Around around the merry-go-round

depression

Around and around we go,
up and down,
the horses on this ride are colored black,
silver
and are very sharp so do not touch,
unless you dare.

I ignored the sign,
once,
twice,
three times!

The first time was a mistake,
oh how i regretted it,
the blanket i hold dear now is the only reminder,
the only thing that keeps me comfort from the deamons,
if i ever had a choice i would have done the right thing,
i would have worked harder,
done everything right,
and turned to someone that I know i should have.

God,
he is a funny thing,
i never knew what to call him creature wise,
he is so beautiful in every way,
he loves me even though i do not deserve it at all.
I love him even though i have never met him in person,
God,
He kept me safe through it all and i owe him my life.

The second time was more than i expected,
it made me want to move closer to my heavenly father,
to be with him,
to meet him and never have to leave his side,
but that didn't happen,
i came to my senses and only cut so deep,
only left a little scar,
a single cross...

God,
he loves me and i know that now,
he is amazing in every way,
he keeps me safe from the things that torment me,
he is the one who listens to me when i need to talk,
he has a place where i can go if i need to get away.
I love him,
he love me.

The third time was not too long ago and i was so close,
he was there,
but it was not my time,
scars are what is only left.

My life is full of scars and cuts,
blood and tears,
mom...
brothers...
dad....
step-dad oh how i hate him.
she wants me to love him like she loves him,
she wants me to be nicer to him,
why does she not get the fact that i don't want him in my life?

We are always spinning on the merry-go-round,
but mine goes just a little faster than most.

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