The Sound of Goodbye

Barely audible…

the sleepy sound of this city’s streets,

the rain in august, and

the quiet droning of tomorrow’s dawn,

when it’s only a possibility

and not a promise.

Barely audible…

the dripping of water

from the eaves of this house,

that isn’t ours anymore,

like a watch lost in a poker game,

gone but still here,

just living on someone else’s wrist.

 

Barely audible…

the sickening stirring

of your tin can breath,

rattling off the seconds

like a worn out clock, ticking

ticking, ticking…

 

Barely audible…

my imagination in the full grip

of a waking nightmare, shaking

like a horse in the rain,

as I try to dream away the darkness,

because in sunlight we all seem

just a little less hopeless.

Reviews

[D.R. Wilsey Jr.]

You've got some amazing imagery here. Wonderful word choice and construction. The repetition works well as a lead-in to each new image and sound. Excellent work. Look forward to reading more of yours.

[The Analog Kid]

I like the use of repitition. It works well here. Also, I really dig:
"as I try to dream away the darkness,
because in sunlight we all seem
just a little less hopeless."

Patrick

[Poetic Beauty]

Beautifully written. It is sorrowful and I know from time to time I would rather sleep than wake up and deal with situations that are hard. I have felt this way three times in my life. The poem flows fluidly and conveys your thoughts from beginning to end

[Bette]

i like this i thought it was about a split up but then you said the sicking stirring of you tin can breath. beautifully written

[Ferg]

this is really a good piece.....the resignation in it is palpable......
the imagery is spot on in creating the picture of what you are trying to convey....the demise of a relationship. very effective writing!

[G. Marie"floating on an..]

I like this poem and i was amused by "shaking like a horse in the rain" I think we have to not be afraid to use a little humor in our poems even the serious poems. I feel what you were writing and that makes of a good poem

[Tony]

The big fade, when we realize our relationship has lost all hope and no longer holds a sound purpose. Your expressions and the use of choice words are excellent.

Antony

[Georgia Gypsy]

I really love how you pull the reader in with the imagry you've used. The repetition is used with perfect clarity to remind how the emotions play off the picture you paint, it sets the scene so to speak.

(didnt mean to write you a book on this..lol,;)
very well done!
-kelli