21st Century Drug

So I was sitting in this coffee shop when a girl entered, ordered an Americano and left. A man in a suit entered, ordered at hot chocolate, added two packs of sugar and left. I ordered a blueberry cheesecake that was 5 minutes late; I sipped my coffee and looked through the window. I noticed people pass by staring at their cellphone. I wondered, why people are so inclined in technology nowadays are, I don’t see a couple walking on the sidewalk exchanging words; a parent playing with their children. Somehow people should know their limits. The blueberry cheesecake that I ordered came and took a small slice, stared on the line and I noticed something peculiar, their heads became phones. I scratched my eye for a second and their heads became normal. After, I finished my coffee and cake, walked out the coffee shop and head to work. As I was walking, I saw a group of children rushing to a computer shop, I told myself “Kids nowadays are really in to technology, why can’t they play outside or hangout at convenience store like the old days?. Once I arrived at the office, I sat down and turned on my computer. I started my paperwork, typed documents, and sent e-mails. I noticed ads on my browser about laptops, cellphones, desktop computers, and other stuff but mostly it’s about cellphones. There is this one ad about a company promoting their new state of the art cellphone. “Another phone?!, c’mon is there anything new?? Why do cellphones exist?” I told myself. After my shift ended, I departed from my office and headed home. As I was walking, I saw it again, cellphone-headed people! It went on for ten minutes. Their arms and legs became robotic; their voice became incomprehensible. Then it stopped.
I briskly walked towards a convenience store, I heard someone shouting behind my ear, “Bruce! Hey Bruce! Wait up. Wait for me!”, I turned around and saw my friend Tony. “Hey, how are you?” I asked. “Well, I’m fine. It’s great seeing you walking by.” He replied. “You too, hey I’m a bit in a hurry, how about some other time?” I said. “Surely.” He replied. He left and I enter the convenience store, I bought some sandwich and a bottle of water. I left the store and head home.
As I arrived home, I settled down for a few minutes, sat down the couch, and turned on the TV for news.
“Are cellphones still safe?” a headline in the news. I thought to myself, “maybe it’s corrupting the minds of the people; maybe it’s a drug now?. It’s unsettling to see people staring at their phones everyday.” The news reporter suddenly became inaudible. The news reporter spoke like a robot, I turned the TV off, scratched my eyes again. I ate my sandwich, got off the couch and went upstairs and went up the room.
I opened my body bag, took out some files for reporting tomorrow and reviewed them. I noticed a note on one of the documents stating something indecipherable. I don’t know what it means so I didn’t mind. I continued to review the other documents; every document contains the indecipherable note. I took a nap for a moment. I forgot my phone downstairs which I barely use and continued my nap.
I woke up after 30 minutes, and it was 12:34am, I went downstairs and headed to the kitchen, cooked some meat loaf and got some wheat bread. I added the meat loaf into the bread and took a bite, I took a bottled water from the counter and took a sip. After eating I cleaned up, and headed to the couch again, took my phone. Once I opened my phone...

Reviews

[barleygirl]

It sounds like this story is meant to continue. But this would be a fairly complete-sounding story if you stopped it before the last paragraph or the second-to-last paragraph. Right now, the ending seems to be from a different story. But other than that, the part that makes sense is very good. Many people write about this problem -- people being connected to their cell phones. But here you find a new & imaginative way to say this without going down the same old path of griping. I can see how your story could be expanded to be a spoof on electronic addictions, showing life with "glitches" like the cellphone-head visions or the indecipherable writing. Since you're 18, I'm going to guess that it's hard for you to continue your storytelling after a certain point where you sorta lose interest. I just want to say, that's still a good thing. Every story does not need to be polished or finished. On a website like this, we are here to get better. Your writing is strong & I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work. Don't try to go back & finish a piece that just didn't pan out for you, while writing it. That happens all the time, but it's still a good example of your writing (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie