No Greater Honor

Valmur at last meets Prince Hendric

 

 

Chapter Nine

No Greater Honor

 

Prince Hendric still heard the chamberlain's voice calling, but it grew ever fainter, as did the yawp of the silly hound the man always took out for exercise on their afternoon rides. He would allow the pair to find him, eventually, but if there were to be a right to privacy for anyone, surely the heir to Vaaseli's throne should enjoy it. If the only way to have it was to ride off the usual forest paths into the undergrowth, well ahead of his minder, then he would take that way.

Sometimes Hendric nearly wished to be truly disobedient, truly rebellious. But his father and the men charged with his safety and education would be disappointed – at sixteen years of age, he could hardly imagine disappointing anyone.

A few more yards brought him and his mount to the edge of the little valley, with its spring and glade of aspen, well-hidden in the Tolmyn foothills from any but obscure huntsmen's paths. Within the slopes of this glen, silence at last, except for the lilt of birdsong. The evasive ride through the denser woods had made both young man and horse hot, sweaty, and thirsty, and when Hendric dismounted they dropped their heads to the spring's pooling water for a long, deep drink. Thirst satisfied, Hendric threw himself on his back at the pond's mossy edge, and his horse ambled off to nibble the glade's tender grass.

If anyone had asked what he wanted this precious privacy for, Hendric would scarcely have known how to answer. He knew only that he wished to be himself, sometimes – not a prince, not a statesman in the making, not even a scholar of the world's varied customs, songs, and stories. He wanted to think of his personal future: the girl he would marry – whoever she might be; the children they would have – boys or girls, it didn't matter – a woman could rule as well as a man; the books he would write someday, about the legends and true origins of the Toler, the Haarno, the Paarin, the Maarinen – all the noble houses of Vaaseli.

But, according to Father, a king had no personal life. The King was the country. But surely the people were the country. Perhaps the King was his people. If that were so, Hendric could not know himself, for he scarcely knew his people – only servants and courtiers, and neither very well. Servants effaced themselves, and courtiers postured. Hendric wondered if anyone, other than Father, had ever treated him sincerely.

And Mother, of course. He could scarcely remember. Ten years, nearly, since the fever had carried her off. He remembered her laughter. He remembered her love. And he knew what Father told him, of their courtship and years together. More than a marriage of state:  a love-match as well.

Hendric sighed, closed his eyes to the fluttering green leaves overhead, listened to their whispers . Would he be so fortunate? To have at least that to himself – a wife and family….

 

* * *

            "Karoli! This way!"

            Kyrl Taarko, trailing Sten Karula but riding well ahead of Valmur across the high meadow, waved his arm in a wide gesture, toward a break in the forest.   For a moment Valmur considered ignoring the direction, pretending to be too far behind to see it, instead riding on his own a while before returning to the castle complex. He had only accepted Karula's invitation to this excursion out of a sense of duty to his mission – to know the right people, to make his way in court circles, to become close to Prince Hendric. The invitation was no sincere gesture of friendship – more like angling for improved position, a bid for Valmur's gratitude. Condescending.

            Valmur was proud he had not taken Karula's bait – showed neither umbrage nor gratitude – merely accepted the invitation as though it were sincere, and mattered little to him one way or another. Now the fellow chose to lead his two companions into the forest. Valmur decided he would follow, hoping there was no perverted purpose.

            Soon dense undergrowth slowed Karula on his tall, headstrong mount.  The animal was almost too much for him to handle, and he treated it roughly. When Valmur and Taarko caught them up both youth and beast were in a lather of sweat and annoyance, Karula cursing and the horse snorting as brambles brushed and branches slapped at them.

            At last, in huffing silence, they came to a little clearing where the ground sloped down a bit before them. Karula slid from the saddle, checking his mount's instinct to immediately elude him with a quick, rough hand on its bridle. "We will walk."

            Valmur dismounted. "Walk where?"

            Karula, already leading his mount forward, answered without turning. "There is a pleasant spot a little way from here – Kyrl, you know it. We can get a drink and have a rest."

            They followed something like a path, but plainly not much trod by horses. It descended gradually, and if the density of the woods permitted a breeze the going would be easy. But in the stifling stillness all three boys were perspiring and panting when the woods began to thin, and Karula stopped abruptly. He caught Taarko's eye and held it.

            "There is someone there. Some…interloper." He beckoned Taarko, and between parted bushes both looked down. Valmur craned to see over their shoulders.

