What am I doing? I'm in the middle of a room...my room. My House. Ok. That's the where. Now the why. I'm naked. Bottom half. Totally buffing it. Why am I naked? Am I about to have sex? Better clarify that.
"Hello?"
No answer. So I'm not having sex. Course not. I couldn't be that lucky. So I'm naked. Why else are people naked in their home? Shower time? No. I smell springtime fresh.
*sniff*
Springtime...anyways, I must be changing then. Better finish that.
*ring*
Doorbell. Someone must be at the door.
Yeah.
"Hello?"
"Yes sir I was wondering if you'd like to buy some cooki-"
*high pitched scream*
Oh Jesus. What's going on? Why's this little girl scout screaming? Why's she running away?
Why am I naked?
I need to start writing this stuff down...
Forgetful.
*ring*
Doorbell. Someone must be at the door.
Wait. What's this note?
"Cops coming. Flashed Girl Scout"
What the hell?
"Police! Sir, I'm gonna need you to open this door."
Oh dear God, what did I do?
What did I-
*ring*
Doorbell. Someone must be at the door.
"Can I help you?"
"Sir, I'm gonna need you to put your pants on. Then you're coming with me."
"Coming with you? Why?"
"Sir you exposed yourself to a child."
I've gotta start dressing faster.
'I did?"
"Sir, are you high?"
"No..."
"Drunk? Intoxicated?"
"Those mean the same things-"
"Are you being smart with me, Sir?"
"No I-"
"Because I do not appreciate being smarted with!"
"I think the correct terminology is 'smarted off to'."
"Sir, you have five seconds to explain yourself or I will be forced to strike you with a blunt instrument."
Holy crap.
"Yes. Of course. Let me grab my pants."
"Take your time."
Gotta get the pants. Get the pants. Get in the pants. Write this down. Gotta show the man my card.
"Ready, Sir?"
"Ok. I have something in my pants that I think will help straighten this all out."
"Sir, are you insulting me?"
"No, of course not."
"Because I believe any allusions of homosexuality amongst this police department ended with the careers of the Village People."
What?
"I'm not sure you understand, just let me reach into my pants-"
"Sir, I don't believe you wish to add another count of indecent exposure to your resume."
"What? No, I have a card that explains a very rare condition I suffer from. Short term memory loss. It's probably why I don't remember exposing myself to that little girl. In fact, it's probably why I answered the door naked when she rang. The same goes for you."
Wait...
"Sir, do you think this is a joke?"
Why is there a cop here?
"Can I help you, Officer?"
Why is he tasering me?
******************************
Why am I in a hospital?
"Mr. Grayson, my name is Dr. Cage. I bet you're wondering what you're doing here in the hospital."
Oh great, a psychic doctor.
"And if you're wondering, the answer is no, I'm not psychic."
What the hell?
"I just figure that a man with short term memory who's just woken up in a hospital bed after being tasered by an officer fresh off suspension deserves an explanation as to why he's just woken up in a hospital bed."
"Wait, I was tasered?"
"Yes. By a police officer fresh off suspension."
"I can't imagine why he was suspended."
"Oh he severely beat a man with his nightstick. Which explains why he was carrying a taser after being released from his suspension."
Why do you keep repeating the same words?
"I bet you're wondering why I keep repeating the same words."
Agh!
"Or why I seem to be able to read your mind."
Agh!
"It's a bit of a habit. Somewhat OCD you could say. And I'm good at reading emotions."
"Cool?"
"Indeed."
I'm going to die here.
"So, as to my previous inquiry, I bet you're wondering why you're in this hospital."
"Dr. Cage, I don't mean to sound rude, but you'd better get to the point before this starts to fade."
"Of course, well, after being tasered, seemingly without reason by an officer recently released from suspension, whom the LAPD deemed "Mentally Stable" for normal duty, the police department would love to keep this on the 'down-low'."
Oh God, he's doing that stressed annunciation thing Mike Myers made famous.
"Please stop."
"What?"
"Never mind."
"Anyways, the department would like to keep you in care until you are fully cured."
"All it was was a taser, shouldn't I be able to leave right away?"
"Well...Officer Serenity-"
"Serenity?"
"Yes, the irony wasn't lost on me, either."
"That's good."
"As I said, Officer Serenity also struck you several times with a nightstick."
"I thought you said he was relieved of nightstick...duty."
"Yeah, he stole one from a fellow officer."
What a fine man.
"Well, unless there's some incredibly expensive surgery that could cure me of my short term memory loss, then I see no reason why the LAPD should fear the threat of yet another lawsuit."
