Monolouge of a Bored Man

This entry begins on a warm morning filled with over priced pasta, gooey meatball subs and the news of a family friend having his fat head stomped on. I take in a deep breath and think "Man.. what the f**k am I doing with my life." I take a sip of hot tea that my endearing friend prepared for me as I watch a mid-aged Japanese woman show obvious signs of "age" denial.. which made me wonder... what exactly IS a mid-life crisis. My mind quickly wanders off this subject because... I don't know.. short attention span? Who cares, Everyone in the house is bumbling about the fresh news that our friend "Kenny" had been assaulted at work by some bald, roid buff (possible homo-sexual). I try and hold back a cynical laugh mixed with feelings of obvious concern.. My mind takes flight thinking of how the scenario must have went down.
Baldy shows up in a fit of rage talking s**t, whilst a nervous Kenny either tried to play the situation off with a badly timed joke or maybe he took the defensive role and only further added to the man's rage, Then as Kenny wanders off all absent minded the assailant creeps up behind his unsuspecting fat head and BANG! Our poor Kenny is on the floor having his neck stomped in by some big creep. I imagined what that must have been like for not only him but everyone else around.. The tense air, confusion, adrenaline sending the nervous shakes down your hands and body known only as the infamous "Combat High"... makes me kind of wish I was there.. Not to say I wish any harm to our friend or anybody else there for that matter.. but just because I like that sort of feeling, the situation, the tense feeling in the air.
Flash forward 30 minutes and I'm sitting in the front of a Target store waiting for my friend to finish her shift. The urgency to take a massive s**t falling yet before me but.. I hold it in. Hold it in because I have a self conscious tick that just bothers me when I use a public restroom. I.. just can't. The thought is simply repulsive, sitting down on a filthy toilet countless people have used as my genitalia barely hangs an inch from the contaminated water... the mere thought gives me shivers.
I observe the kinds of people coming by, everyone from the employees to the customers buying their little necessities and wants. An annoyed woman with a young boy (no older than 6) rolls up to the Isle, She is buying nothing more than a multitude of bathroom rugs when suddenly her boy starts to act like a chimp. Hanging from the front of the cart murmuring unrecognizable words all for the one exception of "CANDY!".
A slight migraine forms towards the back of my head as the child starts to pester and whine.. I wonder to myself.
"What happened to the good old days?" Now before I go any further I am NOT condoning the abuse of children as I have been there myself and it isn't any fun when a drunk old b*****d doesn't wanna put up with your s**t and sees the quickest solution as a swift punch to the face. BUT I am speaking about when a parent absolutely lets their child walk all over them, screaming, demanding, and of all places a PUBLIC place. Have you no skills at all as a parent that you let a f*****g child control your life?? You people are a f*****g joke. That is reason why my generation of kids were complete s**t asses and have turned into the next generation of s****y parents. Why is it that we are all doomed to repeat our parents mistakes? My friend's co-worker Diana jots by and says "Hey you should work here!" or something along the lines of that, I proceed to try and explain that I live absolutely nowhere close to here and she replies with a joke about how it doesn't matter since I'm always constantly around.
This of course couldn't be any further from the truth as I haven't seen my friend for what feels like an eternity, she walks away before I could explain. I begin to think about my friend.. about how close we used to be or about how our relationship was like in the past. We would be with each other from dawn till dusk just f*****g around and being a bunch of stupid hormonally unbalanced teenagers, I just can't seem to get over how as time keeps passing by I seem to see less and less of her. It saddens me deeply.. but I must remain to keep my composure as I am in a public setting and a woman of elderly age has taken it upon herself to sit down next to the busy writer who probably smells of lost sleep and constipation.. Not gonna lie something about Granny perfume smells inviting.. kinda like warm apple pie left out to cool on the window-sill in one if those old American Classic films. She sits for whats seems like 30 seconds before she stands up and  abruptly leaves most likely due to the smell of my unwashed hair and body... I mean I wouldn't sit next to me if I were her. But whatever maybe her old sensory nerves are so eroded from old age and cigarettes that the only scent she can smell is the ounce of Granny perfume she engulfed herself in before leaving the house that morning, and the reason she left is because she had a sudden case of the runs.
 Diana tends an empty register for a woman who came to to buy nothing more than simply... a broom. The lady tries to lift broom so it can be scanned but almost instantly drops it on the floor. Once again I try to hold back a cynical laugh as I watch this woman continuously try and pick up the broom, it seems as though picking up this broom is the most daring task this woman has ever done. The broom continually falling out of her weak grasp as Diana stares at her hiding her state of disbelief or maybe shock.. I could have just simply stood up and helped the woman out... but I'm just not that kind of man. I'd rather sit back and add this hilarious moment to my s****y little monologue that spawned out of my sheer boredom.
The time sits at 3:31 PM if I am not mistaken that means my time here is almost done. Suddenly before my eyes I see an old lady try and sign up for a promotional deal, she is using one of those Automotive shopping carts, she acts sour and grumpy towards her middle-aged daughter, little did she know that Lady Karma had already set Lord Bitchtits up for her demise. The angered old lady moves her motorized shopping device forward and starts to scrape along the side of the cash register desk making a complete a*s out of herself.
I am utterly amazed by how much funny s**t happens before your eyes if you just take the time to sit somewhere and observe. Like how a young male on the AP department was taking his job waaay to seriously as a co-worker tried to tell him a joke and replies to her with such a hollowing silence which could only be translated as "F**k off b***h." This dude must think he's a cop or something along those lines where you have to be an a*s to everybody.
On the topic of a*s, my a*s is numb and all the customers are staring at me like I'm a Neon Unicorn sitting on the bench intelligently typing away as the world around him spins. I can only imagine what thoughts are running through their minds as they stare at me in my sloppy PJ's and s****y little boots with paint stains all over them. I try not to make eye contact with anyone as my friend's manager is only feet away and I don't want anyone getting the wrong impression of me and it somehow rubbing off on her. But I just simply couldn't resist looking up when I hear the pitter-patter of little feet. The little feet of a child but something was.. different. It sounded like this little child was wearing high heels, It was too late my attention had already been grabbed and I looked up in a state of disbelief the girl looked not a day older than 5 years old and there she was wearing high heels, make up and a pair of trashy leggings.. I accidentally glance at my friend's boss only to see that she as well had noticed this little girl dressed to impress... but whom is the real question. I roll my head back in disbelief as my friend sits down next to me on break.
"Man.. what the f**k am I doing with my life."
I take note of how I no longer want to live in this world and dream about possible life on another and thus abruptly end this chapter in my story.

Reviews

[Gabby Nieves]

why the f**k aren't people all over this like s***s on c**k? we need to find a way to publish this mini story because honestly I could read it a hundred times over, it's got everyhting necessary to be entertaining.