Paint Me the Sky

Paint me a canvas in the sky.
Let the ocean be the brush,
and the canyon,
the empty pail.

 

Let the pitter-patter gum drops
rain from Eden's gates.
To fill the ocean
with shards of fiery jade.

 

Cut down forests
of hard candy,
laid bare in their sugary dust,
swung with the baker's axe.

 

Let the water run gray
in the lumberjack's dough.
And take the ocean,
to paint me the sky.

Reviews

[Stephen Schmidt]

I loved how the beginning and end come together so similarly, it made for a great ending...The use of such ideas was very strange but it came together wonderfully. I didn't for me the first time though, but upon my third time reading it I found in it something great. I might have to read it a couple more times to find out what that something great was, but I will. In the mean time awesome write...

[Rie Sheridan Rose]

What a beautiful image you paint here, Michael. Your metaphors are unusual and unique, and I like the way that you tie the two together in the final stanza. I didn't expect this type of glorious visual from you. Thanks for surprising me!

[Säde Ryder]

I like the symmetry of the first and last lines. It brings the poem full circle and ends well. It is quite beautiful. However, I would have liked to see a single extended metaphor, not two. I do not think the imagery of baking (gum drops, candy, dough) and painting go well together.
Overall, well written.
Congratulations on being featured.

[Davia Lynn Bradley]

so very beautiful, I adore it!

[Gandré]

congrat on getting it featured, i reviewed below. hug. lara

[Silvia - Scribo, Ergo S..]

I�m so glad this poem was featured today... otherwise I probably wouldn�t have found it. Simply wonderful!!!!!!

[James K. Blaylock]

wow,i really got into your poem. this is really rather good. i just adore the start of your write.

Paint me a canvas in the sky.
Let the ocean be the brush,
and the canyon,
the empty pail.

Let the pitter-patter gum drops
rain on my parade.
To fill the ocean
with shards of fiery jade.

keep up the great writes.

[The Lovely Sound Of Cra..]

As usual Michael, beautiful work. The way you put words together is just amazing. I really enjoyed reading this... it gives a peaceful feel and makes one really appreciate the beauty of nature and scenery.

[* Mourning Starr *]

Wow Michael a very beautiful piece indeed, I loved the read excellent work....

[Debra Stevens Edwards (..]

This is a work of art the way you used your words to paint such images in our minds. Great Job good flow. overall a wonderful read.
Debby

[~Sorcha~]

I thought this was wonderful. Very vivid, and very vibrant. You paint the picture with your words, and it is really clear and easy to see. The whole poem flows very well, and gives such a good perspective. It makes me think of some of the sunsets I have seen, (and on occasion, was able to get pictures of too, example being my profile pic :P); I think you had wonderful word choice, and saying "let the ocean be the brush" is very imaginative and creative, and very fitting for this piece of writing. I thought this was just truly beautiful.