Chapter One

 I sit with my legs over the railing of the town’s oldest bridge. It is one of my favorite spots in the small town I live in. No one is allowed on the bridge because of how ancient it is, but the sign at the foot of the bridge that says ‘Keep Out: Danger’ doesn’t bother me much.

              I stare down at the waves that crash furiously against the bottom of the bridge, below me. The strength of the waves make the bridge rock a little. The voice inside my head tells me I should get off the bridge, that it wasn’t a hundred percent safe to be on, especially with a storm coming. But the photographer in me really wants to get this shot of the sea and sky.

              Keeping myself balanced I let go of the railing and point the lens of my Canon EOS 30D off to the distance where the sky meets the top of the water, and click to capture the breathtaking scene. I hit the menu button to pull up the image, and smile, the image is perfect for my nature portfolio on my website.

              I look up at the cloudy gray sky as the wind picks up and catches me off guard. I let out a light scream as I nearly drop my camera in the water. I take a deep breath as the bridge rocks again; and I grab onto the railing tighter and swing my leg back over to the bridge’s walk.

              “What the hell is wrong with you, Arella?! You could have fallen just now! Do you want to drown or something? Do you have a death wish?” Marc, my boyfriend, screams as he walks up to me and grabs onto my arm tightly, a little too tightly. I wince at the pressure. That will definitely be a bruise later. Sometimes he really isn’t aware of how strong he really is.

              Maybe I do want to drown, Marc. Maybe I do.

              “Marc, what are you doing here?” I ask, instead of expressing my thoughts.

              “I went to your sisters’s house, but no one answered. So I decided to see if you were at this stupid place.”

              I bite my tongue, and say, “I came here to get a good picture for my portfolio.”

              “Whatever, Arella, I don’t care. Let’s go, I’ll drive you back to your house.”

              “I can walk. That’s how I got here in the beginning.” I say, starting to walk off towards the gate to the park.

              Before I get very far he grabs onto my arm again, pulling me into him. “You’re not walking. I’m taking you home.”

              He doesn’t wait for me to say anything, but pulls my arm hard to follow him and doesn’t let go. When we reach his F-150 he shoves me into the door. “Get in,” he says.

              Thank Goddess that there is no one around to stare at the scene he is causing. We really would be the talk of the town if anyone saw. But thankfully we are out in the woods in the parking lot of the town’s only park. Far, far away from any judgmental eyes and gossiping mouths.

              I climb into his truck and he slams the door. He’s in one of his moods today. He’s always in a bad mood lately. He’s mad because his parent’s are making him go to Aspen with them for a family trip. He wants me to go, but thankfully my sister said no. I need some time away from him.

              “I don’t want to go. I wish they’d just leave me here, like any other time if I didn’t want to go. But no, it’s a stupid family trip. It’s bonding time. My mother thinks we f*****g need it!” His voice grows louder and louder. He pauses for a moment and takes a sharp turn onto my street, nearly hitting a guy on a motorcycle, and continues. I wish she’d just face the fact that my father doesn’t have any interest in her anymore.”

              I roll my eyes and take a deep breath, staring out the window. “Marc, you shouldn’t say those things about your mother. She’s a nice woman,” I say softly, barely even a whisper.

              “Well the world isn’t always about what’s nice to say, Arella. You need to get your head out of the clouds and from behind your little camera and grow up to face the real world.”

              I don’t reply back. I’m too afraid to say anything when he’s like this. It wasn’t always like this. He use to be a good guy. Honest. I use to be able to talk to him freely and my opinions use to matter. But then his mother got cancer and lost all of her hair from chemo and his father started sleeping around.

              Then all the fights between them came when his mother found out. Then Marc’s anger issues mirrored his father’s. Maybe it was genetics.

              We finally reach the end of my street where my house stood and pulls into the driveway behind my beat up jeep Cherokee. I quickly take off my seatbelt and try not to look too eager to get out. I open the door, grabbing my messenger bag and camera, nearly falling in the process. Marc grabs my shoulder tightly before my boots hit the concrete. I turn to face him.

              “Don’t forget to be at the airport at eight to say goodbye. I want to see you before I leave. Don’t be late.” There was a threat behind his words.

              I nod slowly and get out of the car, closing the door quietly behind me. I run around the two story house to the back door and let myself into the kitchen.

              “Maddy!” I call as I hang my damp jacket on the back of a kitchen chair. “Come here girl!”

              I smile as my Australian Shepherd barrels into the kitchen to attack me with kisses. I hug her and stand up, heading to my room. The house is quiet as I run up the stairs to my room. It’s always quiet.

