Reason why

Sometimes I never left the past
And in order to be strong
I had to think about the future
But my silence was better
Than the bullshit I had to deal with
Off in another world
My own personal reality
Everyone else called it
The catalyst of my anxiety.

I am am open book
To any stranger that approaches
I have been told
But I feel like they all don't know so much
I have so much more to hide
Inside there's a hole
Too deep to fill inside.

No one knows what I feel
These voiced in my head
They are not mine
They prod and peck every inch of my mind
They are of those around me
The thoughts no one else hears
I'm scared.

I sit in corners knowing what they're going to say
It's discomforting to know that the pretty girl
Is suffering from depression inside
She never told me, I just know
It's a skill I have, one I can't control
I feel what you feel
But nobody knows
It's sometimes hard to tell the difference
From my emotions to your.

The words I'm fine is it's own hidden message
The hurt and pain one feels come from those words
That some people can stay in your heart
But not in your life
Nothing is wrong
But nothing is right
You just want someone
To hold you there and tight
To tell you it's okay
Not for kisses or pleasure
Just a shear friend
That actually cares
Because for once in my life
I'd rather not be seen as a toy
I'd rather not be scared.

You know you have to be strong
Because no one can fix you
Your tired of fixing yourself and others
Tired of being strong
And for once I want to lay down
Close my eyes and be numb.

For once I want it easy
To be simple
To be helped
To be saved
I also know it'd never happen.

Yet I, we, and you still hope
Still wishing
Still staying strong and fighting
With tears in our eyes
We are still smiling.

There was a difference though
Between giving up
And knowing when you had enough
But sometimes by the time you realized it
The type rope your standing on
Had already broke.

The scariest part lying awake at night
Is when the feeling sinks In
That you can't be helped or saved
And there's nothing you can do
So you try to give up
But can't because you've lost yourself
So you cry knowing you don't care anymore
Because everyone else stopped
And you can't loft your own weight
Because you spent years trying to carry the world.

And although we seek alternative paths
The choices we face will always come with thorns
And they scratch and scrape
Tearing our layers of skin
Blood pouring from our cuts
They are no more
Just scars for the world to see
And they shake their heads
Send the blame our way
Never to fully understand
That the reason we can't stand up anymore
The cuts and bruises too
Was that society was selfish and nive
To realize that I, we, and you were suffering too.