Lost, but not yet found

Gliding through a field of dying grass

A breeze of virulent air threatens to suffocate me

It seems Like I've been lost for years, tip-toeing on broken glass

And he watches, just waiting for me to fall

 

A breeze of virulent air threatens to suffocate me

Attempting to turn my soul pitch black

Its a raging war inside to win the light back

 

It seems Like I've been lost for years, tip-toeing on broken glass

Trying not come to my inevitable death

Stuggling to take atleast one steady breath

 

And he watches, just waiting for me to fall

He sees that I'm naught but a lost lamb, full of fright

But I promise, I'm not going down withought a fight

Author's Note

My first ever Trimeric poem, I wrote it quickly so I'm not sure if I like it....
Feel free to give your honest opinion. If it's bad I want to fix it!!

Reviews

[AE]

I thought it was cool that the lines in the first stanza are the first line of the following stanzas, you just elaborated on each line. I never read a Trimeric poem before. For this to be your first time doing it, it was very well written. Good Job!

[Lost in Wonderland]

thank you Amber:)
God bless

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

Amazing, I have to say that you are a magnificent writer ^_^
100/100

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank u roxast!
God has the glory:)

[Jetta Zippora]

Haunting and beautiful :) Great write, friend.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you Jetta:)
God Bless

[.]

Great poem! It rhymes and a little creepy.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you:)
God bless

[Hester Vane]

Haunting and touching in equal measure! I also found the 'he' characeter to be very vivid and imposing even though he is only breifly mentioned. Great sense of tension and you have handled the trimeric structure really well! I really enjoyed reading this! (i love the picture you've included too! but thats just a side thought!)

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you very much:)
God bless

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Me thinks one referrs to trimetric but does it contain ictus or breve and where is the troche, spondee, iamb, anapest and dactyl. My quatrain demands no intellectual assassination of a poet, merely that I feel the word that he spills with passion on the page of time. On a real note if one spends time trying to be a technical poet there is a risk of rising above the beauty of emotion and sitting on a sterile, unfeeling intellectual plane. Rant over. The poem however has merit although the iambic parameter was alittle confused.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Oh, I honestly didn't know trimetic had to be in iambic pentameter! Thanks for telling me that haha

[Anonymous Girl]

Its wonderfulm ^.^

[Lost in Wonderland]

Hehe thank u:)
God bless

[Anonymous Girl]

Its okay ^.^

[Jazmen]

that's what that's called? Trimeric? It's beautiful! I really loved reading this. It was very dark and cryptic, how I like em'.
And I appreciate your rhyming as well.. because it stayed on point and there were no useless words. Sometimes it's hard to do this, you did it very well. The idea of the poem is sad, and I hope you find the light, my friend. All in time.
Anyway, beautiful write.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you very much:)
God bledd

[Lost in Wonderland]

*bless

[Nico]

Nice one! Another poem to add to my Library! :D

[Lost in Wonderland]

Than you :D
God bless

[Speak in Silence]

Thank you for entering! I love this piece, good luck :)

[Lost in Wonderland]

Thank you:)
God bless

[Speak in Silence]

You're welcome :)