              I set my things down on the bed and turn on my laptop. While I wait for everything to load up, I plug my camera in to upload my picture. I sign in quickly and before everything in my account loads up, an IM pops onto the screen.

xoxoMiaxoxo: hey ell u on?

ArellaxDivine: Hey, Mia! Yeah, just uploading this picture I took from the bridge, got to go meet up with M soon at the airport. Unfortunately.

xoMiaxo: aw, stop that. I bet ur gonna miss him! ): Ill keep you company!

ArellaxDivine: I know you will. (: But I’ll be fine. Trust me.

ArellaxDivine: Can you keep a secret, please?

xoMiaxo: Duh! Who is this ur talking 2?

ArellaxDivine: I’m serious, Mia. This is top secret.

xoMiaxo: Ok, ok. Yes. Spill!

ArellaxDivine: I’m ending things with M as soon as we talk again after he leaves town….

xoMiaxo: Arella! U cant! U both r so cutee together! Yall are the talk of the town.

ArellaxDivine: Mia, I can’t handle him anymore. I’m not going to keep letting him mentally and physically abuse me. I’m not his punching bag. I’m unhappy and I can’t tolerate his crap anymore. It’ll be best to do it while he’s away so he can cool off some.

ArellaxDivine: Do you remember what happened last time I tried to end things?

xoMiaxo: Oh Arella, please. Stop with that. He said he didn’t mean to hit u. it was an accident, he was sry. He rly loves u, u cant do this to him, el.

ArellaxDivine: Do you honestly believe every word that comes out of his mouth, Mia? I can’t keep letting him push me around like a bully. If he loved me he wouldn’t be treating me like this. Like an animal!

xoMiaxo: Arella, please, just think over it. Sleep on it, see how u feel in the morning. Ur just emotional.

ArellaxDivine: I’m not emotional! And I’ve already made up my mind!

xoMiaxo: Arella u cant do this!

ArellaxDivine: I have to go, I’ll cya later. Some friend you are, Mia.

ArellaxDivine is now offline.

              She just doesn’t understand. Everyone is blinded by how cool they think he is. Too blind to see how he really is. Too blind to see how miserable he makes me. The only person who sees is Melody, my best friend.

***

I pull into the airport parking lot ten minutes late. Marc is waiting for me by his parent’s BMW with an angry expression plastered across his face. Did Mia tell him what I was planning on doing? Oh bloody hell!

              “You’re late, Arella! I have to be on the plane in less than ten minutes. Did you forget?” He walks over to me and puts both hands on my shoulders, pushing me against my Jeep. “Can’t you do anything I ask, right? I ask you to do things that are simple and you never do them right. What is wrong with you?”

              I narrow my eyes, looking to the ground and not speaking.

              “Were you playing around with your stupid little picture website? It that why you’re late? I should be more important than that! I thought you wanted to say goodbye to me.” He takes a step back, looking at me.

              “I do want to say goodbye to you, Marc. Here, more than you could ever imagine.” I tell him. Goodbye means two different things to us. He thinks it’s merely harmless, like I’ll be saying hello to him as soon as he gets back. But this is goodbye for good. I’m not playing his games anymore. I’m done. I will not let him completely shatter me.

              He smiles, clearly satisfied with my answer. He steps forward once again, pressing himself against me, obviously completely forgetting his anger as he kisses me hard. “I’ll miss you, Ell.”

              “I’ll miss you too.” I’ll miss who you were when we first met. Not this monster you’ve become.

              “Marcus, it’s time to go, sweetie!” Mrs. Jackson calls from the doors of the airport. “Come along now!”

              Marc rolls his eyes and grinds his teeth together. “I have to go now, Arella, babe. I’ll call you later.” He smiles, kissing my forehead and turns to leave.

              “Marc, wait! I have something to give you.” I scream, my voice shaking. I need to get this over with before I lose my nerve.

              I run over to him and stuff a beat up envelope into the palm of his hand. “Don’t read it until you’re off the plane, okay?”

              “Ooh, a love letter.” He smiles, stuffing it into his back pocket.

              I smile and nod. I’m just going to let him think what he wants to right now.

              I turn around and head for my beat up Jeep Cherokee. From here on out, I will try and be happy. I’m free from him now; I’m not letting him put me down anymore. I’ll feel how I want to feel, and do what I want to do. Not his decision anymore. Ever.

              I look down at my sweater and pull the sleeves up over my elbows to look at my scarred wrists. I will never harm myself ever again because of him.

