The Unimensional Warriors Tournament Part 2

The epic battles continue! This time longer!

"Welcome back to The Unimensional Warriors Tournament! I am John Willaims and this is my partner in crime, Lucius Dehaviell."

"How's it going?"

"It's going alright. This is the a Jacob Deatrix feed, and our personal pick for the win, so you'll be sitting with us as we narrate his life. It'll be great. Not really, it's almost always dull as all hell. The match will be in five hours and I'm gonna try to beat the elite four." John yawns and leans back in his chair, pulling out a DS.

"You are pretty unprofessional." Lucius scowls.

"Tell me if something interesting happens."

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I wake up and see a camera floating around me. I punch it in the face and watch it sizzle and die. Then I get up and use the bathroom. Do my manly things I do cause I'm a man, then get dressed.

Now, it's time to explore.

Indeed it is. What we gonna find, Jacob?

Money, fame, tits, and swords, Lilith.

Fantastic. I'm going back to sleep.

Have fun.

I open my door and see a cute girl in a kimono. Blue hair, purple eyes, and petite. Asian, hair in a bun, normal ninja girl on break. Nice legs though. 

"How's life then, stranger?"

"I'm Puta. I'll be your opponent next round." She says clipped, holding out her hand.

I shake it and say "Want to come grab some breakfast with me?"

She shrugs and says "Sure, why not?"

"I'm Jacob, but since we're opponents you already know that."

"You are a capable warrior. Who taught you?"

"Self-taught."

"Impossible. That's impossible with such skill and-"

"Quit talking like a robot and be human. I'm not a target for god's sake."

"I am not talking like a robot. This is how I normally talk." she says, with no emotion.

"What's your favorite food?"

"None of your concern."

"Ah come on, be social. It's breakfast time, seriously!"

I spy a camera trailing behind us.

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"He sees us again." John says.

"Having fun with that camera?"

"I was. His opponent from what I remember is a ninja versed in elemental arts. The elements are her kunai. She favors fire and water."

"He's pulling out his gun. He's gonna shoot you!"

BANG!

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"Freaking camera's stalking me. What about you?"

"I cut mine in half." she states, smiling.

"Knew there was a human in you. Come on, this machine here can get us anything in exchange for money. What you want?'

"Orange chicken from the dimension Pangaa."

I punch that in and say "And I'll take lasagna from a Garfield comic strip."

We take our food and sit down.

"Never met anyone who eats dinner foods for breakfast like me." I say, taking a bite and being manly about my burning tongue.

"I agree. Most people think I'm crazy." she takes a big steaming bite and keeps her face stoic.

"Same. So what you think of the competition?"

I take another big bite of fire.

"I think most of them are rather arrogant. All believing in stats and foolish strategies. There is no strategy in combat except exploiting weaknesses. Fire beats ice, so on."

She takes another bite, not even cringing. She then grabs a packet of hot sauce and pours it on her food. I take some and do the same.

"I don't know. Being known as The Ultimate Badass certainly gives me a right to be arrogant."

I take another bite, ignoring the ice machine to my left.

I focus on the room instead. It's a plain white cafeteria. That doesn't help me at all.

"You are worthy of the title though. I've seen videos of you being a hero. Lighting your cigarettes with your enemy's flames, riding missiles through the battlefield, and killing gods with ease certainly helps your case."

She takes a final bite, finishing her plate. I finish mine at the same time, and realize I just went through a plate of lasagna in two minutes.

We both ignore our drinks, and stare at each other.

"That may be true, but I know I can be beat. I just haven't met my match."

"Do you think I could be your match?"

"No. Only someone as badass as me can beat me in a fair fight. Could you sneak in my room and slit my throat? Most likely, especially if I got my music on."

"I can respect that. I'll still do my best. It was nice meeting you Jacob." she stands up and holds her hand out as she did when we met.

"I'd rather you stay and chat a bit longer. I have no one to talk to besides my Devil, and she's got a date with her girlfriend later, plus she's asleep."

"I'm afraid I can't stay. If you'd like, you can accompany me. I'm going to be checking out the rest of the contestants on the oft chance I beat you."

"Sounds good." I stand up, and shoot our trash into the nearest trash can after balling it up.

I take a look at her kimono and see something interesting.

It's all black and plain, but on the back, top left shoulder, there is a rose bud that's primrose. It's a really nice shade of purple.

I smile, and tap that shoulder.

"Could've mentioned you're the Rose Petal Ninja."

"I thought you knew."

"You wear a mask. 17 right?"

"Yes. And you are 17 as well correct?"

"Indeed. Yeah, started out at 13."

"A truly illustrious career. Worthy of so much praise."

"Eh. I'm not Batman."

She finally laughs, and it sounds wonderful, like the wind laughing, and says "We all know Batman is better than us in the end."

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"It's a shame. They'd make a decent couple." John remarks.

"Jacob...won't go for it. Lots of our friends alone have died in our adventures, let alone loves." Lucius sighs.

"Loves?"

"None of your concern."

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"Hello audience! It's time for the show to hit the road! Lucius, the profile on Puta!"

"Let's see who she is." he says, throwing the paper on the table.

A short girl with a knife filled with fire in her right and a kunai made of water in her left wearing a black plague doctor's mask and a kimono made from rose petals the color of primrose.

