'Sylis' Chapter 2

  The alarm started, I didn’t even flinch.  I'd been awake for hours, just laying on the bed, staring at the same four walls, the same piece of flapping wallpaper that I had started to strip long ago.   I'd been awake long enough to hear the birds stir and chat to each other, to hear the milkman clink bottles of milk on the porches as number three’s battered diesel coughed to life. And now long enough for the alarm clock to officially wake me.  Everyday the same routine, constant proof that the world keeps turning, that life goes on but today was different. I had something to get up for, something important that I had to do.

 

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and quickly grabbed the mattress as I waited for my head to stop spinning. With less force this time I gently padded my way towards the bathroom and shuddered at the sudden drop in temperature.  I flinched as I glanced in the mirror. Why did I have to look?   My skin looked pale with deep black circles around the eyes. I looked older too, older and lifeless.  I sighed as I glanced back at my reflection and reached across to turn the shower on. I reluctantly pulled off my vest and hopped from leg to leg as I waited for the water to warm up.

 

  I pulled the glass door open and stepped inside the steamy cubicle and closed my eyes as the hot water ran down my back. Each time I did I would see the same thing, a detailed re-run of the accident. That’s why I avoided sleep, I would do anything to keep busy but I couldn’t stay awake forever.  I didn’t cry out in the night any more, not that anyone was ever here to notice.  I was getting quite used to the never-ending nightmare that haunted me, always expecting it and it always came.

 

  There’s was something about last night’s dream that bothered me though, something I couldn’t quite remember.  I squirted some shampoo into my hands and rubbed it into my hair trying to think back.  I scrubbed harder, making a fountain of coconut suds trickle down my spine.  I had that really uncomfortable feeling, the same one you get when you step out your front door but know you've forgotten something.  What was I missing?

 

  Since the accident I hadn’t paid much attention to anything, or anyone. Questions I’d been asked or things I’d been told.  As soon as I heard Ben was dead it was like nothing mattered any more, the what, whens and whys weren’t going to change it, he wasn’t coming back. 

 

  It’s just hard I guess, knowing that I walked away when he didn’t.  It was one of those freaky cases. I’m sure someone had explained it to me before but most of the time when people talked to me, I could see their lips moving and their expressions change, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying, not really.

 

  I read the report of how Ben died on impact and how I’d been thrown from my window when the car rolled. They had found me on the side of the road with a broken arm, metres from where the car had landed. It’s just hard to accept what would have happened.   The left hand side was completely obliterated. There’s no way I would have survived it. I looked at the crash picture once and swore to never again.

 

  I finished rinsing off the conditioner and stepped out of the shower and quickly wrapped myself in a towel. I couldn’t shake off the niggling feeling inside, like I had forgotten something. I turned as a car beeped from the front of the house and ran quickly towards the window. I started to panic, as the little mini pulled up outside and looked back at the clock confused.  I wasn’t even dressed yet. I rushed to put on a pair of trousers and shirt as the mini beeped again and thundered my way down the stairs. I quickly grabbed my bag and slammed the door shut as I stumbled onto the street. 

  I looked up at the rumbling old car.  I could see Emily fiddling with the radio inside.  I pulled the door open quickly, and slid myself onto the passenger seat.

 

''Sorry,'' I huffed, ''I completely lost track of time.''

 

''Not. . a. . problem'' she said, frowning as a crackling noise echoed through the speakers. ''It’s actually nice for you to be late for once.'' 

 

''I take it this means you actually slept?'' she raised her eyebrows in excitement. I glanced out of the window

 

''Um . . . kinda'' I said waiting for her to press me on it, but she didn’t.  She was always nice like that.

 

  Emily works in the office next door to me and since the accident has been picking me up everyday.  It’s not like I can’t drive. I just haven’t sat in my car yet.   I don’t actually know why either. I wasn’t driving when the car crashed, so I guess it would make more sense for me to be nervous of other people. She just offered when she heard I was allowed to come back to work and since then has always done it.  It’s actually really nice of her too, as I’m right out of her way.

 

  I placed my bag into the foot well, wound down the window and rested my arm against the hot sill.  I watched Emily turn the wheel, heading west towards work and felt a rush of nerves wash over me. Today was important. I couldn’t afford to raise any suspicions. I looked down at my twiddling thumbs and quickly tucked them inside my fingers hoping that Emily hadn’t noticed. 

 

  I stared at my wrist and stroked the pin marks from my stitches, my mind flashed back to the accident, seeing the dirt track rush towards my face.

