I Hate You Already

This is a terrible morning.

What the f**k was that? It's like, f*****g 5 a.m. I swear to god if that was a gunshot.

Was that hole there before?

Is that another hole?

Am I being shot at?

Ow!

Alright, stuck in the eye. On three.

One.

Two.

Three!

Ow! That f*****g hurt like hell.

Why am I being shot at...those sons of b*****s, I've only been asleep for half an hour!

That's it. People are dying.

I get up and pull out Katayana and Liberty.

Crash!

Whose in that rubble?

Is that...

"Illius, you f*****g c**t! What the hell are you doing getting my room shot up?! I've barely been asleep five minutes!" I yell as more bullets bounce off of me.

Illius is a shapeshifter goddess. Goddess of what? F**k if we know. Her current form is a brunette with decent curves and red eyes wearing a blue skin suit and wielding those weird half scythes with can be combined into a small double scythe. I've never seen the use. You know what? I'm too f*****g tired to explain everything to you readers. Just cause Destiny can read my mind doesn't mean I have to explain everything at 12 a.m.

"I'm sorry Jacob, they ambushed me after you went inside. I thought I could take care of them but-"

"You're a little b***h who can't do s**t?"

"Jacob!"

"I'm sorry, you're a grown little b***h!" I yell.

"Oh my f*****g god! My eye again! I'll kill you all!"

I throw Katayana through the nearest guy, shooting at whoever I see along the way.

"You can't survive, punk!" random thug yells.

"I've walked every inch of this building. I'm a Sin Angel. I can teleport wherever I've been. You're fucked."

I teleport behind him and shoot him through his skull. I pull Katayana out of the wall and glance at Illius.

"Valefor," I say, flicking my wrist at Illius, flinging the rubble off her with wind.

"Thanks Jacob."

"You owe me for this."

The ceiling explodes above me, and my instincts take over, barely dodging this guy's sword.

"I am the legendary samurai, Sitetsu-"

I shoot him in the face.

"Don't. Care. At. All."

"Father!"

"Ifrit Ultimagus!"

I cook the idiot's son. With lots of fire.

"Jacob!"

"I don't give a f**k. At all. The dude was, like, 15 anyway."

"Congratulations, Jacob Deatrix."

Bang!

"I'm sorry, but I'm a hologram. I'm just here to congratulate you before you die. You see, we've brought someone in. Someone unstoppable."

"Who could beat me?"

"Have you heard of Tiff Wildernkins?"

"No. I'll just kill her anyway so I don't care."

"She is much more skilled than you in every-"

Bang!

"I'm a hologram-"

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Shut up and bring her so I can kill her! I want to sleep you little b*****d piece of s**t hologram momma's little b***h manwhore!"

"Damn Jacob, calm down." Illius mumbles.

"You can shut the f**k up! I am sick of this s**t! I wanted a vacation so this would f*****g stop!"

Gunfire erupts around the room and I react by looking at the shooter.

A blonde girl wearing a jetpack and wielding one of those 'Unbreakable' greatswords along with various guns.

"I am your worst nightmare, Jacob-"

Bang!

She pulls the bullet out of her forehead.

"You're a dick."

"You have a manface!"

"I'll kill you, you little f****r!"

I run at her at full speed and punch that b***h's teeth out of her mouth and through all the walls into the street.

"Say that again, Gums!"

She stands up and spits a tooth out.

"You hit like a b***h and you act-"

I teleport behind her and stab her through her tiny little b**b."

"I'm Jacob Deatrix, b***h. And I'm pissed."

I pull Katayana out of her corpse and light a cigarette.

What the f**k is that?

Is that a f*****g Godzilla Octopus?

RAWWWWRRRRRRR!

I hate you already. I don't know who this guy is but I'm ripping his dick off and shoving it down his throat.

Godpus charges through the city like a drunk ballerina on acid, leaping tall buildings in a single belly flop.

"Anything after this and I'm just gonna kill you, Illy."

I teleport over to the coffee shop it hasn't destroyed yet and wait for it to flop over to me.

I hate everything, yes I do. I hope everybody burns in hell. I will cut you in half like a banana. F**k Foxxxyyyyy. F**k Foxxxxxxyyyyyy.

Ah here he is.

I aim the edge of Katayana at him and charge it up with Sin energy.

"Sinner's Wrath!"

The waves of sin erupting from Katayana as I swing her cuts Godpus into pieces.

Good, that's the end of that.

I teleport back to my bed.

Then I realize my apartment is destroyed.

"Illius! You're getting me a bed in 20 or you're losing teeth!"

Author's Note

Hope you enjoyed.