(Jamie's P.O.V.)
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I don't know what it is. I'm just drawn to him.. Yet, I have no idea why. I've been here fore the past four and half hours, and I've mostly been doing the talking. He started off by asking me if I was hungry, then asked about how life has been going for me, asked about Lauren (which I awkwardly told him the truth...) and then he asked about my childhood.
I didn't know what caused me to actually want to talk this much, but it felt good and I was happy to do so.
I told him about my mother and her personality; Classy,quiet, and headstrong. And then my father; Completely everything about his job, secretive, and at times, just gone.
I opened up to someone for the first time in a long time..I was never like this with anyone, not even Kragen, who I've always been close to since I was a kid.
Seth listened and remained quiet when I talked. He seemed to think over every little thing that I said to him, and I felt like he understood what I was saying, and how I was saying it.
I felt good here.... I felt safe and kept away from my worries at home. It's nice here.
Right now ,though, I'm laying on my side, still on his bed as he's slowly pacing back and forth throughout the tree house. It's still raining, and it's quieted down a bit since I first got here, but not by much.
"So...You're saying that you think if he'd stayed, everything would be okay?" He asked me. I glanced up at him, my head still lying in my palm. I couldn't help but smile at him. He was just a few feet away from me, eyes intense, brows drawn together, and he was standing straight up as he was tossing a hacky-sack ball back and forth between his large hands.
I was telling him about my parents again, this time about when my father had been kicked out of the house a couple years ago.
I thought about this for a second before responding. "Probably not.. I mean, this was the first time my mother had gotten so fed up with him and actually threw him out. If it didn't happen then, it would have happened later on,"
"Where's he go?" Seth asked. He lowered himself to the floor and sat across from me.
"He went to.." I laughed at this part, although it wasn't really funny. "He went to his secretary's house.. And you can probably guess what happened.. That wasn't the first time he cheated though," I said quietly. This was the first time I've every really talked about it.. Other times, Lauren or Oli, even Kragen, had asked me about it, but I never went into full detail as I am now.
I glanced up at Seth again to see he was looking at me, his darkened and hidden green-blue eyes piercing straight through me. I looked away, blushing a bit as he studied me. I wondered what went through his mind when he looked at me.. I tried to see myself from his point of view, but my mind just comes up with the plain girl I see everyday in the mirror.
"How did your mom find out he was cheating?" He asked, his voice heavy with question and curiosity. I looked back up and watched him move closer to me.
I reminded myself to breathe and remain calm. Having him this close to me was.... Confusing? Wonderful? Scary? I didn't know the answer, but half of me liked it, the other half not so much.
"Uh..." Right. He had asked me something. I racked my mind to remember what exactly it was. "Oh, um, I guess she kind of always knew. There was always that seed of doubtfulness planted in her mind. He would sometimes stay later at his office, then those sometimes turned into all nighters, and before we both knew it, he'd leave the city for meetings." Talking about this is making me feel awkward. I'm not sure why, it just is. Maybe Seth would think of me differently for my father's actions...
I hoped he wouldn't..
"But, there was always evidence,too.." I said as I looked up to his face. He was looking at me seriously again. I feel like a deer in open land while hunters circle me all around. Seth's look made me feel nervous.
"Like what?" He asked. Again, I forgot what we were talking about.
I cleared my throat and answered slowly. "Mmm, well, based on my mother's word, she walked in on him and a woman in a rather.... delicate embrace.." I said. I chose my words as best as I could, but honestly my mom's exact words were a bit more.. unlady like. I chuckled a little, remembering my mom's way of saying it. 'Damn s**t was all over him! All over my husband! I'll rip them both to shreds, I will, I'll ruin them!'.
I stopped smiling at that memory. My feelings for my father were very different. Sometimes I could stand to be around him, other moments I couldn't. I use to be really close with mom, but after the affairs, our relationship fell just as hers and my dad's did. He hurt her, her hurt me, and yet he continued doing it.. He did it after Jeremy, as if nothing happened..
A rush of sadness and dark thoughts ran through my mind and heart at the thought of him. Jeremy....
His name felt invisible, the sound of it only a whisper. I couldn't-.. Wouldn't allow myself to think of that night... The night Jeremy left me...
It grew quiet in the tree house again, and when a shattering thunder escaped this clouds, I jumped. I had forgotten it was raining.
"Are you okay?" Seth asked. I blinked, eyes wide, and nodded.
"Just got a little scared.." I said to him.
While I had been remembering forgotten memories, he had moved himself to the other side of the mattress, back up against the wall. I sighed, old emotions taking over me. I never thought about the hurt my dad caused, or about Jeremy mostly because I just simply didn't want to. It was difficult and too harsh, sad and unwanted.
He didn't have to do this..-
I was pulled from my thoughts by Seth nudging my torn shoe with his. I looked up, a part of me still trapped inside that box of pain.
But that was all forgotten when I looked up at him. When I looked up to Seth's face.
I don't know what it was that prompted me to do what I did.. Maybe because I, not only knew, but felt that he understood some kind of pain that I had gone through...
Or maybe, for once, I just wanted someone to hold me, to let me know that I wasn't as alone as I thought I was. I felt like this was the only chance I had to wipe the fake smile off my face and stop being the strong one. Maybe this was the one time I could be freed away from my hectic and ruined life..
I crawled my way towards him, only a heartbeat away, and I was right there. I curled into his side, and I felt him tense up only a second before his arm was around me and his hand flew to my hair, just stroking it, feeling it.
I moved as close as I could to him, needing something to hold onto, wanting something to hold onto me. His warmth was comforting, and his solid hold made me realize that I really was safe here.
It made me realize that Seth -the one person that I couldn't understand, but understood me- was a much bigger part of me than I could ever guess.
If possible, I inched closer, and buried my face into his plaid shirt. His only move was to hold me tighter than before.
Yes. As long as Seth was near me, with me, I knew for a fact that I was safe from the worries of my family, and the world.
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