Newport At Night

 

 

Under a full moon,

I concentrate on my feet

melting through the sand

and try a little too hard

not to notice the derelicts

settling in for the night,

burying each other’s heads in the sand

for warmth,

 

and the teenagers

creating their own void

like some witchdoctor in the wild

only they’re not dancing around fires

or bleeding goats,

they’re wasting for the sake of

wasting

 

and I forget myself for a moment,

tripping over my own worn out feet,

until I’m hands and knees in the

quicksand

wondering if there really is

more to life than contemplating

the inevitable

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

"burying each other's heads in the sand"

Like ostriches do, only this is a metaphor for being in denial because of the derelicts plight. Making sense of art will always be more up to the customer (for lack of a better word) then the artist.

Nicely done dear poetess.
Welcome to the cafe.

Happy weekend!
Antonio

[nostal]

Wow,
this is beautiful.
I also disagree with what Rachel said.

[Jeannie Wilder]

I disagree with my dear friend Rachel here, I think punctuation is really a stylistic thing when it comes to poetry. Sometimes I don't use any, because putting the words in separate lines can create the desired effect. I liked this, especially when you touch on the teens. It's all true, and sometimes inevitable, but we can make our own decisions to change that, don't you think?
overall well done, and welcome!

[Mary]

i really liked this!! I liked the point and the almost who cares feeling to this:) Great write!

[Rachel U.]

Muy interesante. I actually like your imagery in this. Be careful with your wording, though. //burying each other’s heads in the sand// This line doesn't really make sense - why would they bury each other's heads?
The amount of commas really threw me off. There is such a thing as *too many*. In addition, you act as if the whole poem were one giant, run-on sentence by ending it with a period. You might want to consider putting a period at the end of each stanza.
Overall, good job. And welcome to WritersCafe. ;)