Wish I Would have said it earlier.....

A Story by Minakshi_30

Regret of not confessing.

Same rush, same hustle, same traffic, same roads, same city just a different day, a different morning. It's almost 10 and sun has rised fully. Everyone is busy going somewhere and I'm here standing in my balcony doing nothing but watching the people come and go. Well I'm happy that I'm here because after tomorrow when my vacation ends I will also be one among them.

Sometimes I laugh at the living of people, which is basically so common like getting early, going to office, heading home in the evening and then some family time, that's it! I wonder how can one live a life so boring? For that I'm very thankful to my mom that she let me choose a career I wanted and a life I wished to live. After dad left us I never believed in god, the only God I have is my mother, my everything.

I stand somemore time in the balcony and then I come back to my room as the heat now was too much to bear. As I sit on sofa I open my laptop to check for mails. There aren't any important so I ignore rest and open the mail sent by one of my school buddy. As I open it the first word popped in my head is REGRET. Why he keep sending me her photos? I shut the laptop to distract myself from the picture I just saw but whom am I fooling? Myself? Her picture still makes my heart beat rise. Even though I know she is married and can never be mine but this traitor heart still has feelings for her. Apeksha!

As I say her name I feel my whole body on fire. How can I forget her? How can I stop loving her when she was the only girl I loved beside my mother? What if she is married, it won't and it will never lessen my love for her, never!

I say it hundred times to myself not to open the picture again but in the end I give up and open it, staring right into her eyes. It's picture of her marriage and she is standing beside her Husband with his hands over her shoulder. Firstly I feel rage inside me but I knew that I can't do anything. At look at her, yes, she is smiling but deep inside I know that she is faking it. I remember when she used to smile her cheeks and ears used to have a pink blush on them, which is completely missing in the picture.

As I stare more at the picture, a question strikes me, Is she happy? Well I don't know the answer to it and I can't even assume anything, in the end I'm the one who is going to get hurt but I deserve it, I'm too liable for hurt. In fact I'm the only one who should get hurt after all it was my mistake that I let her go, It was my mistake that I never told her the truth, it was my mistake that I gave up on her so easily. Why was I such a fool?

I once again shut down my laptop and go to balcony again, I needed some fresh air. As I sit there, I remember everything we shared, I remembered US! Me and her! I was in 10th class when I liked it and soon decided to propose. She rejected me at the start but I was not willing to give up and continued taking efforts and finally one day she accepted it and made me the happiest person alive.

After mom, she was my everything. The love of my life. Like every other couples we had arguments, sometimes biggest of the arguments and I was the egoistic one that never said a simple sorry to her it was always her who made up for our relation and I always believed that I made a right choice by choosing her, after all what more can a man wish for other than a women who never give upon him?

She was all sweet and caring. I knew that she loved me the same way I loved her, in fact she loved me more. The relationship was going all smooth until one day her parents came to know about us and she was grounded for weeks but that stupid girl still came to meet me saying that she missed me and can't live without me.
I was happy but on the other hand I realised something and tried to distance myself from her, it used to hurt me a lot but I knew it was good for her and that was my worst mistake, soon we started having more arguments which reached at a point that we stopped talking for almost a week but again she swallowed her pride and came back to me and I whole heartedly accepted because even I missed her so much, and that was my second mistake.

She was so involved in our relation that it started affecting her studies and her relation with her family. I hated myself for that, I wanted to bring back everything to normal, I knew that her parents had big dreams for her as my mother had for me and I never wanted her to spoil their dreams hence I did something which I thought was good for her, yes, I broke up with her, I ended our relation saying that she should not contact me. She was hurt and it was clearly visible she kept on asking me the reason but I didn't had one so I always ignored her question and told her to stay away from me. And soon she started doing it and it hit me so hard but I controlled and decided to wait, wait till the time her parents will believe that I'm perfect for her and for that all I had to do was hard work.

I started studying hard. I was a media student that was something I always wanted to do. I focused on my career, today being a community manager, I have everything, own flat, car, various luxuries, everything but I don't have my love beside me, I don't have my Apeksha with me. Worst loser I'm!

After I got a proper job I came back to India. First thing I wanted to do was see her but I was too late, too damn late. The day I reached here was the day she got married to someone else. It was day correctly a week before present date and once again I regretted coming back. Why I came back, to hurt myself? Why I didn't came early?

The buzz of my phone brought me back to present and I just smile at myself thinking of her. All I could do now is think, think that why I didn't said everything to her a little earlier?
If I would have done that things would have been different today.

I wish I Would Have said it to her earlier..........