              I pull them back down to my wrists and feel a smile on my face as I turn out of the airport. I roll my windows down and turn my radio up loud, feeling the cold wind hit my face through the window. I can smell the rain coming.  I know it won’t be long before it starts to pour. I welcome the rain today.

              I get home just in time as it starts to pour. I run through the yard to the back door and slip my key into the key slot on the door. I’m nearly soaked by the time the door finally opens. It’s thundering furiously and lightning is lighting up the dark sky.

              I run up to my room to change into some dry comfy clothes and  pick out a pair of my favorite pajama bottoms and a black tank top, deciding to go to bed early. I fall asleep almost immediately, ignoring the fact my cell phone is vibrating to death on my nightstand and that Maddy, my Australian Shephard, is taking up almost half  of my full sized bed.

***

              I wake up to the near familiar pitter patter of the rain as the wind blows it against my window. It has rained all night and is still blowing strong outside. I jump out of bed and cross the room to my bathroom. It is one of those Jack and Jill bathrooms, where there are two doors that lead to two different bedrooms.

              I have no one to share the bathroom with though. I share the house with my older sister, Simone, but she has her own bathroom that is attached to the master bedroom down the hall.

              I turn the shower on as hot as it can go and take off my pajamas. By the time I step into the walk in shower, the mirrors and glass are all fogged up. It takes me a few minutes to get use to how hot the water is, but afterwards I embrace it with open arms.

              Ten minutes later I step out of the shower and hear the house phone ringing from across the hall. I wrap myself in a brown fluffy towel and walk to my room slowly. I pick the cordless phone up from my desk and stare at it. It could be him….

              I take a deep breath and press ‘talk’, “H-hello?” I stutter.

              “Arella, darling, I hear there is a bad storm there. Are you alright?”

              I let out a breath, relieved. “Yes, Simone, I’m fine. I miss you though! When are you coming home?”

              “I’m scheduled to be landing back in town next Thursday. Then I’ll have almost a week off. I miss you too. What are you going to cook me when I come back home?” She jokes.

              “Ah, we’ll have to wait and see! I’m getting ready for school, though; can I call you later tonight?”

              “Okay, that’s fine, sis. You better keep up on that school work. Thank God it’s Friday, though. Right?”

              “Yes! Thank Goddess! I love you, sis. Call you tonight.”

              I could hear people in the background, most likely passengers. She sometimes called me during a flight when they were supposed to be all buckled in.

              “I love you too.” She says before hanging up.

              I set the phone back down in its cradle and turn to walk back to the bathroom to finish getting ready, but the phone rings again. I freeze in the middle of the doorway and turn around slowly to face my room. What if it’s him?

              I shake my head. How can I be so foolish? I can’t be scared every time the phone rings. I’m free now. I won’t turn into the girl who is afraid of her own shadow.

              I straighten up and walk back to the phone and pick it up, “Hello?”

              “Arella! Why haven’t you been answering your phone? You cannot leave me! You hear me? We are so good together, I love you! We have to stay together! We just have to!” Marc yells into the phone.

              I close my eyes, pressing my back against my dresser and sliding down onto the hardwood floor.

              “Marc, if you really loved me you wouldn’t be doing this to me. You wouldn’t be treating me like I’m some sort of possession. You wouldn’t be taking everything out on me with physical and verbal abuse!” I told him, finally standing up to him.

              “I’m so sorry, babe. I won’t do it again. I promise.” He whispers gently into the phone.

              I feel tears slide slowly down my cheeks. Why is he doing this to me? Why can’t he just let me go? It would be much easier on the both of us. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “We can’t be together anymore. We both need to move on with our lives and accept what this has become.”

              “Arella, we are going to be together! You can’t f*****g do this to me. Just you watch!” He screams, his anger taking over once again. Just like it always did.

              I press the “end” button on the phone and curl up into a ball, hugging my knees. I can’t let him be the cause of all the depression and scars on my body anymore. I unroll from the ball and stand up slowly. I glance at the clock and quickly run off to the bathroom to finish getting ready before I’m late to school.

              As soon as I’m finished getting dressed I run downstairs to feed Maddy. “Maddy! Breakfast!” I call as I pour her favorite dog food into her purple bowl.

              I smile as she runs into the kitchen. She attacks me with lots of kisses, nearly knocking me over. I give her one good squeeze around the neck and run out the door. Off to school I go.

***

              It’s finally seventh period; the last period of the day. I sigh with relief as I sit down in my usual spot in History class. It’s been a long day; lots of dodging and avoiding Mia. Melody, one of my best friends, sits down behind me. I turn my head towards her and she smiles and opens her notebook, scribbling away with her feather pen.

