When I Forget

When I forget... a part of me will always remember.

When I Forget

 

When I forget you, remember that a part of me will always weep…

 

There was a time I had everything about you memorized. Your voice, your eyes, the way you wore your hair and the way you laughed. The deep, baritone sound of joy coming from you was what I lived for.

 

I loved the way you walked. You were always a tall guy, but you always made sure I was right by your side. You never left me behind. We would walk in step, and you didn’t care how slow you had to go so I could keep up.

 

There was something about the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled. That look made you seem… worldly. It made you seem as though you had seen many things in your life that you wanted to share, and that smile reminded me just how excited you got over the little things in life, things others wouldn’t give a second thought to.

 

But now that’s gone.

 

When I forget you, remember that a part of me knows what you mean to me…

 

“I love you.” You told me, holding my hand and kissing my cheek. I tried to tell you that I’m sick, but how could I? There were days I couldn’t remember to tell you ‘good morning’ or ‘hello’ simply because, for those scary and fleeting moments, I hadn’t the slightest clue who you were.

 

Now it starts.

 

“Please don’t look at me like I’m a stranger.” You begged me, trying to hold me but I fought back.

I don’t know who this man is.

 

“You know me!” You shout in my face, “Stop this, you’re scaring me!”

 

I’m scaring him? Doesn’t he know how scared I am?

I try to tell him but then I stop and remember why it was so important for me to keep this to myself. Why was his smile gone? I really liked his smile. I liked the way it crinkled his eyes… it made him seem worldly, as if he--

 

Wait… who?

 

Why is his hair up? No, I like it down, where it frames his face. I always tell him to shave, but then he looks different, and I can't wait for it to grow back… but then how long would that take?

 

Who is he?

 

“Don’t run from me!”

 

He’s trying to hold me, but his touch his foreign. It used to be so warm and kind. Losing myself in his arms was everything to me once upon a time. Letting him hold me and protect me from the world was something I would have given my soul to feel again.

 

“Do you know the stars are gifts from the Earth to the sky?” I would ask him. Then he would smile in that familiar way and tell me that if he could, he would give me all the diamonds in the world.

 

When I forget you, remember that a part of me will always love you…

 

Why are the cops here? Apparently I called them. He’s sitting on the couch, his head in his hands while they interrogate them. He tells them that I'm sick and need help, that we live together and I know him. They don't believe him.

I snap to my senses and tell them to leave him alone. I kick them out and then fall to me knees, begging him to forgive me. 

 

“What are you doing to me?” He demanded, “To us?”

 

I try to explain to him again, but this time he throws up his hands and tells me that he can’t do this anymore. He loves me but I’m breaking his heart, he says. As if it’s something I can control.

 

“I’ll leave then!” I say, though I know that’s not what he means. His smile is permanently gone, and his hair is in disarray. He takes unnaturally long strides to get a hold of me, but I run out to the street, because… because… how did I get here?

 

“Stay away from me!” I warn him, a stranger. Who is he? Why is he chasing me?

I back out further into the street and hear a car coming. I turn just in time to see the headlights approach me faster and faster, its horn blaring at me and growing louder and louder.

 

He shouts my name and runs towards me.

 

I turn to face him and scream his name…

 

When I forget you, know that this isn’t what I wanted.

 

Author's Note

Story behind this: a close friend of mine told a story about a woman, who suffered from dementia, that divorced her first husband and then remembered who he was when they were leaving the courthouse, but by then it was too late, and he had a stroke and died.
I don't know how authentic that story is, but that inspired me to write this story. I don't know it is with me and cryptic tales of late, but hey... writer's privileged, right? ;)

Reviews

[Angad Waraich]

Oh beautiful sadness my dark paradise (i used one of my lines) because i dint know how else to start to describe a piece such as this, eloquent writing and well i am a sucker for tragedies , so well you nailed it.
Very well done piece.

Thank you for sharing.
Angad

[Mila]

Thank you!!

[Malister Mikey]

This story had my heart pumping my palms sweaty and I just could not stop reading this is a scary poem for me, because I used to suffer from losing my memory quite frequently. Damn I am so hyped up this was very well written and I can not help, but remember how I feel in love with your work. Very good job you're an artist of the written word for sure.

Sincerely, Malister Mikey

[Mila]

Thank you so much for your kind words!!! :)

[MomzillaNC]

Oh, this is so tragic. It brought tears to my eyes. The language and imagery are perfect. The narrative is compelling and has the ring of truth.

My own grandmother suffered from early onset senility and dementia. In the end, she forget everyone except her Jack. My poem, "Move On, Move On" is about them. She would have these moments when she'd remember us, but you had to keep reminding her to get that moment of recognition. However, she never forgot her Jack. We all lived in dread of the day she would forget him because we knew that she'd be truly gone forever then. It was a tremendous blessing that she never forgot him.

NOTES: It could use some tweaking -- I saw incomplete and run-on sentences.

[Mila]

Thank you so much for the review and your story. It really touches my heart when my readers can relate to what I write!

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. I think it speaks to the truth you put into your writing.

[stars are far]

that was very shocking to me, i was like whats happening and she's lucky and dunno. that was very good work, the way you put this up all together is amazing. I enjoyed it, well done :)

[Mila]

Thanks! :):)

[anne]

I would call it a brilliant write..amazing stories comes from you..this is beautifully surrounded with emotions..:))

[Mila]

Thank you very much!! :):)

[Jennie Baron]

Absolutely expertly written. I'm in awe! You have used repetition for emphasis perfectly in this story. The bizarreness of the situation is artfully illustrated. I agree with Mr. M's review, also. I won't soon forget this one.

[Mila]

Thank you so much, Jennie!! :)

[Saddam]

When I forget you, remember that a part of me will always weep…

Ah! Just a relative write dear friend. I can't tell you How She is close to me, though she is not with me. Thanks for sharing this wonderful write and bring back my thought.

[Mila]

Awww thank you so much for your kind words! :)

[Mr_M]

A very eriee tale with great dialogue. Many fall at these hurdles but you seem to run past them like they are not even there. I like the way it goes down hill for both parties, and how her condition has this incredible strain on the pair of em. Sad ending, but sad endings are harder to forget. not all stories are paved with golden paths and emerald cities so I applaud you on that. It is the type of subject where I don't think there could be a happy ending. (Makes me sound so morbid. I am an optimistic person when I am not writing) Excellent story.

[Mila]

I think all writers are closeted optimists. :)
Thank you, I'm so glad you liked it! Makes me feel less bad for writing such a sad story.

[Mr_M]

Ha! I think you maybe right. I feel you are raising an awarness of a condition that families and friends live with on a daily basis. The impacts it has. Regardless of the fictional elements the reality is very real. Plus it is a great story. I admire your style of writing.

[Mila]

Thank you very much! :)