Chapter One: don't say goodbye.

Dusted pavements and noise echoing in loud clashes, making it hard to believe that I’m to meet him here, it is too common for such a meeting. But I kept my head down as people pass me by. It was easy to just sit and try to keep from making eye contact; I just wanted to meet him.

Where are you Zac? I thought over and over again in my head, eyes shut tight as I try to with hold back my tears. It was no use though, they just continued to fall and people continued to glare at me from time to time.

He was suppose to be here ten minutes ago, I don’t blame him for being late; why would I though? It’s obvious that I’ll let him off the hook. Shivering as another breeze of chilly air crept into my coat, the season was changing again and as it came closer to the end of the year, some memories that I can’t shake came back to haunt me.

Love. Not the most successful thing I’ve done.  Those dark times fill my head and made me swell for an escape. Words that I wished I never said drift in and images that I wish I never took part in, tortured my venerable self:

‘I love you’ A familiar voice polluted my mind. ‘I love you too.’ I’d reply. As lust builds and hearts demand to be satisfied. Soon the figures are closer than ever and fighting with each other on who’ll lead the uncontrollable dance of tongues, with lips motion in with each other and heavy breathing fills the confide space of these two bodies entwined as one. It wasn’t quite skin on skin, but it could have been easily mistaken for. But when silence stills the air and all but stillness caresses the now lying bodies cuddling one and another on the carpeted floor, it’s completely enticing. That’s what made me come back for more; those moments when there can be complete silence, but yet so much is said. The rushing pulse of hearts being satisfied and cooling bodies that fed each other the now fading heat; those moments were what I fell in love with.

“Tami?” A voice has awoken me from my state of memorising.

Blinking my eyes open in a flutter and finding a new face, one that I’ve been waiting for that I could hardly contain myself as I leapt up to greet with a hug. Heat flooded my face as I tried to hide my tear stained cheeks. Sniffing quickly and replying “Zac.” To find out that my voice failed to help keep up the charade.

“What’s wrong Tami?” Zac asked obviously worry curiosity sneaking into his question as he pulled away to wipe a new tear from my cheek.

Catching my breath and trying ever so hard to keep a stern grip on my heart. It’s useless though. Whenever I don’t want it to flutter, it does and when I want it to, it doesn’t.  I guess I haven’t tamed it properly, if it’s possible to tame a thing such as love.

Busses impose in on the conversation as they park up to allow passengers to rush off to homes or to take another long journey on a train before reaching their destination. Crowds populated the pavement, shouting amongst other youths and sweet soft spoken words exchanged with sweethearts and close friends for adults. Rush hour has already made its mark and clearly weren’t going to stop anytime soon.

Nervously I started to walk off in the direction Zac lives, only a slow walk which Zac caught up easily with, still gazing curiously at me. But he didn’t push; he never pushes me to tell him what was up. Never had to really, I always normally told him everything in the end. But this time. I don’t think it’s possible, it’ll ruin everything and I can’t chance that.

Realising that I was staring off at nothing I fixed my vision on Zac, forcing a little smile and shook my head slightly. “It’s nothing Zac.” It was a lie. The first time I’ve lied to Zac, but it was small and even though I lied to him in my words, he knew that it’s defiantly not nothing.

“Okay then, let’s just go and play compu-“ Zac started, until I cut in.

“No, not today Zac,” I almost cried once again at what I had to say next. “I just came to say goodbye.” My voice broke at the last word.

Cursing myself. I thought I could do this.

“What you mean Tami?” Zac asked, he stopped now and with a hand on my shoulder forcing me to do the same.

He stood close. I use to pretend that I knew what it meant, but now it seems as if everything didn’t make sense anymore. For a moment we just stared at each other, direct eye contact. But it was too much for me to handle, so I ended up shying away. It was as if at that very moment he saw through my soul, he could of just ripped me apart at that very moment and I would of done nothing; more like I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.
                Sniffing back another lot of tears I began shaky, “I-I’m going away Zac.”

Heat exhausting me dry and making me feel wary. Dizziness stole over me and shook my body. Somehow I felt paranoid, as if he knew what I tried to stop him from knowing.

“Tami,” I almost flinched at the sound of my name being spoken by his voice, the way his voice caressed the pronunciation of it and hummed the ‘m’. I felt as if I dreaming or maybe I was just lost within the beating of my heart hammering within my ears and adrenalin rushing within my head, causing the effect of everything to slow. “Are you okay?”

It’s hard to resist staring at his eyes, the way they swell with blues and greens. Seeing the seriousness of how much he cared sent a stab of guilt crushing my heart. I must look as if I’m scared or something, because he softened his intensity ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry Tami.” He apologised as he turned away and released his grip on my shoulder, allowing it to fall to his side. “I guess I’m just not thinking straight, I just supposed that you were going to run away or something.” He tried to shake it off, half smiling to try and settle it as a joke; even if he thought it weren’t one.

“I, I am Zac.” My heart sank. I could have died that very second, just from the pain that I was causing him.

“What? Why Tami?! What for?!” He struggled not to throw me up against the wall to restrain me from running away or shying away.