"How is she a ninja?" Lucius says.

"Puta, the Rose Petal Ninja." the soulless robot says. "She is a ninja from an unknown clan, who has gained a reputation for her outfit and her skill with magic. She is considered an expert on invisibility, currently considered able to be invisible even to infrared, and a master of elemental magic, focusing on fire and water. She is known to befriend certain targets if worthy of one on one combat. She has not lost as of yet. That is all the information we have at the moment on her."

"Huh. That's a first. A lack of information due to a lack of information, and not because they have almost no skills." John says, shock clearly on his face.

""That sucks. Look the match is starting. The arena this time is interesting. It's a traditional Japanese village of ancient times right?"

"With various ninja traps of course." He says with a smile, the shock hidden within his eyes.

"Let the match begin!"

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I sit in this room of darkness, and I'm kinda excited about this next match.

Of course you are. You're the only man I know who gets excited by being stabbed.

That was one time with Illius, and we were both working out some anger with each other in the process.

Not how I saw it. I'm pretty sure there was more pleasure than pain in those moans.

Go f**k yourself.

The gate opens and I see a beautiful traditional Japanese village, and an even more beautiful mountainside.

I always loved Japanese buildings like these.

And the blossom trees. There's so many, and all so perfect.

Then the lake surrounding the mountainside, and a nice waterfall pouring down. They put work into this one, that's for sure.

The vines covering the mountain even has blossoms. It's amazing.

The water falls majestically.

And there she is, standing on the water, a burning rose in her hand.

I pull out a cigarette and catch the rose, lighting my cigarette. I inhale, and taste the rose.

"Thanks."

I know she smiled under her mask as she melts into the waterfall.

This girl deserves my best, and nothing less.

I pull out Katayana and walk to the waterfall, and walk through it, entering a cave.

It's a cave. Caves aren't beautiful.

But they do look a bit better when there's a pretty girl with a katana made of fire at the end.

I run at her, readying a frontal assault.

I skid and begin with a 360 horizontal slice, followed by a upward diagonal slash, both dodged with ease.

She counters with a downward feint, and finishes with a stab.

I feel it pierce my stomach.

See, you're smiling. You want to kiss her.

Shut up and heal.

I rip the blade out and throw it back at her, then kick her in the stomach, sending her into the cave wall.

She 'Oofs' as she hits the wall. I run at her and trip.

A trap.

A net comes to catch me and I barely cut it in half before landing.

I look at Puta and see smoke in her place.

Smoke bomb. That's fine. There was caves on the mountainside as well I recall now.

I run through the smoke and follow the sound of feet hitting stone.

I end up on a cliff edge and see Puta assembling a trap.

I tap Katayana against her shoulder, and she jumps forward, slicing a rope in the process.

A log tied to vines swings towards me.

I smile and slice it in half, and see a giant water shuriken heading towards my face. There's no time to dodge.

I headbutt it, and feel the water hit my face, drenching it.

I look towards where it came from, and see Puta.

I flick my wet bangs out of my face, and jump at Puta.

She throws fiery kunai at me, and I slice them out of the air, and pull out my left pistol Death, and fire at her.

She dodges them with wind magic, floating out to the empty space beside us, above the lake.

I wall-jump off the cliff wall she was on as I hit it, and fly towards her, blade by my side, ready for the finishing blow.

Her fiery katana hits mine in a blow of sparks, and we fall together.

I rip off her mask as I push away from her, and see her face in a blissful smile.

She's as excited as you are.

No she isn't, shut up. And neither am I!

I spin around and nip her nose.

She gets me in the knee with a kunai.

I kick her in the side, and grab her head and hold it forcing it to see the earth it will soon hit.

She uses wind magic to cut my hands to ribbons, and I let go, moaning in pain.

And pleasure.

Never.

I feel my hand healing and see her wounds have healed as well. We land outside a house and the dust explodes around us as we land.

I rush forward and bring a diagonal slice down on her head.

She blocks and brings a hang chop across my chest.

I take the blow and knee her in the stomach, then spin Katayana around and stab her through the head.

It doesn't feel right though.

Feels like...

wood.

I rip Katayana out of the mannequin and dodge a water shuriken and fire at her with my pistol.

She slices the bullets out of the air.

This is my type of girl right here.

I put away Death and charge at her, my speed picking up, the blood roaring in my ears, the dust surrounding me.

I bring my blade to my side, and when I reach her, I slice through her blade, carving her chest in half.

My blade stays where it is in the air, as I watch her fall, and the petals fly.

Did you just cum?

Can you quit f*****g ruining my victories with s**t like that? What the f**k Lilith?

I wipe down Katayana with a few petals and put it away.

The shield falls down, and we're restored to our pre-battle selves.

I take Puta's hand and pull her up.

"Good match. Had me there for a minute with that double."

"Yeah, I should've thrown my kunai sooner."

"Yeah, you should've."

I'm still holding her hand as we exit the arena together.

"So, whose my next opponent?"

"No idea."

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"What an electric match everyone, and I see romance in the air as well."

"Yeah, so do I. Night everyone."

"Good night, and sweet dreams. Remember, destiny might be writing your story."

Author's Note

Hope you enjoyed!