"Ha."
"There isn't is there?"
"No."
"Ok. Just checking."
Damn.
"Well, Mr. Grayson, I'll be back in a couple of hours to check your status. A nurse will be in shortly. Try and get some sleep."
"Thanks."
And when I wake up, I won't remember a thing.
****************************
Well, I'm awake. And I'm in a hospital.
Figures.
"Nice to see you awake, Mr. Grayson."
And there's an incredibly hot nurse leaning over me.
Figures?
"Nice to meet you, hot nurse."
Did I just say that out loud?
"Excuse me?"
There it is. Raised eyebrows. Pursed lips. Eyes that look like I can lose myself into...
God I'm a girl.
"Forgive me. I sustained a major head injury today."
"So you're saying without this injury you'd probably not comment on my hotness?"
How do women manage to do this?
"I'm sorry?"
"Don't be. Besides there's no point in me giving you the cold shoulder, you'd just forget why I'm giving it to you. And by the time I reexplain why I'm giving you the cold shoulder-"
"I'll have forgotten?"
"Exactly."
"Well, I wouldn't mind you giving it to me."
"Pardon?"
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
"The cold shoulder I mean. Not sexual intercourse."
And still I keep talking.
"I'm just gonna stop now."
"Don't worry. There's nothing cuter than a nervous guy talking to me. Makes me feel like I'm someone they have to impress."
"That's funny. Can I ask you your name before you exit my consciousness?"
"It's Julie."
"Thanks."
"Get some rest Mr. Grayson. I'll come check on you later."
"Ok."
Julie. Wow. Julie, Julie, Julie. Maybe if I say it enough times I won't forg-
Hey, I'm in a hospital.
*****************************
"Sir, I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry?"
"No Sir, I'm sorry."
"No, I meant 'I'm sorry?', as in 'What are you sorry for?"
"Oh."
"Sorry about that."
Glad that's settled.
"Anyways Sir, I'm sorry for tasering you."
"Tasering me?"
"Yes Sir, tasering you."
I was tasered?
"And for beating you, Sir."
I was beaten? Well, I guess that would explain why I'm in a hospital.
"Ok?"
"Ok, Sir? As in "I won't press charges against the LAPD and you're free to blame your explosion over problems at home?'."
"No. More like, 'I'm confused as to who exactly you are and why you're here'."
"Oh God, Sir, please tell me I haven't damaged your brain from the beating!"
"No. No, I just have short term memory loss."
"From the beating, Sir!?"
"No! No, I'm perfectly fine, aside for the short term memory loss. And that was from another accident."
"Oh. Ok, Sir."
Sir! Sir! Sir Sir Sir!
"You know you say 'Sir' a lot?"
"Yes, Sir."
I must've been Hitler in my past life.
"Well, as long as you don't come back here again, I forgive you."
"Yes, sir."
"Please go."
Time to sleep.
*****************************
Hey, there's a hot nurse above me.
"Hey there..."
I don't know her name! But I'm sure she's met me before. She's obviously my nurse! Why am I in a hospital?! Why can't I stop scream thinking?! Just say something. Whatever comes to your mind!
"...Hot Nurse."
Not that.
"Mr. Grayson. We've had this discussion."
"My bad. It's just that I have this condition-"
"I know. You told me."
"And how did that go?"
"Not well."
Agh!
"But you were endearing."
Score! I'm endearing!
"So you think I'm endearing?"
"Don't push your luck."
"And would asking you out, despite the fact that I'll forget where our dinner reservations will be, considered an endearing trait?"
"Get some rest, Mr. Grayson."
"Call me Tom."
Ah. I got a smile.
"Get some rest, Tom."
"So...is that a yes?"
Bye, Hot Nurse.
*****************************
"Well hello there, Mr. Grayson."
"Hello there...Doctor person."
"Oh, my mistake, I'd forgotten about your condition resulting from your injury. Not from the injury you sustained today, but from an injury you sustained some years back."
Ok?
"I'm Doctor Cage."
"So about this injury?"
"Ah yes. The injury you sustained earlier today, not the injury you sustained some several years ago."
Still waiting.
"About it?"
"About what?"
"My injury."
"Ah yes, the injury you sus-"
"Please stop."
"Very well."
Thank you.
"So why am I here?"
"You sustained an injury after being tasered and beaten by an LAPD police officer fresh off a suspension, who of course you have already absolved of any wrongdoing."
"Figures."
Wait, why does that not surprise me? Seriously, why doesn't it?