              Mr. Walker struts into the class after the bell rings and immediately launches into a lecture about World War II; even though we’ve heard it all before. I try and look intrigued and fully into what he’s saying, but my eyelids start feeling heavier and heavier.

              Right as I start to drift off, Melody kicks the back of my chair and startles me. I turn around to glare at her and she pushes a note across her desk towards me. I give her a questioning look and take it, turning back around in my seat to continue looking as if I’m paying attention. 

              I wait a few minutes before quietly unfolding the note.

Since the loser is out of town you should really come to this new dance club Tommy and I found last week. It’s like you’re at a rave and I know  how you like raves. Come with?

Mel

              This is exactly what I need. I should go out and have some fun; real fun, without worrying about Marc.

              Even though my mind is made up, I still decide to debate where I should go with them, completely tuning out Mr. Walker’s deep voice for the rest of the class. When class is over I jump out of my seat and follow the sea of kids out of the classroom. I know Melody will meet me at my locker, since her locker has been next to mine since 8^th grade, so I go straight to my locker to put up my books.

              I am just pulling out my English notebook to put into my messenger bag to bring home  when Melody opens her locker beside me. She shoves her books inside and turns to me, “So you in for tonight, or what?” She asks.

              I smile back and nod, “Yeah, I need it. I can go out and have some fun and dance with who I like. I ended things with Marc. It’s time to move on.”

              Her eyes grow wide, she is obviously in shock and insanely happy with my news. It takes her a few minutes to recover, “Are you bloody serious? I am so proud of you, Ell!” She hugs me and then pulls her head back to glare at me, “You better not be joking about this.”

              “I promise! On all things holy! Not that you’d know.” I wink as she sticks her tongue out at me.

              I knew she’d be happy. She never liked him. She was the only friend I had who didn’t basically worship Marc, besides Devin, which I’d known since the second grade. Melody swears it’s because Devin secretly likes me. But I doubt it.

              “Tommy and I will pick you up at six, you’re definitely going to get a buzz tonight, girlfriend, its celebrating time!” She screams as she walks backward down the nearly deserted hallway.

              I shake my head. Melody is one of my closest friends, but she is insane. She always puts a smile on my face, without even trying most of the time.

              Tonight will be fun. I just know it. Something amazing is going to happen tonight, I just don’t know what yet.

***

I look at myself in the wooden floor length mirror in the corner of my room and take in my appearance. From my black and purple silk made corset and black low rise jeans down to my black high-top converses; a good choice of shoes to wear when you’re going to be dancing the night away.

              I pull part of my waist length dark brown hair back with bobby pins and let the rest flow free. I turn away from the mirror when I hear a car horn outside. Grabbing my messenger bag off the bed I kiss Maddy on the head. “Wish me luck in having some fun tonight, Maddy.”

              She wags her tail and jumps off the bed, proceeding to follow me down the stairs to the back door.

              “Whoa sexy lady!” Melody whistles as I walk down the driveway to Tommy’s Ford Probe, his cherished possession. He loves to race, even though Melody warned if he ever got in trouble she would burn his car, no matter how sexy she thought it was that he street raced. “It’s time to party, baby!”

              I nod and high five Tommy as he puts his hand out, and jump into the backseat of the car. As soon as I’m buckled in, we fly down the streets toward the club with the music blaring. I’m so use to his driving now that I know when to hold onto the seat in front of me when he’s turning to prevent myself from sliding all over the backseat.

              We arrive outside the club in less than twenty minutes, as it’s not that far from my neighborhood and we quickly run up to the line to get in. I can already hear the techno music inside and it crawls throughout my body, making me move to the rhythm before I’m even inside the door.

              At the front of the club one of the bouncers checks our ID’s and stamps a dark light stamp on mine and Melody’s wrists, since we’re still underage to drink, and ushers us into the crowd of ravers. A lady stops us and hands glow sticks to us as we reach the end of the stairs leading into the club.

              I smile and stick mine in my back pocket, saving it to break later.

              “C’mon Arella, let’s go get some buzz juice and get the real part started.”

              I nod and let her pull me toward the bar. “How are we going to pull this off anyway? They’re going to know by our stamps we’re still underage, Mel.”

              “Oh, I have a way. Trust me.” She says right as she reaches the bar. She starts talking to this guy with his head shaved and a tattoo of a skull on the left side of his head, whom she obviously knows, and he looks over at another guy behind the counter. When he isn’t looking he sneaks a bottle of Vodka and a stack of shot glasses across the counter to her. She smiles, thanking him, and turns around to face me.

