Void

I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel like I've fallen into a void and I can't pull myself out. I don't know when or how it started but I'm in so deep, it's consuming me. I try so hard to pull myself out yet it seems the harder I try, the longer I stay and the further I fall. I crafted a shovel out of my negative thoughts and reinforced it with my  tears, yet still it broke. How I should have known. I tried wishing the hole filled but it filled in over the top of me and i had to dig my way up only to have my progress fall deeper into the hole and pull me down with it. I've tried calling for help for someone to hear and come rescue me but none heard my voice. I am fearful that this hole of never-ending despair is close to my home, my lovely husband, and will tear him apart. I've began piecing together boards made of my regrets and mistakes, and they made a pretty good building material. I made a set of stairs from the boards and nailed them together with all of my broken promises; yet as soon as I step across one, it crumbles below my feet, just like all of my broken promises, once new, broke as well. I don't know how, or if, I will ever get out. My husband comes to check on me, but all he sees are he walls I've put up around this void to keep others from falling in too. I woudn't wish this pain and hurt to befall anyone but myself, so I close myself off to keep them safe.