Chapter 1: "Heat"

The sun was out in full today and I could feel the drips of sweat moving slick as snakes down my body. It tickled as they dripped down slowly, but I ignored it as I trudged through the sweltering wasteland. We were forbidden from venturing outside the town walls, with the exception of resource gatherers and the city guard, but I hated the confines of the city walls and I had been bending that particular rule since I was a child. Besides, it really wasn’t dangerous during the day when the sun was this hot and I knew of a place that I had seen once when climbing the hills outside of town. My family are scavengers and it really isn’t in our blood to live within the confining safety of the walls anyways. It felt more like a prison, albeit a safe prison I guess.

            My pack was full of supplies for a one day journey and despite the safety it gave me I stewed over the heat it trapped on my back, causing me to sweat further as I climbed the hill. My gift had not presented yet and I knew of the dangers that came with scavenging outside the walls. Not being a fool, I kept a scythe tied to my belt. It tapped my leg as I walked, and I was reassured by its presence.

            As I finally reached the crest of the hill I could feel a breeze whip at my body. It stirred up dust making it more difficult to see into the distance but I didn’t care. It just felt so damn good... I closed my eyes and let it cool my body.

            But a second later I remembered my task. I knelt down and dug through my pack to find an old piece of yellowed paper that I had been making notes on. Last time I was here I had marked the overturned boat with a small penciled “X” somewhere to the north of the hills I was standing on. Scanning my eyes across the horizon, I spotted a mountain looming off in the east and quickly sketched it on my makeshift map.

Heh, guess I must not have seen that in the excitement of finding that boat last time.

Placing the map neatly folded back into my pack, I stood up again to search the plains for the boats’ shadow. Just when I thought I wouldn’t find it in the swirling dust, I spotted a dark shape just to the northwest. It was a big one, or must have been back when water flowed here instead of dust. It was half buried in the dry dirt of the plains and lay on its side, but I could still make out its hulking form.

It must have been amazing to ride on such a thing…wait, why am I daydreaming at a time like this?! I have to get moving.

            The journey would be several hours and the sun was at its peak in the sky. Now was my chance so I heaved my pack onto my back and picked up my pace as I moved down the hills and into the plains below. The other side of the hill was much rockier than I had imagined. The soil was loose and small rocks were strewn across my path, making the climb difficult. Several times I lost my footing and slid down the hill a few feet.

Ugh this is taking too long.

By the time I reached the bottom my hands and knees were completely bloodied and covered in scratches from the rocky slope. The sun was further down in the sky than I had hoped.  I took some water out of my pack and washed away the blood from my hands. I ripped several strips of cloth from the extra shirt in my bag and carefully tied them around my palms. It wasn’t that bad but I didn’t think I would appreciate an infection later.

            The boat was several miles off. I could see it through the heat waves of the plains. The sight of it gave me renewed motivation and I started off walking at a swift pace in its direction. I wondered if my parents had walked this path when they left town all those years ago. Before they disappeared.  

            It had been several years now since they had walked out on a scavenging mission and never returned. Both my mother and father had high ranking gifts. I still couldn’t fathom why they had given up their ranks in city society to become scavengers. We could have lived a much more cushioned life. Once, Dad had told me that he believed there was more to this world. Something that could never be found cowering inside the city walls. I remembered wondering why all of the amazing artifacts that they brought back didn’t mean anything to anyone else.

            One night when I was young my mother and father had brought back a book that belonged to the Old Ones. These were rare among rare. Sadly most of the general population of the city had not learned to read and so the old hunks of paper had lost their meanings. Scavenger families always passed down the skills to read though. My brother and I had treasured the book for so long.  Sometimes we would stay up for hours just reading passages from it together. The cover was too crumbled to read so we never even knew the title. There was so much wonder in how it had survived; who had once held it and cherished it as we did? I think this wonder was what made me believe my parents were still alive out there. Somehow not able to make it back to us.

            Karum resented our parents for disappearing all those years ago. I had been young and my brother was just coming of age. I think he felt they had abandoned us for something better. Or maybe he just resented them for dying when they could have led much easier lives within the city. After I had begun scavenging like our parents he had become so distant toward me. None of his pleading could stop me though. He just didn’t feel the pull. Didn’t have hope that our family was still alive out there somewhere.

            Lost in my thoughts I had reached the hulking form of the boat quickly. It felt amazing to stand in its shadow out of the beating sun. I stood for a moment looking up at the boat. It was amazingly huge, towering far above me. I had a feeling my parents had once come to this place in search of something. Just gazing at this relic of the Old Ones gave me some hope that my parents were out there, alive. 

Author's Note

Please let me know how you like it, and don't feel afraid to leave constructive criticism. I am just starting out with my writing so I would love some feedback to help me improve.

Reviews

[Acropolix]

I llike how you describe the setting and the interaction with the character, as he/she takes reflects on the earlier life. The introduction of the Old Ones is interesting and the search for the boat already installs questions in the readers' mind.

I like to give some comments which you might like to consider.

1. The scavengers are an important part of this chapter, yet I don't get to know as much about them. I believe they are an important element in this chapter, perhaps you can give it some more attention. Are they simply collectors like the 'resource gatherers' or do they fullfil a special purpose like finding relics of the Old Ones? I think it would be an improvement if you shed some more light on this.

2. The thoughts you write in italics should either follow the paragraph as a normal sentence or you dash the line and form a separate paragraph with it. Let me show you what I mean:
Either: "... hill a few feet. Ugh, this is taking too long."
Or: "... hill a few feet.
Ugh, this is taking too long."
This will give the text a more structured overview and make it easier for the reader to understand.

3. I think some sentences would do well with more comma usage. This will give the reader better understanding of what is being read. Try and go over the text once more and see if longer sentences need a comma in there somewhere.
For example: One night, when I was young, my father and mother had brought back a book that belonged to the Old Ones.

4. The description of the boat is somewhat underestimating the importance to the character of finding it. Is it just a big boat and nothing else to it? What does it do in such a place? I feel it needs some more attention and could do with a more extensive description.

I hope this helps. Keep writing!

~Acropolix