            The ground fell away beneath more scattered trees, to a narrow glen, its slopes clad in silvery aspen, its floor green with grass. Near a little spring smooth moss glowed like gold in a shaft of sunlight. A young fellow in woodsman's brown lay on the moss, eyes closed to the sun, hands clasped behind his head. A little across the valley faint jingling betrayed his grazing mount.

            Karula turned to Valmur. "Do you know him?"

            Valmur shook his head and shrugged. He knew no one, apart from classmates, and had never seen this fellow.

            Taarko and Karula shared another look. Taarko cleared his throat and grasped Valmur's sleeve.

            "Looks like some crofter's son. Go down and tell him to be off."

            Valmur checked his urge to frown and offer argument. Clearly his companions had decided to test him, see if he would do their bidding. No reason they should not tell the fellow to be off themselves, but if he said so, they would call it cowardice.

            Best to do what Taarko asked, and make it seem his own will as much as possible.

            As he set off down the slope of the valley, Valmur heard the bushes rustling behind him. He suspected elbow nudges and stifled laughter shared by Taarko and Karula. 

            Well, the devil take them.

 

* * *

 

            "You there! What are you doing here?"

            Hendric opened his eyes and raised himself on his elbows. The sun that had penetrated his eyelids continued to obscure his vision, but he could just make out the figure coming down the hill toward him. He shaded his eyes to improve his view.

            "You had better answer…."

            Well-dressed, like a courtier, but no one Hendric knew. Must be a service school student. Hendric sat up, began to get to his feet.

            "I am only resting from a hot ride. I have a right—"

            "This is the King's forest." 

            The fellow really did not know him. When he did, he would be embarrassed, and that would not be pleasant. "And I am the King's subject, as are you. I believe he will resent

neither of us making use of his lands."

            "You would answer for His Majesty? You may need to answer to him."

            The belligerent fellow stood within feet of Hendric now. Close to, he was younger than his height made him seem, or than his voice sounded. Younger than me, thought Hendric, by at least a little.

            "I am not afraid to answer to my King. I have done nothing wrong."

            "Well, you can be off now, whether that is true or not. I and my friends wish to enjoy this place in peace."

            The poor fellow had friends? Hard to believe with his manner. Hendric looked around the slopes of the glen pointedly, and his unexpected antagonist seemed to take his meaning. 

            "They remain in the forest…." The stranger kept his brave face, but uncertainty was growing. Hendric really had no wish to humiliate him.

            "Well, I should be going anyway – my own companion no doubt looks for me." Hendric turned and whistled for his horse, and only then heard bushes rustle, branches crack, and laughter precede thundering footfalls down the hillside.

            "Sten Karula – I should have known!" Hendric shouted, inclined to laugh himself, but for the look of pained suspicion that flashed across his interlocutor's features.

            Lords Karula and Taarko blundered to a halt beside the flustered fellow, Karula shoving him hard on the shoulder.

            "Bow to your Prince, fool."

            The look of panic on the boy's face was truly painful to Hendric, as he did indeed bow, muttering, "Your Highness, my apologies, I had no idea…."

            "No, no… all right, really… I knew you did not know me."

            "Your Highness, may I present – Lord Valmur Karoli." Karula was still smirking, and Taarko tried with no success to hide his own amusement. Lord Karoli was struggling with both anger and embarrassment.

            "Sten, you should not take advantage…."

            "Only a joke, Your Highness." Karula wished to justify himself, but the smirk faded as Hendric frowned openly. Taarko took his cue from his friend, and sobered at once.

            "No ill will between us, I hope, Karoli?" Taarko held his hand out; Karoli looked at it blankly. "Prince Hendric understands our…little ways."

            "Oh, I understand – but that does not mean that I approve." Hendric sent his thought to the newcomer's mind, a thought of alliance and friendship; he believed it went unnoticed at first – Karoli's mind was tightly shielded – until at last the proffered hand was accepted. Karula had to offer his, after that. Hendric smiled with pleasure at Karoli's graciousness in taking it.

            "Bring your horses down to water, and then we can all ride back together." Hendric grasped Karoli's arm. "I wish to properly make Lord Karoli's acquaintance."

 

* * *

 

            Valmur's internal pleasure crept out in his smile. What had looked like the worst of luck turned to advantage. He rode beside Prince Hendric, and Karula and Taarko rode behind, trapped in conversation with King Renhold's chamberlain.

            "Do not take Karula so seriously. What he does is to build himself up in his own eyes, mostly. Can you imagine how small he must feel…?"

