Moment

 

 in the moment was completely different

comfortable

could feel your lips pause, hold over mine, slide gently

back and forth as your mind took it in

the air was your scent

somewhere in there your true scent

it pulled me, said i was yours

and i responded yes, all you want, or as little

the kiss not forceful, not lazy

welcoming,

absorbing

pulling at me

i fell forward into you

touched your hair

i have so wanted to grasp it, now i am firm

fingers sliding over you, holding you

there is no thought

the timeless

my breath, yours

where each leaves off...

so this is what special is

i softly pull myself from my thoughts and look around

i have ordered food, i think

the people here are nothing, shapes, movement

i wonder if they can see you on me

smell you

i can

it hasn't left me

nor the firm closeness; your grasp along my back...lower

i don't think anyone could do me wrong now

i am safely guided home, don't remember the drive

your touch though...

your lips

how you brought me your kiss

a part of me now

 

Reviews

[Shaun Rudie]

Corrected the ending, it did take one out of the flow. Thanks.

[Toni Prehoda Kahler]

I actually like the repetition - it suits the piece, imo. , but I like repetition anyway. Especially if it defines something, just a little wider, a little clearer. I like following along in baby steps, getting as close as you get, and then the little shock, the paradigm shift to you ordering food, people all around; and now I get into it again, and relate to it from this angle, and you have opened another door for me to see through, to remember my own similar moments. Much to enjoy here!
A little meddle: The last line, the "thank you..." seems unneccessary, too blunt maybe... I don't know, but it jarred me. I think the piece could just end at "a part of me now" Or perhaps use that line as title?
Anyway, smooth write...

[KisuKimmi]

Hmmm...this is pretty good....for advice it is usually best to use different words instead of repeating the same one...try to find synonyms

"the air was your scent
somewhere in there your true scent"

Other than that, i really like this one