Happy Frickin’ Valentine’s Day!

By Mike Emil

 

Ahh women!

Every year it’s the same thing

Buy ‘em candy and a card, a cardigan

The hearts are lit up everywhere

And for what? Huh?

 

Lemme tell you something:

Hearts ain’t shaped like that anyways

Looks like a lump of muscle

Cuz it IS a muscle

Not some angled out thingy

That for some reason dumbass people

Think is so very cute or beautiful

What’s wrong with people?

And You put arrows through the damn thing too!

What the Hell is wrong with You all?

Or ‘Oh, You broke my heart!’

Or ‘I got a heartache’

Take an aspirin cuz it’s probably a heart attack

From too much fat and red meat

In everyone’s diet, d****t!

 

Cupid was an evil little b*****d

From Greek mythology

Or a cherub from Christian lore

And they are never really nice

I don’t even think he, Cupid had an ounce of an idea

What love is all about

Just like all them women today

Who need to be told time and time again

That they are loved

It’s like watching reruns on tv or something

Senseless waste of time

And Valentine’s Day?

Do any of You out there have a clue about that?

The Feast of Saint Valentine is a mock up

It’s about a guy, you know?

An early Christian who was executed for being nice to people

Well, I dunno about that

He was executed for marrying Christians

Cuz the Romans had Christianity outlawed still

And no one really knows if Valentinus

The man whose namesake it is

Is real

For real

Or true

How about that?

 

Chaucer loved this holiday

So did all the foolish romantics of yore

Pointless and pointed heads

The whole lot of them

Yeah, let’s celebrate the day of an execution

So happily and in vain

Let us remember a pointless death

Without even remembering the death at all

Except marred and buried under

Capitalism

Consumerism

Commerce

Chocolate

And vino

And no doubt Wicca too

Blasphemy to be sure!

 

Have a good bite of these hearts

You all might so well worship vampires

And their love/lust for human blood

Oh, wait You do that too

Bloody Pagan rituals

To make money on

Today’s foolishness

Bah humbug, I say to heartless heart holidays!

 

Roses?

I fogot roses?

Mortica Gomez had it right on

Clip their heads off

Every last frickin' one of them!