The Cold Maiden Fair

A story about loneliness, heartbreak and solace. Written in dedication to all of my friends who I witnessed suffering in this way...

The Cold Maiden Fair

A life was once spent in solitude. There was ever a fear that one day would lead to more and more tired loneliness. It grew cold, the chill was overwhelming.

 

The years droned on, my sorrow could only grow. Held back by the shackles of limitations and left to dream the impossible, I began to imagine what could be and what would never be. I began to desire.

 

Desire turned into an overwhelming need. I couldn’t deny it. I couldn’t ignore it. All around me, wherever I went, wherever I looked, I always seemed to ask only one question: “is he here?”.

 

But who? Who was I looking for? Was it him, the tall, proud man with the shoulder length hair and sense of confidence? Or him, the thin man with hunched shoulders and since-quieted tongue? Was it the man I had seen on my way to my destination, or the man I had yet to see when returning home again? Was it the man that held the door open for me at the café? Or the man who had taken my order?

 

Often, it felt as though that was the only thing I ever thought about. That I made myself look my best every day, not so I could feel proud of living in my skin, but because men would see me and think “she’s a beauty”.

 

The fear of that never happening set deep into my flesh, until it took over every thought that crossed my mind. Worry caused my face to grow hard and guarded. I began to question what I was told, even the compliments. The opportunities to have conversations with the men I fancied I let pass, simply because I was afraid that I was not good enough to speak to them, let alone be around them.

 

Other women capitalized on the opportunities I missed, and I hated them for it. Hatred turned me cold. I began to lash out to those who were kind to me. I began to question God’s love for me, and why he punished me with perpetual solitude. I questioned if love would ever find me.

 

I turned to my fantasies. I focused on them. I created a man who loved me unconditionally, and I made sure I had every detail about him tattooed on my mind. I knew there was no way he could exist, but sometimes I swore I could feel him…

 

Then I imagined him watching me, following me, silently guarding me. I couldn’t imagine him not being there, to me that was impossible. I was no longer lonely; for I had him there with me… but for some reason I was still cold.

 

The chill, I realized, remained. It made me wonder if my life would ever take a turn. He was there… he was always there.

 

But I was always still so cold…

Author's Note

The story behind this: I had a good friend (in respect to her wishes, I won't mention her name) who went single her entire college career. She cried about it, because she felt as though she wasn't good enough, and she would dress up every single day because she thought if she looked her best, a guy would find her. She was at the point where she would date anyone. She was always cold and closed off and very temperamental for as long as she was here.
Today she's in graduate school at Emory and she's happily engaged to a man she met in a Starbucks.
All in all, don't give up on love! Sometimes the best things happen when you're ready to give up. :)

Reviews=motivation! <3 Hope you liked it!

-Mila

Reviews

[NoelHC]

Interesting back story to this, and you did a good job of conveying it to the reader. I saw two capitalization errors, and think "at" fits better than "to" in the correction at the bottom.

“is he here?”. (Is...)
“she’s a beauty”. (She...)
I began to lash out to those (I began to lash out (at) those...)

[Mila]

Thanks for the review and the notes! :D

[Rebecca Leigh]

I definitely relate to this story, and your friend. thank you for sharing this story, and back-story.. It brought hope to my heart

[Mila]

Thank you for the review! I am glad that you were able to relate to this. :)

[Skai Rain]

A beautiful, quite philosophical story. Made me kind of sad to read but I loved every word of it. Great work!

[Mila]

Thank you! Yeah, sometimes writing these stories is hard because for a lot of them you want to have a happy ending, but the beauty is in both the realistic and unrealistic endings and, sometimes, trying to find the happy middle ground.
Glad you enjoyed! Thanks for the review :)

[Lauren]

"I turned to my fantasies. I focused on them. I created a man who loved me unconditionally, and I made sure I had every detail about him tattooed on my mind. I knew there was no way he could exist, but sometimes I swore I could feel him…

Then I imagined him watching me, following me, silently guarding me. I couldn’t imagine him not being there, to me that was impossible. I was no longer lonely; for I had him there with me… but for some reason I was still cold.

The chill, I realized, remained. It made me wonder if my life would ever take a turn. He was there… he was always there.

But I was always still so cold…"

I know that my interpretation of this is not right, but to me this reminds me of God. He is always there and he always love me but I always just still feel like something is not right. (And if you're not religious please don't be offended by my interpretation!) But I love this. It is very well written and it has made me really think. Very beautiful

[Mila]

Even though I wrote this for a friend, I am flattered that you had your own interpretation of this! I am Hindu, so your religious interpretation is both welcome and thanked! :) I am glad you enjoyed this! Thanks for the review :)

[anne]

Mila your stories are so good to read...liked it a lot and can understand that state of mind...but your message really really good..god bless you...

[Mila]

Thank you very much! :)

[Ananth Napa]

A very nice read . True story of many... Beautifully written!

[Mila]

Thank you! :)