Lost, but not yet found

Gliding through a field of dying grass

A breeze of virulent air threatens to suffocate me

It seems Like I've been lost for years, tip-toeing on broken glass

And he watches, just waiting for me to fall

 

A breeze of virulent air threatens to suffocate me

Attempting to turn my soul pitch black

Its a raging war inside to win the light back

 

It seems Like I've been lost for years, tip-toeing on broken glass

Trying not come to my inevitable death

Stuggling to take atleast one steady breath

 

And he watches, just waiting for me to fall

He sees that I'm naught but a lost lamb, full of fright

But I promise, I'm not going down withought a fight

Author's Note

My first ever Trimeric poem, I wrote it quickly so I'm not sure if I like it....
Feel free to give your honest opinion. If it's bad I want to fix it!!

Reviews

[Adam M. Snow]

Such poetic thoughts here, spoken from the heart. I like it

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you:)
God has the glory
~Mickey

[Adam M. Snow]

You are most welcome and that He has

[Michael Thrower]

Honest opinion: It was awesome. I've never heard or knowingly read a poem like this and now I'm going to go learn about it. From reading this, it inspires me to go and try to write my own. Besides that, the story you put into it was really good. It reminds me of someone going through suicidal thoughts, trying to come back to reality (The light). Very very good.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you so much:) And yeah I got the idea for using trimeric by reading some of my friends. If yoy write one send me and RR and I'll be happy to return the review
God Bless
~Mickey

[Brandon Mathis]

i like it i myself am new to trimeric and from i see you did an excellent job great write

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you very much:)
God Bless

[Brandon Mathis]

you are very welcome well deserved

[afra]

wow ...i loved it ..well done

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you
God bless

[Heather]

I think this is a good first Trimeric poem, you stayed true to the rules. In each of the following paragraphs you did a good job of providing a description of the starting sentence. I agree with the rest, you need a sequel :)

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you very mch:) And Perhaps I'll write one
God Bless

[Mr. Lou]

Great piece, but to ease the flow you should have kept the repeating lines in the same lines of the different paragraphs. like the "the breeze virulent air.." line should have been the second line of every paragraph every time it was used. the second paragraph has it as the first line and the first as the second. it disrupts the poem. Fix that and your piece is as good as great!

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thanks for the suggestion but can you do that in a trimetic poem? I agree the 2nd line seems odd at the beginning of the 2nd stanza but I think that's how the structure of this form of poetry has to be...but I'm not entirely sure since I'm new to this style

[Mr. Lou]

Perhaps your right. But to be quite honest I never pay attention the types of poetry that can be done. A poem is a poem to me. Haiku's and all that stuff I don't pay attention too.

[Lost in Wonderland]

I generally agree:) I'm more of a free form poet myself. I just like to try new things. Thank you though, for your thoughts:)

[Cole Hayley]

Your first and hopefully not last. ery beautiful. "It seems like i've been lost for years, tip-toeing on broken glass" love that line.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you very much:)
God Bless

[Irene]

I like it. and i agree that a sequel would be interesting.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thanks, and I may write a sequel...:)
God Bless

[Willowtree]

Sounds like a fight against the devil. Good writing. I think you should maybe write a sequel to this poem about how you won the fight:)
One thing. "Trying not come to my inevitable death" I think you may have meant "trying not to come"

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you! And yes thats what I was intending, a fight against the devil and darkness in general. I will maybe write a sequel...:)
God Bless

[Tai Ryens]

I wouldn't go so far as to refer it as 'bad,' but rather in need of improving. Your conjunctions, prepositions, and pronouns are too abundant, and I would work on trying to bring it down a notch. Overall, fine concept, wondrous Trimeric poem, but your phrasing could be changed.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you, I'll take a look at that. Anything that you noticed that needed a change?

[Lost in Wonderland]

Like that popped out at you?

[Tai Ryens]

None that come to mind.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Oh ok, I'll see if I can rephrase anything in way that sounds good:)