"The good news is, it seems as though your bruises are subsiding and you only sustained a slight concussion."
"I thought my injuries were minor."
"Well compared to the injuries you sustained several years previously, yes, your concussion is rather insignificant."
This man is killing me.
"Don't worry, Mr. Grayson, you'll be outta here soon."
"Thanks, Dr. Cage."
"And don't you worry, you're in good hands, no one's trying to kill you."
Agh!
*****************************
"Mr. Grayson."
Hey it's Julie, the hot nurse. Wait, I still remember her name.
How cool is that?
"Hey Julie."
"You remember me?"
"Of course I do, how could I forget you?"
"Uh..."
"Oh, aside from my crippling mental condition, how could I forget you?"
Ah. Ah. Got another smile.
"So Julie, about that date we'll be going on."
"You are persistent aren't you?"
"I find it can be endearing."
Yep. A definite laugh.
"So you can remember some things."
"Little bit. I usually hold new things in my noggin for about a half hour to an hour, though there have been streaks. One time, I almost went an entire day before I forgot where I was in the middle of the freeway. Was terrifying."
"I'd imagine."
Wow. Her hand's on mine. This is crazy. Sparks are flying.
No wait, she's just checking my pulse.
But she lingered a bit, so I'll call it a half-win.
"So what kind of food are you in the mood for tonight? Italian? Chinese?"
"Mr. Grayson-"
"Call me Tom. I know I told you that."
"Tom-"
"There you go."
I need to stop interrupting people.
"How do I know that you won't forget me as soon as I leave the room?"
"How could I forget you?"
"Aside the obvious reason?"
"Look. No matter what happens to a person, there are somethings, some people, that can never be forgotten. When two people make a connection, no matter what happens, it remains forever, even if it's buried in the back of the mind. It may take me some time, but I'll never forget you."
That was pretty good.
"Well that was quite a speech, Tom."
Oh wow, a hot nurse.
"I'm sorry?"
"Tom, don't joke around."
"What's going on, why am I in a hospital?"
"Never mind..."
She's leaving. What did I do?
"Hot Nurse?"
Why do I feel I just screwed up something big?
*****************************
"Hello Mr. Grayson."
"Please, call me Tom."
"Of course, I'd give you my name but there won't be much point.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
"Yeah. I'd probably just forget it within the next thirty minutes."
HA. HA. HA.
"Exactly, I was just about to say that! Isn't that odd?"
"Don't laugh."
"What?"
"Don't laugh! Don't you f*****g laugh!"
It isn't funny. It isn't funny.
"I-I'm sorry."
"I don't want to forget any more! I don't want to forget. Please...please, I don't want to forget."
Wh-Why am I crying?
******************************
I feel like crap.
Great, and here comes a beautiful woman.
"Hey there Mr. Grayson."
"Hey there..."
What the hell, just say what you feel.
"Hot Nurse?"
Dude! She can read my mind!
"It's ok, you've called me that before."
"I figured as much."
"Yeah."
Uh oh. Trouble.
"I sense I've done something to upset you."
"No Mr. Grayson, it's ok."
"See I would remember, but I have this condition-"
"I know Mr. Grayson. You told me."
"You know you can call me Tom."
"You told me that too."
Ouch.
"I get the feeling this was important to you."
"It was."
"I also get the feeling that it was important to me as well."
"It was?"
"Oh yeah."
It would be so much easier to connect if you knew her name!
It started with a J.
Janice? Jenny? Julie?
Julie? Was it Julie?
Nah.
"You know someone once told me that when two people meet, that if those two form a true connection, then nothing can ever make them forget one another."
This guy sounds like such a girl.
"That's nice."
Sometimes you've just gotta go for it, no matter the risk.
"So, I'm getting released today."
"Yep."
"And I was wondering...would you like to get dinner sometime?"
Brace yourself.
"I'd love to."
Yes! Yes Yes Yes!!
"I get off at eight. You can pick me up at eight tomorrow."
"Tomorrow at eight. Ok."
And the crowd goes wild. Raah! Raah!
"So I'll see you tomorrow night."
"Look forward to it."
I should probably write this down.
"You know you should probably write it down."
"Yeah that'd be great."
"I'll write you a note."
"Don't bother. I'll just lose the note. Write it on my arm."
"Ok."
And there she goes.
Quick, say something romantic!
"You know you never told me your name. This time."
What the hell, that'll do.
"I'll tell you at dinner."
She's gone.
"See ya."
Julie...
Damn it! It was Julie!
FIN
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