A Pizza the Size of the Sun

By Mike Emil

 

I imagined a pizza the size of New York, a hotel

Now I wanted one bigger, pig-er, better

I imagined cheese in dumpster-sized containers

I see steamrollers pounding it down on crust the size of Mondas

It ain’t big enuff!

Gotta be big, a bigger pie!

I’m hungry NOW!

I AM PIZZA THE HUTT!

 

How big can I make a pizza?

How big a pizza can I order?

No! I don’t wanna order a 2^nd one!

I want ONE real big, frickin’ pizza!

The size of Nebraska and full of cactuses

No! Full of shrimp…and cheddar

I want all the toppings too

Kinda like a taco pizza, but bigger!

 

I have a vision, a grand vision

I see beyond yer packaged box pizzas

You fools for your categorizing the pizza pie

Locking down size into yer infernal computations

I spit on you and certainly won’t tip for a box sized pie!

I have a bigger vision than a Martin Luther King Jr. kind

And I don’t want scraps!

I want it all!

Damn the torpedoes!

Make it happen now!

 

My vision is of immensity, forward and large

It expounds the reaches of Your ovens, so

So much that You can’t imagine the gauges of measure

To calculate such American Italian cuisine

The stellar size envisioned here

Bigger then mountains

Stronger then roads

Tastier the nachos…

Nachos!

The recipe calls for nachos now too!

And hot sauce, and cocktail sauce for the shrimp

And yards, no miles of pepperoni and sausage and ham

Provolone

Mozzarella…definitely more then a 3 cheese pizza

C’mon think think think think…Colby, yes! Chedder and Swiss

Making, imagine this pizza!

What else did I miss???

Provolone…No! I said that already!

D****t!

I want a larger than large pizza NOW!

 

Pizza the size of the moon, Mondas!

No! Larger still!

What’s next to the moon?

The Sun! Of course, the Sun!

 

That’s the size I want!

That’ll do

And…and an oven to boot! Das Boot!

It’ll be hot and oven baked on there

The size of the sun, the best size pizza, I swear!

The Eye of Orion, from there they’ll see this stellar pie

Bright as the sun-sized oven in any nearby sky

 

Fantastic!

Absurd!

Perfect!

I AM Hungry NOW!

I want a pizza the size of the Sun!

Make it now!

Listen to me!

D****t!

Where’s the phone?

Who’s idea was this?

Why ain’t the bulldozers running

Hurry up!

I want a pizza the size of the Sun!

Stugatzi!