There needs to be some revision in grammar, some breaks should be applied. Over all nice work, just minor fixes of all.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
thank you, and I'll look at that. I know I'm not a super grammatically correct writer haha:)
.. read morethank you, and I'll look at that. I know I'm not a super grammatically correct writer haha:)
God bless
God bless indeed. I have those days when I just feel out of place, depressed, confused, but then I wake up the next day, look in the mirror, and see a delighted angel!
This poem shows a lot of emotion and truth. I wake up some days and hate my reflection, and as you describe, sometimes it is hard to believe that it is you staring back. Well done.
The feeling is just... painful, in my experience. This poem truly is very strong just by theme and idea itself. The atmosphere was depressing yet awesome in some way. The imagery too added a deeper expression. This is A poem of unique quality and has my sympathy. Wonderful piece.
I loved this, but as I believe in helpful criticism, I'm goign to rip it apart;D Be WARNED.
"Waiting for someone to care" I feel liek this line could be tweaked to give you INSANE power. But we'll leave that to you=D.
"And my stars faded to black" Has good power, but as it is your last line, I feel you could do better. In fact, with your skill, I KNOW you could do better.
There's my criticism. ;D
NOW, on to happier things. I won't try to understand where this piece came from, but It gave me some perspective. If I were talking to this girl I'd say "Hey, I care, honestly. So, stop your nonsense;D"
If you ever just want to talk, hit my inbox;D writer's block is slowing me down anyway. ;D
keep writing, and thanks for sharing=)
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
thanks for the review and help:) I'm free to talk whenever haha:)
God bless
This is a really touching poem, sometimes it's our darkest moments that inspire us, other times we just need to get it all out, either way I'm sending you a lot of friendly hugs because everyone deserves to feel beautiful. Awesome poem!
Hi I'm mickey:) Welcome to my page
I've been on this sight for a couple of years now and enjoy getting my writing out there for the world to read:) I appreciate comments and will read anything you .. more..