But I flinch freely and that’s what made him pause for the action. “I’ll course you pain if I stayed Zac. It won’t end well. So I’m leaving.” I spoke, for once without stuttering within pain or guilt.

He stared at me again, seeing through my lies and soul. “What aren’t you telling me Tami? I know you’re not telling me something.”

“I’m just moving away Zac, I just came to say goodbye.” Turning away from him, we just stood there. Him staring at my back, both of us in complete silence.

Around our little drama, the world continued as normal; rushing people, people eating, lovers kissing and friends laughing, it’s all fake though. I’d love to believe in all this, but it’s not true. I care too much for Zac to expose everything to him. To take away the illusion of life away from him, it’ll most probably tare the balance of the two worlds.

“I thought you could tell me anything Tams. “ Zac shattered the silence, forcing me to think of another excuse. But I was out of excuses and time for that matter.

Glancing off into the near distance I caught a glimpse of a long red trench coat, lined with brass buttons. Damn, I was followed. Eyes wide I pleaded in my head. Please, let me have more time, let me get rid of him. My heart began to tremble. No.

Being once again thrown around to be looking up at Zac’s face, I’m going to miss this face, the face that smiled continuously and when I’m sad frowns along with me. He wasn’t the cutest guy in the world, with his short light brown hair, spiky and his complex eyes with blues and greens mixing so alluring. Features fixed to proportion of his face, cheeks slightly chubby and swerve enticing lips.

Refuse. I commanded myself again.

“Are you listening to me Tami?” Those lips spoke. But I was too busy absorbing as much of him as I can, to remember every little detail.

Tall, not heavily built, but fit enough and strong arms; I always have loved his hugs, with his strong arms enveloping around me. I’m going to miss them now. I’m going to miss him now.

“I got to go now Zac, I got to go” I said in a rush as I started away, pushing through the tightly packed crowd. He chased after me, shouting my name, but because of his larger physique he was slower and couldn’t get through small gaps. But he was bigger and stronger, pushing people aside.

Keep going. I repeated to myself over and over again. Don’t look back.

My pulse excelled to near limits. Seeing the red coat glide past first from the right and then somewhere off to the left, he was mocking me and mocking me was his talent. His threatened my relationship with Zac before, but not as much too actually appear at the moment of our goodbyes.

Fighting through the crowd and being pushed back, then a hand gripped my arm. Turning to see Zac there I panicked, tears overflowed. No.

There within sudden shock, fire ablaze amongst the crowd, shattering my hearing in the explosions and fading out the screams that screeched from scared women and men alike. It started all too fast and ended too soon for me to realise the damage done.

It wasn’t quite silence, car alarms sounded, people moaning in pain and the ever so quiet beating of my heart echoed within my head. Beneath me the cold pavement chilled my bottom and within my arms I cradled something heavy. Tears couldn’t be made to come no more and there as I sat on the floor with Zac’s body, stiff in my arms, not a sound from him and not a slight pulse echoing in his body, I resist moving under his dead weight.

Everything was still, no sound anymore, just the faint taps of one set of shoes gliding to a stop right behind me. Without looking up I knew that any wounded bodies around would be frozen as if just a painting, no flames dare dance anymore and any light breeze was paused within its steps.

“I told you not to be too long.” A deep melody voice emerges around me and with the building anger that I couldn’t hold back, I shot to my feet; allowing finally Zac to topple onto the cold harsh floor.

“You monster!” I shouted into the stillness of his enchantment. “Why would you do such a thing Genesis?!” I pounded my fists against his torso as he made no effort to move to object.

Between tears overflowing my view, I saw blood start to soak his dark tank top and deepening the redness on his beautiful red trench coat. Eventually, I stopped. Fists and forehead resting on Genesis’s chest, I allowed the tears to fall down my face.

“Open your eyes.” His whisper danced its way into my head, sending realisation that they were closed and as I opened them, it felt as if I had been awoken from a deep dream.

Before me, laid out the crowd of people, rushing back and forth for transport �" no blaze of fire or screams for help. A hand grips my arm and spins me around, before I knew it my heart skipped a beat and all I could think of was Zac, you’re alive!

However, I knew he will be after opening my eyes. It was just Genesis showing me an illusion before. But the thing illusions done are to make it completely real, as if it could happen and that’s how it fools the brain. It’s easier to fool the brain when you have an attachment to something, but it helps a lot more when there aren’t people you know in it. If you did have someone you knew in the illusion, your brain will be able to weigh out the possibility of the person doing something they wouldn’t normally do or just be able to see through the lie itself without much difficulty.

Genesis has almost perfected the arts of illusion and at times I find myself wondering if whatever I’m doing at any point in the day is an illusion.

“Don’t go Tami.”

Heart-broken again I stare up at Zac, “Go back to your girlfriend Zac; I’m just your friend.” At that moment, that was the last of Zac I thought I’ll ever see. As I fight my way through the encased bodies, forcing my way through. He didn’t even put up a struggle to hold me there; he just let me slip right through his hands.