Part Two

As I got up from the bench and pulled Jester's leash to leave, he impulsively pulled his leash the other way, slipping from my hands and running away. I started to run after him calling him: "Jester stop!". but he wasn't listening to me. Suddenly I saw him running over a small bridge and falling into the lake that passed underneath. Some people who saw him were just watching him fighting not to drown but they weren't doing anything. But when I got there I jumped in the water after him without even think it twice, which was probably not the best idea. The depth of the lake was more than it seemed and I wasn't exactly a good swimmer. The only people who was trying to help me were elderly people or kids who could not jump in the water. I carried my little dog in one arm, and with the other I was trying to swim to the shore.

There was a fire station across from the park and someone had gone to tell the firefighters about a person falling in the lake and drowning. So when the firefighters arrived they jumped after me and Jester right away. One of them grabbed my dog and another one grabbed me. I was just glad to finally be safe. Once they took us to dry land the firefighter who had rescued me was asking me so many questions that I did not know If I he was really speaking or If I was imagining it. All I could say to him was "I'm ok, I'm fine". and there was just one thing I was worried about, my dog Jester. "Where is my dog?" I asked him. I wanted to know how was my puppy and If he was going to be ok. Despite I was mad at him for getting me into this situation, I was glad he had done it and you will know why.

So when I asked for him, a firefighter came to me with Jester on his arms. He gave him to me and he told me he was going to be ok, but I was so worried about my dog and so happy to see him alive that I didn't even look up to see the firefighters face. I hugged Jester and pet his head and I just thanked him for rescuing us from the lake. He told me that I didn't had to thank him anything but that I should be more careful with my dog, after that they left.

After that unusual afternoon, we head back home, I cooked something for me to eat and I turned on my computer to check my emails. I had moved from Texas to New York a few months ago. I worked as a writer for a local newspaper, and the only way I could keep contact with my family and friends was through the electronic mail. As I opened the internet page to check my mail, a headline about New York City firefighters caught my attention. It was about how they were always helping people everyday and every time they were needed and how people seemed to be losing that sense of gratitude towards them, that they didn't even care to say a simple "Thanks" to them.The  little lake incident came to my mind and as I read that and I realize that, I was in that group of unfaithful people because I haven't even look at the guy who had rescued my dog. I felt so bad about it, I really didn't wanted to be like those people that only like to receive but not to give. So from that moment the idea of visiting the fire station didn't leave my mind, I had to go and find this guy to thank him, and so I planned to go in my next free day.

Reviews

[Gideon Dreamer Kasirye]

its a good start i like it. its a good story of ethical teaching and moral values. it might luck a little bit more persuasive dramatic lines to emphasis the scene of the drowning dog and the person jumping in to save the dog who couldn't even swim. but keep it up..

[Marcy Chavez]

Thanks a lot for reading and leave your helpful comment, I always try to improve my writing, and your observations will help me a lot. Thanks again!
-Marcy

[Æ Chronicle]

This is still good, though I feel it is a step down from the first chapter, mainly because of the pace, which is very fast. I, the reader, hardly know anything about this girl or her dog Jester, and suddenly, within a couple unexplained sentences, they are both drowning in a lake. It's definitely interesting, but it's not gripping or moving. It does not stir up emotions for the reader. It almost seems like you are giving a fast explanation of what happened to a reporter, rather than trying to convey your emotions and feelings through your writing.

Like the first chapter, there are a lot of grammatical mistakes, but those are just mistakes and can be taken care of during editing, so they don't really matter much, though, again, there are a few points where the story itself doesn't make sense, or doesn't flow well:

"Suddenly I saw him running over a small bridge and falling into the lake that passed underneath."

When I read this the first time I thought you were picturing this happening, and I was a bit confused. Then I realized this was actually what was happening, and I felt let down, and a little skeptical of reality at this point. Dogs don't just flop into lakes, unless they have some sort of physical or mental issue which would have to be addressed. They can slip or trip or be pushed, but it doesn't "just happen." I would have liked to see a little more detail and thought put into this part, as well as a few others that moved rather quickly.

"It was about how they were always helping people everyday and every time they were needed and how people seemed to be losing that sense of gratitude towards them, that they didn't even care to say a simple "Thanks" to them.The little lake incident came to my mind and as I read that and I realize that, I was in that group of unfaithful people because I haven't even look at the guy who had rescued my dog. I felt so bad about it, I really didn't wanted to be like those people that only like to receive but not to give. So from that moment the idea of visiting the fire station didn't leave my mind, I had to go and find this guy to thank him, and so I planned to go in my next free day."

This part, again, moves fast and yet you repeat yourself quite a lot, but I do like this part of the story, since it is dealing with a controversial idea, and the writer has realized an error they have made and now wishes and plans to make amends. This is always great in a story, and is a good way to end the chapter.

Thank you Marcy C. Chavez!

[Marcy Chavez]

Thanks to you again for this nice and helpful review. And yes I recognize that I wrote this a little bit rushed, that is mainly because this is a story I wrote three years ago and I found it on my shelf, and I don't want it to just be there, without being read, so I am copyng it as it is. I remember when I wrote it the first time I wrote the entire story in one day. I used to be a lazy writer and I didn't want to think too much about the details, but now I'm trying to improve and I think, I really want to think that my current book "A million hearts" is a lot better in all aspects of my writing, I'm taking my sweet time with this one, re-reading it over and over to look for any sentence or word that I can change to improve the flow of the story or to change it If it doesn't make sense.

So yeah, maybe I should re-write this one now.
Thanks so much!

-Marcy

[Æ Chronicle]

Rewriting this is a great idea, as it's definitely an interesting story. In my opinion, it would actually be easy as well, since you all ready have the foundation laid.

[Neon]

"I really didn't "WANTED" to be like those people that only like to receive but not to give."
Replace this line with this :
"I really didn't "WANT" (NOT WANTED) to be like those people that only like to receive but not to give."
That's just a very very very very very very very very very very tiny-miny minor error! Ha!

Yeah, your right, me too never like those people who just love receiving but not giving and I really never want to be such kinda folk at all... I love your so good at writing and making concept beautifully into the words... great stuffs, awesomely penned!

This's a chapter about "Faith, pleasure, kindness, heart, purity, love (of humanity)" and so on. Nice work, your going so cool writing your these two books.. the chapters of your these two books your working on're very good and if I truly say, "I really love your these two novels yet you've penned or still penning/working on it."

Keep on! Your cool!
100/100!