The Storm

A series of conversations between two men in a dying world.

how long have you been here?
-where?
on the road.
-that depends.
on what?
-what year is it?
a late year.
-then a long time.
a long time.
-yes.
and your child, how old is he?
-i think he is six, I'm not sure. my watch doesn't work.
take mine.
-i couldn't.
take it. there's a spare battery in the bag, somewhere in there.
-you don't need it?
not where I'm going.
-and where are you going?
home.

 

-is that why you have the gun?
it is.
-you're gonna do it.
yes.
-may I...
may you what?
-may I have it...when you're done?
it won't be any use to me.
-so yes?
yes.

 

-a bird.
where?
-on that branch.
where? i can't see.
-look closely, it's resting on the end. it's covered in ash.
oh my lord.
-i know.
i haven't seen one in years.
-me neither.
it's beautiful.
-it is.
it's beautiful.

 

-what do you taste?
i taste peaches.
-peaches?
peaches. red wine. a hint of autumn.
-divine.
and you?
-what do i taste?
what do you taste?
-i taste charlette's cooking. the cold lemonade she brought out to me and samuel the years before the storms began.

 

your son is far out.
-he knows how far he can go.
and the string around his waist?
-you can never be too careful.
not with the ones you love.

 

do you miss her?
-who?
your wife?
-of course.
you never cry.
-i care for samuel. i can not let him see me cry.
you're lucky.
-why?
you still have someone to hide your tears from.

 

the storm is coming.
-yes.
just like yesterday.
-yes.
it will kill us one day.
-one day.
it will kill us all.
-maybe, but today is not that day, and I pray it will not come soon.
but I do.
-then you are lost.

 

-are you leaving?
yes.
-where to?
i've already told you.
-is there nothing I can say--
no.
-nothing at all?
no.
-then go.

 

*gunshot*

 

papa?
-yes, samuel?
where is uncle vern?
-he's gone.
gone?
-yes.
where did he go?
-somewhere where he could be free. somewhere where the ash doesn't blow in the wind to choke our lungs. somewhere where the sun shines brightly in our western sky.
where is that, papa?
-home.

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

Not to parrot TJ Timmins, but I was amazed at how well the personalities and the environment came across in this story even though you used no description. This is a good write, but moreover it is an interesting write. Short as it was, it nevertheless left me wondering where and how the story might progress further. It also left me speculating as to what sort of storms may have caused all this death, destruction and hopelessness. Ah, but I suppose a good tale SHOULD leave the reader questioning and using his or her own imagination to fill in the blanks. So, bravo! I also want to offer you some extra kudos for using the word *gunshot* instead of something like *bang*. With this simple wording, like the rest of the story, you do not disregard the reader's intelligence. Again, Bravo! Impressive writing from an impressive mind.

[Laura E. Aranda]

Hmmmmmmmm
This one kept my attention from beginning to end. I can't say I approve of the road to 'home' but I do like the way you wrote such a stunning piece.

[Stephanie D. Bishop]

Very good. I didn't read the quotes (a series of conversations between two men in a dying world) until after reading, and that was conveyed clearly and emotionally in the writing itself. Glad that I did not read the quotes until after.

[DRIVEN]

the dialogue flow is good...
and the feeling that stays with you of a possible future for our world..well done!!

[Gandré]

I liked the conversation, and it was interesting to reaed, i thought i missed a beginning to this but you will know why you started middle with a dialogue. well done. looks good. sorry for reading this later than you expected. L.G.

[Picture of Poetry]

Thi is REALLY good. I wish I could think of some other words to leave on reviews other than "good" and "great". Oh well. This is a wonderful write and I love it! Enter it in some contests.

[An owl on the moon]

Brilliant conversation, poetic in some ways and very powerful in its completion! This was so very well done!!!

Craig

[Hedra Helix]

reminds me of The Road brotha, read it? cormac is the man.

[Pj]

A wonderful, powerful write!
I loved the lines:
"your son is far out.
-he knows how far he can go.
and the string around his waist?
-you can never be too careful.
not with the ones you love." .....But to be honest...the whole piece cried out to me! It was so moving!

I really enjoyed the originality and the message and repetition of a sort of utopia when exiting dystopia.
This one is going into my fav's :D

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

This would make a cool screen play. In my mind, this piece seems very surreal... there's just these little things that obviously have some significance to the story, such as peaches, birds, and such, and I wonder how important those subjects are.

Judging by the final two stanzas/paragraphs, I'm guessing that suicide was involved here. And maybe the character that survived knew better than to kill himself... this is my interpretation, so if I'm wrong, please correct me. I like the stanza with the bird... it made me feel safe. lol ;)

Interesting job, buddy.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood