Unorthodox Goodbyes

I stared down at the figure in bed. His body lay relaxed, nearly as pail as the sheets covering him. My spine, however, was rigid as a tree. Hot tears stung my eyes and dripped into my mouth. I didn’t notice. The loose hospital gown I wore didn’t cover me enough, and I shivered. My hands were clasped tightly in front of me as I stared down at his ease.

“You know,” I said in way of greeting, “I don’t believe them.” I shrugged once and leaned in close to him. “I know it was you.”

I thrust out my recently casted arm in front of his closed eyes. His breathing stayed steady, while mine stayed a quiet pant. I gave him a thin smile and pulled my arm back. The constant beep of his heart monitor screamed in the dead silent room. I gripped the arm of my chair with my unencumbered hand, steadying my spinning head.

“It’s funny don’t you think? Now you’re the one who’s vulnerable. Now it’s you who can’t say no.” I ran my hand through his hair like he’d one so many timed to me. “Now you have to stay quiet.”

I got up and walked- rather shakily- to stand over him. I leaned down toward his face, so close I could feel his breath on my nose. I closed my eyes and held his neck, just a bit too tough for comfort. My breath hitched as my own neck ached in memory. I forced my forehead against his. I was crying hard now. My grip tightened as I looked over his serene face.

“Remember baby,” I whispered right against his icy lips, “Remember when we got married? We were so happy.” Trembling, I grabbed his hand and rubbed it against my cheek, my neck, my hair. “That night, God that night was insane. And you promised everyday of our lives would be like it was in that little cabin in Colorado. You promised.” I threw his hand down and put mine on either side of his head, narrowing my eyes to slits.

“You said you’d never drink again, Robert." I laughed. "You a*****e, you f*****g liar!” My shoulders hunched toward him.  “Did you like seeing me the morning after you went out all night with your buddies? Did you enjoy the fear in my eyes when I looked at my own husband? Was it funny to hug me harder in front of our friends when you knew it would press on the bruises you gave me?”

I sprung up and started pacing clumsily around the room. I ran my hand quickly, roughly through my hair. I felt some strands yank out. The morphine had worn off; I could feel everything.

“And you just couldn’t let me save myself could you?” I asked, finally still. I just stared at him, arms hanging limply by my side. He didn’t change. His dark hair that tickled my cheek when we first kissed still hung in sweaty curls across his forehead, his arms still lay motionless at his side, and his chest still rose and fell with the aid of the respirator. The world outside this small hospital room seemed a million miles away in that moment.

A hysteric giggle bubbled out of my throat and I threw my arms up, embracing the searing pain. “I just can’t figure out who told you I was leaving. But someone did and you couldn't just let me go.” I ran to him and slapped his unconscious body as hard as I could. It was a struggle to keep my voice down, but I did.

“I wouldn’t have told anyone what you did to me, because a part of me still wanted to believe it wasn't you. A stupid, idiotic part of me still loved you. But not anymore, not after you forced me a Michael into that car with you.”

My knees gave out then, sending me to the floor. I gripped his hand to mine, kissing it, begging him like I had been for the past 4 years. “If you wanted to kill me, why didn't you just shoot me? Why, why did you have to drag out baby into this? He was 5, Robby.” My nails dug into his hand, I felt warm liquid seep under them. I dragged my eyes up to his.

“You killed him.”

I rose stiffly. My eyes stayed carefully on the wall above his head. “But the difference between you and him is that he’s going to heaven. You? You’re going to hell.” I leaned down and kissed my husband with the utmost gentleness. “But I’ll see you there baby.”

With no hesitation, I walked to the door, conscious to “trip” on the big black cord plugging in his respirator as I went. My husband took in one last gasp before his chest was still. I sighed and looked back at him over my shoulder.

“Just remember on that highway your going on now, you did this to me.”

I gave the man I used to love a one last nod. Without another hesitation, I switched off the lights, placed my small wedding ring on the uniformly tiled floor, and walked back to my own room.

Author's Note

Little assignment for creative writing
God has the glory:)
Pardon my cursing, I try not to in my stories but it seemed necessary.

Reviews

[Taylor Dutcher]

Even though this story is very dark, it is beautifully written! I really enjoyed this. It truly grips the readers attention from beginning to end.

[Rose of Gondor]

One word: wow.

Just. Wow. This is astonishingly good.

[Lost in Wonderland]

thank you so much:) it means a lot 'cause i wasnt sure if I liked it so thanks!! :)

[Richard]

this is really candid and heartfelt I really enjoyed this :)

[Lost in Wonderland]

thanks for reading:)