Thine Eyes

My first poem in almost two years. Love.

 

In thine eyes I see a swirling ocean.

Deep pools of ambrosia,

gathering by my waist,

swallowing me in their path.

 

From thy lips I taste divinity.

The goddess beauty

glorified by Apollo's rays.

Ravager of mankind.

 

Thy breasts be as pillows.

Thy skin of spun silk.

Thy breath, the word of God;

through it passes the life of being.

 

In thine eyes I see the window to your soul,

a blazing ember of light,

golden as the gates of Eden.

The purity of thy love.

Reviews

[Michael X]

Nice job
you overstate the character.. too many "i" "my and "me..
and it switches from modern to olde english making the feeling inconsistant
if you revised this poem at least 3 times, in all areas, I think it would be nice,
the basic wording with no syllable syntax in flow made it choppy.
but i think this could be an excellent poem, keep writing.

[pal]

"In thine eyes I see the window to your soul,
a blazing ember of light,
golden as the gates of Eden.
The purity of thy love."

Just wonderful. Can't be said better.

pal

[Raef C. Boylan]

But nobody gets shot here...what's going on? Lol, just kidding mate. Nice that you've detoured from your usual style and expressed your admiration for this unseen figure.
Well done for maintaining the Shakespearian language, 'thy' etc. throughout.
The stanza describing her eyes uses a good metaphor [/analogy?]
Great write. Thanks for sharing this.

[.::Cup^E^Cake*RaWr!*::.]

omg this is so beautiful the last stanza is my fave!
Great Work!

[Angel's Lady]

Wow. Very beautiful. Very different from the great Michael Carr's usual style! You must be in love, my friend, for this is truly awesome and speaks of a pure love, passion withheld.

Thy skin of spun silk. --- Yep, definitely in love. A woman's skin always feels like silk when you're in love!

Wonderful write! Great job.

[Paza]

Wow, Michael. This is certainly different for you, isn't it? :-) It reads quite beautifully. I've always been attracted to eyes...it is always the first thing I notice about a person. The many things you can see in the eyes of a loved one...it is a wonderful measure of feeling, being lost in one's lover's eyes... I especially liked the expression you used "swallowing me in their path" as that is exactly how it feels to look into the eyes that love you. Nice work!

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Ooh... If I didn't know any better, I'd say this was erotica. ;) lol! This was slightly explicit and detailed in all the right places.

I love the way you sort of combined Greek Mythology and Christian references.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood