Marriage Prayer

Second draft, third and final coming in January!!

Two weeks ago…

The beautiful sound of Christina Perri’s “Thousand Years” floated into my heart, and straight out of my body through the tears that were falling mercilessly at the sight of the beautiful diamond ring being posed in front of me. Clayton looked at me with concern in his eyes, and the look deepened as he became acutely aware of the pain in my eyes that I was trying to hide, but apparently failing.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, the worry growing rather obvious in his eyes. I searched for the words, but could not find them. How do I tell him of my darkest fears without completely crushing him? I searched the ground as I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces. It’s not that I wanted to say no; I couldn’t say yes. The things Talya told me about him, but never taken time to ask, echoed through my mind, making me wonder why I even let Clayton this close to me. I fell apart into his open arms as I cried harder than I had ever before…

“Baby, what’s wrong? Please, Sage, just talk to me! Did I ask too soon?” Clay’s words burst out like the first spring rain after a long, hard winter. He had come over to the apartment we were going to move into as soon as we got married. He’s beyond worried; now he’s panicked. I sigh, and join him on the couch. I look deep into his baby brown eyes, and take a deep breath.

“Clay, I can’t believe that I didn’t tell you about this earlier. Goodness, I’m such an idiot.” He starts protesting, trying to get me to talk faster. “Clay, right now, I need you to shut up and listen to me. I know that seems harsh, but I need to get this off my chest without any interruptions.” I watch in sorrow as his heart breaks and tears fill his eyes, but I know he understands. I sigh and finally let it out. “Baby, Talya is talking about you. She told me that you were in prison for three months, and you got out last year. I’ve also heard that you’ve been with more than four women in the past year. How long have you been lying to me, Clay?” I yell. “What am I supposed to do? I don’t know who to believe anymore. Talya has been there for me since the day we met, which was in first grade! Now, all of a sudden, you expect me to believe you instead of my life-long best friend? I’m finding out that I hardly know you! Please, Clayton, tell me what I’m supposed to do. I’m just scared that I’m going to lose you! That’s the real reason I never answered. I didn’t do it to hurt you, I just�"“

“Well, you did!” Clay bursts out all of a sudden. “Do you have any idea how much it hurt to watch you fall apart and have to wonder why? Nothing I’ve told you has made any difference, Talya has you brainwashed that I’m this terrible guy! You know what, I did go to jail four months ago. You wanna know why? I found out my sister’s husband was abusing her, and I put a stop to it! He was in a coma for two weeks before she gave up hope of him changing and told the doctor to pull the plug. The judge who convicted me told me I was lucky that I had a liable reason for what I did, otherwise it would’ve been a life sentence. After I found out that Talya knew, I begged her not to tell you, not because I didn’t want you to know, but because I wanted to be the one to tell you! So, tell me, Sage, how do you blame me for getting mad? I tried to tell you that day, but you wouldn’t listen. I ended up talking to…” A dark look crosses his face, and he looks both hurt and angry, an imminent storm just waiting to come and wipe out the city it’s overlooking.

“Who did you talk to?” I ask softly, already knowing the answer. He just stares at me, the look of pain and regret strong. This much anger could be dangerous. He didn’t answer. “Was it Tayla?” I ask. He nods. “What do you want to do?” I ask quietly after a minute of silence, unsure of how to deal with this particular situation. He sighs, turns, and walks away.

I let my eyes search the cute little two-bedroom apartment that I called home for the past four months, at the white walls covered in my brother’s paintings, and my eyes settled on the gift Clay had given me for my 17^th birthday. The green-black grass mixed with the sunset sky in a beautiful blend of reds, greens, pinks, and oranges. I study the point of reference, a single silhouetted tree outlined in a perfect blend of reds and purples. As my eyes fill up with tears, the painting changes shape, and transforms into a whole new picture. I watch as the limbs stretch and transform into the vision of a beautiful young woman, face upturned, and reaching out to an unforeseen object, a small light in the distance. It had been here for two years, and now I finally understand what my brother meant.

“You’re the one who will make it come to life. I’m just the painter, but you’re the reason it has life. Someday, you’ll understand.” My brother looked at me with a proud look, his spring green eyes burning into mine. Starting that day, and knowing that I wouldn’t understand until I went through what he had when he created this amazing masterpiece, he watched over me the past two years, waiting for me to finally understand…

“Lord, I don’t know what it is that You’re doing, but You do. So much has happened these past few months, and I have been so happy with Clay. I really do love him, Lord, I do, and that is why I lift him up before You today. Lord, make him what You want to be, show him the way You want to go. Please, don’t let me lose him. He completes me in so many ways, it’s hard to explain, but I don’t have to explain it to You, You already know my heart. Father, please give me guidance in this Area, I can’t do anything without You. I need You right now; my heart is broken. You say in Your Word that if a man asks You for wisdom, You’ll give it. Lord, I need Your wisdom to deal with this. Please keep me safe as I continue to follow You in this Area of my life, and Lord? Please don’t let this be the end. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

“I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand. If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your Arms? ‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away, and I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today. ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right, and though I can’t be with you tonight, you know my heart is by your side…”

David Bedingfield’s words ring out like a beacon through a hopeless fog. I’m standing in front of Clay with my phone in my hand, and it’s playing for him my heart and soul. I let the tears fall mercilessly as I look at him. My heart breaks inside me, and I finally understand. “Talya told me all of that because she’s in love with you?” I ask, appalled at my so-called best friend. I find myself trying really hard not to laugh, but failing.

Clay can’t help but laugh as well. “I know, right? After I left your apartment last week, I went to talk to her. She just looked at the floor, admitted to it, and apologized. But, hey,” His voice suddenly turns very serious. “One good thing did come out of this.” He cups my chin in his hands and stares at me, his thumb wiping away my foolish tears.

“Yeah, what’s that?” I ask, unsure of the answer.

“I know that my love for you is real. When I found out what she was telling you, I was really mad, not because she was telling you about all that, but because she was trying to draw you away from me. I’ve never been so mad at anyone before; I don’t know what came over me.”

“Clayton?” I ask, my entire body shivering, shaking from the emotion that had taken over.

“Yes, my love?” He answered sweetly, still staring at me.

I pull his hands down, away from my face. As I take a step back, I’m working so hard to hide my smile from him, because he has no clue what’s coming. “Close your eyes,” I command softly, the adrenaline racing through my veins. He c***s his head to the side, sticks his tongue out at me, and complies. I laugh out loud, the first time in weeks, and tell him to stand still and let me move him to where I want him. I start with his head, positioning it so that it’s pointed upward, like he’s praying. Then I take his hands, and point them straight out on both sides, like a small child would pretending to be an airplane. I take a step back. I smile, remembering all the good times we’ve had together, then rush at him, throwing my arms around his waist, and holding him tight, not wanting to let go. He exhales deeply, finally understanding what it is I’ve been trying to tell him. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, kisses the top of my head, then lays his head on my shoulder, and whispers, “I love you, Sage.”

“I love you more.”

After what seems to be an eternity, he leans back, and grabs my hands in his. He looks at them for a second, takes a deep breath, then leads me to the table and tells me to sit down. “Your turn, close your eyes.” His tone is strangely serious, and I have no clue what’s going on. I comply, every muscle in my body tensing.

“Lord, you’ve given me this woman. These past few months have been so amazing, so fresh, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. You’ve led me to her, and kept her by my side through everything that I’ve put her through. I don’t understand why she loves me like she does. Love like hers only comes from You. I pray that You’d keep her safe, and happy in You. I pray also for myself, that You’d give me wisdom and guidance as I continue in my walk with You, and that I’d continue to bring glory to You no matter what happens today. In Your name, I pray, Amen.”

I open my eyes, and immediately understand. “Sage, you’ve stood by my side through everything that’s happened over the past three years. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. You complete me, and you’ve given me so much joy and peace that I don’t know what to do with it all,” Clay said, his eyes beginning to fill with tears. His voice breaks as he continues, “I want you to stay with me forever. Sage, will you make me the happiest man on the earth, and take my hand to walk with me for the rest of my life?”

“Clayton?”

“Yes?”

“You just answered your own question.”

Eight years later…

“Kinsi! You’re going to be late for your first day of school if you don’t hurry up!”

“I don’t wanna go to school. I wanna stay home with you and make cookies again, like we did yesterday.” Five year old Kinsi Anne looks up at her mother, baffled by why she has to leave her. “Can’t we just watch movies today, and I go to school tomorrow, Mommy? Please!”

“Kinsi, honey, you have to go to school. Today is a very special day for you. Now, you need to listen to your mother and go get dressed,” Twenty-seven year old Clayton Flaire gently scolds his oldest daughter of three as he cradles his two-month-old son in his arms. He glances over at his exhausted wife, who was leaning on the table with one arm supporting her head, and gives her an encouraging smile. “Babe? No stress,” he assures her as he leans over to kiss her.