Invader

Couplets.

It’s half past four o’clock
And I will sleep no more.

I descend the white gable stair
And out to this able garden fair.

A milky ocean sky
Greeted my tired eyes.

I lie among the grass and fade
Under a quilt of callous words said.

Until something swoops over me
And a little did it me trouble.

An invader blackbird in the early hours
Of this morning so dull and dour.

Not for the first time, I find myself
A trespasser in a garden where Celts often dwelt.

It puts a little trouble in my mind
And a memory I can find.

Vague figures, blended into the ditch
Offended by our very existence.

It came to rest on a northern wall
Chirping natures call to the cold night morn.

Author's Note

A recent experience and an old memory into one and each relates to eachother.

See the War Horse by Eavan Boland for a similar poem, which in part influenced me for this poem.

Reviews

[wolfshrew]

i thought this was wonderful, a few things are discussed in reviews about the ryhming but I don't think it matters if some of the rhyming is "off" or whatever.
it doesn't affect the quality of the poem or interupt any of the great images you have written.

[EMW]

Sometimes memories make the best poem, short story, or book. This was very well written. You are a very good poet. I wish I could write poems as well as you.

[Romeion Case]

I always like to read couplets because it takes great skill and finesse to say more than two lines worth within those two lines. you did that. you're a great writer. keep it up. :-)

[James Watts]

I have to agree. The imagery was wonderful and the sense of the poem was engaging. Nice flow as well.

[Kasey Jones]

Wow. Amazing imagery. I like the couplets, and the overall idea behind this.

[Abdul Aziz]

I like the idea behind this poem.

Using couplets wasn't a bad idea either. But I must say that the execution could have been better. Using meter wouldn't have been a bad idea. I don't mind the fact that a few lines don't rhyme. But among the ones that do, a few feel forced. Like for instance "Of this morning so dull and dour". It could have very well been "Of this dull and dour morning", but the inversion to make it rhyme seems a bit forced.
Good imagery though. Nicely penned.

I think rhyming is the most effective tool in poetry if done properly. It is just a bit off with this one. I'm sure you can do better! Good job.

[RTB]

i agree with dinesh exept i think it was fine without the ryming for the most part exept i usually like ryming throughout other than that it was an exelent poem and your a great writer keep going :P

[The Water Queen]

I love this poem. It gives the reader a thought and imagery that goes beyond boundries. You flow well and ryhme well as well. This is a great poem.

[emily joe]

this is SO good. i got goose bumps !

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem story was a amazing. I like the blackbirds. No fear and a large bird. I like the feel of a trespasser and the ending. A outstanding poem.
Coyote