Paint Me the Sky

Paint me a canvas in the sky.
Let the ocean be the brush,
and the canyon,
the empty pail.

 

Let the pitter-patter gum drops
rain from Eden's gates.
To fill the ocean
with shards of fiery jade.

 

Cut down forests
of hard candy,
laid bare in their sugary dust,
swung with the baker's axe.

 

Let the water run gray
in the lumberjack's dough.
And take the ocean,
to paint me the sky.

Reviews

[Stephen Schmidt]

I loved how the beginning and end come together so similarly, it made for a great ending...The use of such ideas was very strange but it came together wonderfully. I didn't for me the first time though, but upon my third time reading it I found in it something great. I might have to read it a couple more times to find out what that something great was, but I will. In the mean time awesome write...

[Tabitha]

You have a great use of metephorical language.
My only issue... the rythm is still going at the end of the poem. i was reading it, and when it ended, i expected more... just the way the rythm was. It might just be the way that i was reading it... but if not... try writing the ending just a LITTLE differently. I know everybody else really enjoyed it... I did too... it just could use some alterations.
Other than that GREAT poetry!

[Adela Muresan]

:)) , a beautiful imagery and terrible truth.
Great write.

A.M.

[J.Black]

Fantastic, brilliant, creative - I could go on and on.

[poet2angels (lynda)]

The imagery and metaphor here is amazing!
SIgh~
This is beautiful,
breathtaking...

Perfect ending

Lynda

[Angel's Lady]

Beautiful imagery...Great job!

Cut down forests
of hard candy,
laid bare in their sugary dust,
swung with the baker's axe.

Let the water run gray
in the lumberjack's dough.

After just reading Loggerville, I'm thinking...you must have been going through a Paul Bunyan phase, huh? I went through that, although I never thought I looked good in flannel or boots, so I gave it up. (Just kidding! I look great in boots!)

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

That was just beautiful. Your descriptions were absolutely amazing.


Let the pitter-patter gum drops
rain from Eden's gates.



and



Cut down forests
of hard candy,
laid bare in their sugary dust,
swung with the baker's axe.




and this last line sold your poem for me.


And take the ocean,
to paint me the sky.


I have to let you know that I voted for his poem. Good luck. I hope you win

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Great imagery! It seemed really surreal to me to have these images in my head. I see nothing but paint now. :P lol What can I say? It's written like a true artist. ;)

I personally felt like this poem was alive. As I reread it, I saw the images of paint in my mind moving and squirming into place, and I found that to be quite intriguing, yet a weird experience I'll admit. lol ^^ Amazing work, buddy!

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

[Lydia R. Ferraro]

This was simple yet incredibly vivid.

Well done. : )

[Rachael]

i like how you relate the painting and forest with candy. something wide and vast interwined (excuse the spelling) with the simple thing, candy. Nice job.

[Madelaine]

This was nicely written. I love your words of description, interesting choices that inspire imagination. So pretty too! Great poem. Oh, and nice prospective.