            "But his personal…inclina—"

            "Yes, I know." Hendric shook his head slightly; his dark brown hair fell in his eyes, and he tossed it back again. "That is a matter of nature. I know the Temple mages would say otherwise, but I do not see the point in blaming—"

            "He forces younger boys at school to his will."

            Hendric turned in the saddle to glance back where Taarko simulated interest in the chamberlain's conversation and Karula rode in sullen silence, casting occasional murderous looks at the chamberlain's dog, capering around his nervous mount's hooves. Turning back, Prince Hendric gave Valmur an earnest look. "That is wrong. I will do something to stop it."

            Valmur believed the Prince completely. He was obviously a person of deep conviction. Yet he was equally tolerant, it seemed, and sympathetic.

            "Your Highness." Valmur paused, uncertain how to criticize a prince to his face, but certain he wished to. Hendric raised his eyebrows, nodded. Valmur continued.

            "I wonder that you tolerate such a fellow's company…."

            Hendric sighed, smiling. "Today is not the first time he has given you trouble." He gathered the reins one turn in his hand, found and held Valmur's eye. "Listen, Lord Karoli, I sense a likeness in our natures. I know something of your father—"

            "My father is an old man – older than he need be."

            "Yes, painfully 'traditional.' But you are not like him, though he has tried to make you be. Well, Karula's father has tried to make him be something too, and Sten is determined to please him, for his own reasons. He will be a powerful man, one day. Whatever he is, he would be worse if I had no influence on him. It is my job – to control our country's nobles. The King used to do it through force of arms. But now, I must learn to use my influence."

            Valmur blew out his breath. "It is a hard job."

            For an instant Hendric closed his eyes, then he sat up a little straighter in the saddle.

            "It is. I will need good men to help me do it." 

A moment's silence, and Valmur felt the force of Hendric's mind, a gentle pressure, seeking a link with his. Uncertain but eager, he opened his shielding, allowed the penetration, reached out to meet it.

"I think you may be such a man – will you help me?"

Valmur's heart swelled with accomplishment. How he had achieved it he was not quite certain, but he had found the Prince's favor.

"My liege – I wish for no greater honor."

Author's Note

just the usual -- clarity of sentence structure
And, what do you make of Hendric's nature, of what effect he and Valmur may have on one another in the future?

Reviews

[Nick Anthony]

Leah,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to my Yoda. So...right to the points I noticed.

1...The opening to the transition. Passive narration in and out of POV...I felt. Also, the long sentences slow down the read at points. Take these examples...

A...Prince Hendric still heard the chamberlain's voice calling... You are introducing Hendric for the first time but from who's POV. "still heard" would imply this calling has been going on for some time, but the reader is just now getting to this scene. Think of context...and what follows.

B...He would allow the pair to find him, eventually, but if there were to be a right to privacy for anyone, surely the heir to Vaaseli's throne should enjoy it.

He would allow...who is telling me this? Is this how Hendric thinks, especially the part about the heir to the Vaaseli's throne? I am sure he is aware of who he is, but does he go around thinking this? And the sentence, again another long one right after a previously long sentence and followed by another.

C...Sometimes Hendric nearly wished to be truly disobedient...

Again, who is telling me this, even if he is suppose to be thinking this thought. And "nearly wished"...hmmm, wonderful line, but I find it more from the writer and not the young Prince. And what is the difference in being truly disobedient than just disobedient? A feeling? If this is the case, then add, show us what he means by being truly disobedient than just disobedient.

Ok..not going to keep beating you with the POV and active voice stuff here because I know you know the difference and it may be the style you are going for. But the opening of this chapter feels too told instead of shown, and too slow to show the points.

2..."Karoli! This way!"
Kyrl Taarko, trailing Sten Karula but riding well ahead of Valmur across the high meadow, ...

Ok...I got lost here on who is calling. You transition to a knew POV but I do not know who is calling and line that follows does not help because you are tossing names at the reader and he has to stop to figure out who is who. Structurally, this is not working here because the motivation and response are not connected clear enough.

3... Valmur decided he would follow, hoping there was no perverted purpose.

Valmur decided...well would not just following be a decision. Why does the reader have to know Valmur made the decision? This is something Bill drilled into me head...He decided, he started, he began, he thought, he...he...he, or she as the case may be, shows the writer directing the readers and the easy way out. Show don't tell is the motto, meaning, establish the POV and show us the actions and thoughts instead of telling. If I understand this correctly. Maybe Bill can chime in here and explain it better than I...

4...When Valmur and Taarko caught them up[,] both youth and beast... Comma needed after up, I think.

5...We can get a drink and have a rest."

