Up To You

I look to the right and see the sight I use to be, sitting with the rejects smiling and not caring of the other thoughts. Wondering if things will soon change. I look to my right and see who and what I am now; I am a person undercover in time, a dreamer of the 50’s and an insane person of the 60’s. Some days can take toll but what does it really matter. I am the daughter of the want to be rock star that faded years ago, the daughter of a mother who knows me the most. I am not afraid to sing but not in public.

I can vision a place of my dreams some scary and some wonderful. I find when I dream sometimes I do not want to wake up. Who is this person I am living within my own body screaming in pain but I still say I can take it. When will I met my better self again, or are those days of laughter over.

I make wishes upon stars but only will I see them in my near future only in a shutter, I look In the mirror but nothing surprises me anymore. I have my doubts, and somehow I miss them.

I miss the days I could hug that one person, and the kiss that I now remember thanks to my dreams, I cannot remember the last time I took a risk, that one kiss proved itself to make me glad to still have dreams years later. The happy me is still here but buried.

You can close the casket, and dig the last nail in too, I don’t mind, I can stand the gasping for air, no sunlight for days, I cant stand the fading away. I don’t want to hear the yelling anymore even though it helps me concentrate. I miss the boy I once like, the best friends I once had the old me how I wore black and could care less if anyone liked me.

Change is change, nothing can stop the world from spinning, nothing can stop me so I hope. Fatal or not is not my choice. Love or like no one truly knows and or ever will. Your brain can hurt as much as your heart dose but the both throb the same.

Wild or not nothing else is said to comfort the hurt side of me, forgive and forget, why, for me or for you, I will never forget the long days. I miss me I miss the sting of high school yet if I say anything its all on me, killer or not you are still non human.

What remains no one cares, the ashes will blow away into the sea. Screaming or talking it hurts just the same. Joy or just being glad you made it through the day is all up to you. Turn off the lights or keep them on your face will still carry a shadow. Mints only keep away the smell of regret for so long, then you face the terror of yourself

Hide or run you may be found guilty sooner or later, above the clouds or below you are still some were. Mid night is the moon light to come to wash your eyes from the sun. Scared or not you still can scream, love and lost both have confusion. Were did you go no one knows time to leave once again.

Find yourself or lose yourself you are always gone in some sense, lie or tell the truth no one has to believe you. Trust or be fearful, you are still vulnerable. Real, fake, or fantasy, you end up in a different state of mind sometime. Clock in or out you still have to work at something, get up or stay down you have to fight one day or maybe that day is today.