              I raise my eyebrows and she just lifts her shoulders and starts walking off to a free table in the back. I follow her, wondering where Tommy has run off to. I shake my head. Who cares where he went? That boy is always disappearing somewhere.

              We finally get through the sea of ravers and sit down across from each other.

              “Okay, time to get a buzz.” Melody smiles and starts pouring vodka into six shot glasses. When they’re all filled she looks up at me. “Three shots, you’re first.”

              I shake my head laughing and grab the first glass and throw it back. When I’m finished I scrunch up my face and continue with the next two.

              By the third round of shots the rooms is spinning and my body is radiating in warmth. Melody and I start dancing in the middle of the dance floor. All my worries are gone and I feel free. More free than I’ve felt in a long while. It feels great. I close my eyes and let my body sway to the music, not caring if anyone is watching me.

              Melody leans closer to me and whispers in my ear, “That guy standing by the wall is watching you. I think he wants to dance with you.”

              I look over to where she’s looking and see a gorgeous guy with dark brown shaggy hair and a leather jacket. I see him staring at me and I smile at him. I lock eyes with him and continue to dance to the beat.

              The song ends and I walk up to the bar to ask for some water. I fan myself as I wait for the bartender to come back with a bottle of water. He comes back and hands it to me, smiling. He’s cute, but all I can think about is the mysterious guy at the edge of the club.

              I open the cap and take a mouthful of water when I feel someone’s body pressed lightly against my back. I don’t turn around.

              “Care to dance with me, miss?” A deep alluring voice whispers into my hair, sending a shock throughout my body from the warmth of his breath against my ear. I close my eyes, knowing who it is before I turn around.

              “Sure.” I turn around and take his hand, looking into his nearly black eyes.

              As we dance in silence I can’t help but keep my eyes on him, he is absolutely gorgeous. He keeps his eyes locked on mine and I feel a connection forming. I want to get to know him. Need to get to know him. I need to get to know him so bad that I very well may go bloody crazy if I don’t.

              I feel as if I’m floating while we dance. Like my feet aren’t touching the ground. But as soon as the songs ends everything comes rushing back and I’m snapped back into reality. I look down to the floor and see my converses touching the ground. Just to make sure I really am on the ground.

              I look back up at him to find an amused look across his face, as though he knows what I’m thinking. “I hope it’s not too forward of me, but may I know your name, miss?”

              “Arella. Arella Anderson.” I reply as I keep eye contact with him.

              “That’s quite a unique name you  have there, Miss Anderson.” He smiles a gorgeous smile.

              “Thank you, “I blush. “What about yours?”

              He smiles again obviously amused by the tint of red in my olive toned cheeks. “Jayden Knight,” He replies.

              I open my mouth to ask him for another dance when Tommy pops up with Melody in tow. She’s flat out drunk and it’s time to leave before we cause a scene and get in trouble for underage drinking.

              “C’mon, Arella, we need to go before someone thinks I smuggled y’all some alcohol. Melody drunk more than her tiny body can hold. She just doesn’t know how to hold the good stuff like a man can.” He lets out a small laugh, entertained by his drinking skills.

              I roll my eyes and turn around to face Jayden. “Well, it was nice to meet you, Jayden Knight, and I had a great time dancing with you. But I have to go help my friend now.”

              “That’s quite alright. We’ll meet again soon.” He says to me, then turns to Tommy, “Would you like some help, mate?”

              “No, that’s alright thanks. I got her.” Tommy said and turns around, heading for the back door of the club.

              I follow Tommy out into the alley behind the club and walk to the car, helping Tommy lay Melody into the back seat. Melody and Tommy live together now, so I don’t have to worry if her parents will check to see if she’s been drinking or not like they use to.

              When I get home I wash my face and slip into my pajamas. I head towards my bed and fall into it. Checking my cell phone screen it reads eleven new voice messages. I go through and delete them all, knowing they are all from Marc.

              I shake my head. I am not going to think about him. I’m going to think of the gorgeous mysterious guy from the club. Jayden Knight. He’s really something to be thinking about. He’s definitely gorgeous and has a caring personality.

              I flashback to the way he held my gaze when we danced and the way he touched my hips as we swayed back in forth to the beat of the dance music. His hands were so warm against the small parts of bare skin that was revealed between my jeans and corset. I sigh and throw my phone onto the floor. I don’t bother pulling the comforter up to snuggle underneath the blankets before I drift into a deep sleep.