Ok...we can get a drink...From where? Is there a stream, a tavern, or did someone bring drinks. Getting implies a certain action. How about noting ... there is a pleasent stream where we can refresh ourselves ... or something to show where the drink comes from. Just a thought.

6..."There is someone there. Some�interloper."

Why interloper? Unless these woods and land are owned by Karula, then they too could be considered interlopers. Perhaps it is Karula's personality to have such thoughts, but interloper feels too strong in this case. Just a thought.

7...As he set off down the slope of the valley...

As he...who is telling me this? Just show Valmur starting off and then hearing the bushes rattle behind him. But why the bushes rattle is still a little confusing. I know Valmur is not facing them, so he would not see their actions, but the two young men surely would not make that much noise that could also attract their interloper. Maybe a repressed giggle?

8..."You there! What are you doing here?"

This line as the opening line of this transition works better than the previous opening line of the first transition. Why? Because we know who is speaking from the action of the previous. We know who is approaching and what his mission is...so no tag is needed. This is a very good transition back to Hendric's POV.

9...Close to, he was younger than his height made him seem, or than his voice sounded.

Close to, what? I don't think you need the close to to start this sentence off. It adds nothing, and confused me on what was going on. I suspect its an internal thought by Hendric, and you hope to show him starting out and then drifting perhaps, but it did not feel this way. Just a thought.

10..."I think you may be such a man � will you help me?"

This is one of those lines where readers who know the story wants to shout out...nooo, don't trust him. And Valmurs reply almost makes me believe he is a likeable boy. So something happens to truly set Valmur on his path and I think we have not gotten to it yet. I like.

I like the way Valmur was introduced to Hendric and how you show a contrast between the two and their thoughts. Well done my Yoda...well done.

[jakelsen]

Leah,

Another good chapter in an interesting tale. I love the contrast between the gentle, noble Hendric and Valmur. It will be interesting to see if Hendric has any influence on the wily, ambitious Valmur, or if it will be the other way around.

As for the nit picky stuff, I thought the exchanges between Hendric and Valmur were spot on. The dialogue flowed smoothly, and you did a good job of demonstrating the differences in the two characters. I love the bit where the other young men trick Valmur into confronting Hendric, and I also loved the way Hendric handled it, his sensitivity and astuteness in handling a delicate situation. Not wanting to embarrass Valmur or alienate the other two, who will grow up some day to be influential men. Once the boys all meet, the pace is good and the story engaging. Very well done.

I thought the beginning was a little slow and hard to follow, however.

You say, "Prince Hendric still heard the chamberlain's voice calling, but it grew ever fainter, as did the yawp of the silly hound the man always took out for exercise on their afternoon rides. He would allow the pair to find him, eventually, but if there were to be a right to privacy for anyone, surely the heir to Vaaseli's throne should enjoy it."

Love the word "yawp" to describe the hound's bay. Gonna have to borrow that one. As for the rest of that bit, I think you could state it more clearly and forcefully. I know Hendric is a rule follower and bound by his duty, but he's sixteen years old and never gets a moment's peace, so I think a little irritation is in order. What is the chamberlain's name? I think it will engage the reader more if we have a clearer picture of the man. Is he the big, burly sullen type, or a fuss budget? Young or old? I'm jumping ahead to read Chapter nine, so you might have already done this in an earlier chapter. If so, ignore me.

Maybe something like this: Prince Hendric heard the chamberlain's voice calling and the yawp of the man's silly hound, and felt a stab of guilt. He'd left the forest path, giving them the slip, and his minder would be frantic. [Chamberlain's name] was only doing his duty, but sometimes Hendric wanted to be alone, NEEDED to be alone. He would allow the pair to find him, eventually, but for now he would savor this rare moment of privacy. Surely the heir to Vaaseli's throne was entitled to that much, at least."

I think this sentence could be clearer: " . . . and when Hendric dismounted they dropped their heads to the spring's pooling water for a long, deep drink." I know you're talking about Hendric and his horse when you say "they", but the phraseology seems a bit muddy. "Hendrid dismounted and together he and his steed took a long drink from the spring's pooling water." Something like that so the reader is clear that Hendric and his horse are both taking a drink. That's a good visual, so you might even want to engage the reader's senses even more through sound and taste, or the horse's snuffling.

I feel sorry for poor Hendric, caught between his youthful desires and longings and his duty as a prince. I especially loved the bit about the king being the country. It reminded me of the line out of Excalibur "The King is the land and the land is the King." If Hendric is Arthur, would that make Valmur Mordred? Hmmmm.