Paint Me the Sky

Paint me a canvas in the sky.
Let the ocean be the brush,
and the canyon,
the empty pail.

 

Let the pitter-patter gum drops
rain from Eden's gates.
To fill the ocean
with shards of fiery jade.

 

Cut down forests
of hard candy,
laid bare in their sugary dust,
swung with the baker's axe.

 

Let the water run gray
in the lumberjack's dough.
And take the ocean,
to paint me the sky.

Reviews

[Stephen Schmidt]

I loved how the beginning and end come together so similarly, it made for a great ending...The use of such ideas was very strange but it came together wonderfully. I didn't for me the first time though, but upon my third time reading it I found in it something great. I might have to read it a couple more times to find out what that something great was, but I will. In the mean time awesome write...

[Cavol Forbes]

Wow, this was awesome. One of the best I've read today. I like how it comes full circle. I didn't quite see the "gum drops" since the candy metaphor wasn't introduced till the next stanza and the "paint me a canvas line" stuck me as odd since the canvas is blank and what usually gets painted (lol) but this is really cool man.

[Nathan Strange]

this was nice sensitive and drew not just a picture but an atmosphere, veru well done!

i liked this gum drops, that was nice.

[Jessica L Auster]

You're an artist of words, and you've painted me a beautiful picture. Very well done.

[Lionel Braud]

good illustration of painting with brushstrokes. to me the lumberjack stanza is not open to elasticity as the other stanzas are. the other stanzas seem more viable and open to transformation which i think is the point. the lumberjack can also a be symbol of a defilement of nature whose hardcore exterior weighs down all other images before him. good job.

[Eric Schnell]

This poem is very vibrant and colorful. I was curious about the 3rd stanza tho, because I saw this as being a description of deforestization. Which in turn, is the opposite of the first two stanzas which are very postive like descriptions. A great read I must say!

[Stacy A. Foster]

That opening line really got my attention.
Paint me a canvas in the sky.

Nature can be very beautiful and strong. I like what you imply here. Good visuals, and overall the write is very artistic!

Let the water run gray
in the lumberjack�s dough.
And take the ocean,
to paint me the sky.

Congrats on the feature of the day!! :)

[Wulfstan Crumble]

Hey Michael, i didnt know you wrote poetry and here you are getting featured for it. Most of it is a painting painted prettily. Shows you have much potential for this poetry malarky. One thing i found odd though was this:

Let the pitter-patter gum drops
rain on my parade.
- I think rain is beautiful and you seem to think so but rain on my parade means to ruin your good time... is this what you meant?

Well, congrats on being featured.

[Jenny Davis]

This is a well deserving poem of the feature of the day! What an amazing picture you have painted with your metaphors. It is a magnificent display of art and poetic skill...I enjoyed this a great deal :)

[Brett Campaigne]

at a first glance i thought this poem was going to be mediocre, because there have been many painting skies poems... but in it i discovered a strong insight onto how an artist comprehends that relationship of texture in painting each of these aspects of the world in unison.

[Noël Dior]

I liked this a lot, the imagery is very well done! I could just see the bright colors. I don't know, it seemed to be filled with colors. the first stanza is my favorite. congratulations on being featured!