A pain in the a*s

Ever had haemorrhoids or piles etc. whatever you choose to call them?

What was God thinking when he created man?

did he do so to mess with us as much as he can?

 

Of all His creations great and small?

why did he bother with some at all?

 

For example I woke with an itch on my bum,

probing gently with my finger, I caressed a plum,

 

A bulbous lump, painful to touch,

is a less embarrasing illness asking too much?

 

Couldn't I have had a big pimple instead?

or even three sixes over my head?

 

And alas the treatment is much worse,

and in hellish manner, is anything but terse.

 

Application via a tube, shaped quite conely,

Into a passage which should be marked 'strictly exit only'.

 

Or perhaps to use a suppository, entered via the same,

between the issue and the cure, you'll be left quite lame.

 

So to avoid this disaster, this advice I suggest you take,

Have lots of fibre, avoid lots of steak.

 

Don't strait too hard when deficating as this can also cause,

a pain thats more excruiciating than a weekend with the inlaws.

 

and finally for those of you who mock us, who suffer as we do,

please know now I did once, and for sufficient punishment...

 

I wish them unto you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Ignore grammar, I did.