 

''Belt please.'' Emily said.  I blinked and stared at her confused.

 

''Your belt silly'' she laughed as she tapped the little plug next to me.  I shook my head in a daze and clicked the belt into place.

 

''Damn radio'' she huffed as she inserted a CD into the player.

She frowned as she waited for the music to start and glanced up at the road.

 

She slammed her foot hard on the break, flinging us both forward and back against our seats, stopping just inches from the red Peugeot in front.  I could feel my hands start to shake. I quickly tucked them underneath my legs.

 

''Sorry'' she whispered, pressing on the horn.

 

  I tried to smile but I felt weird. Like feeling déjà vu.  I wracked my brain trying to remember what felt so familiar and glanced towards Emily. She stared at the car in front but I could tell she felt awkward. I knew what she was like, resurfacing old traumatic memories would be the last thing she would want to do to me. But it wasn’t the near crash that bothered me. It was the niggling feeling I had inside, the same one I had this morning. Like I had forgotten something. 

 

 I looked quickly at Emily as she turned and watched me suspiciously from her seat. I slowly relaxed back into my own and looked lazily out the window but the short sharp tug of my belt, the one I had felt a moment ago, was the exact same feeling I had during the accident, when I couldn’t breathe.   I bit on my thumbnail confused.  It didn’t make any sense. Safety belts couldn’t fail during crashes? Could they?  I looked back out the window and felt my skin prickle with cold. . . It didn’t fail.  It couldn’t have done? I was pinned to my seat!  But if it didn’t fail and I was wearing my belt, how did I end up on the road?  Emily cleared her throat again.

 

''Grace honey…..are you coming?  We’re going to be late.'' I smiled and quickly grabbed my bag.  I hadn’t even noticed we’d stopped. 

 

I walked quickly through the offices, saying good morning to the night shift who were starting to pack up.   I slumped down at my small cubicle desk, flicked on the computer and waited for my shift to start. Today would be the same routine as always, the usual whingeing customers moaning, trying to get money off or compensation.   I know it sounds weird but I’m actually better at my job since the accident.  I’m more like one of the automated phone messages now.  Before, I used to at least pretend to care, but now I just give the same rehearsed lines the company issue us to say, just like a robot.  I stared at the clock, watching the little hand slowly making its way round in a circle, gradually hypnotising me with its slow ‘tick tock’ sound.  I had to be wearing my belt? Why didn’t I think of this before?

 

  A noise fluttered behind me. I glanced around to find it and watched as the red-faced office junior quickly marched back towards the photocopier, carrying a stack of crumpled papers in his hands.   

 

''Oh come on now, don’t be shy,'' a voice laughed, ''I didn’t know you were going to be that jumpy!'' 

 

''Shakey!'' I said rolling my eyes, I should have guessed.  As she walked in my direction I slowly slid further down my chair, hoping that she hadn’t yet seen me.  She bounced towards me and peered over the cubicle, gently rocking on her heels to get my attention. I typed quickly on the keyboard. 

 

''Ahem.'' she coughed.

 

I hit the return button and looked up at her smiling face. My face fell quickly. Her smile was huge! She looked totally guilty.  I had known Shakey long enough to know that when she smiled at you like that she either wanted something or had done something. Whichever way you looked at it, it meant I wasn’t going to like it.

 

''I’ve been thinking'' she said, as her smile widened.

 

I braced myself and looked back at the screen. I could see her twisting her thumbs together. She looked nervous. I pretended not to notice her new awkwardness and straightened a pile of papers on my desk. 

 

''Yeah, what about?'' I asked casually.

 

''Well. .'' she hesitated ''You see. .Well the thing is, I’ve been thinking….'' she fumbled.

 

I glanced up at her, annoyed. Why did she have to come into work today? She was always taking time off sick. Why couldn’t she be off sick today? I quickly forced out a smile. 

 

''You’ve been thinking?'' I asked cheerfully.

 

''Yes, but just hear me out before you answer, ok?''

 

''I’m listening'' I replied

 

''Well, I still have the spare room free on the flat . . .''  I let out a long exaggerated sigh.  

 

''Wait, wait'' she panicked ''I just think it would be really great if you moved back in. It would be just like old times.''  I raised my eyebrow at her.  

 

''Are you behind on the rent again Shakes?  You know if you are I can lend you some money. It’s not a problem.''

 

I filed the complaint application away on my computer and waited for her to reply but when I looked up from my screen, I saw her face twisted and hurt by my words. 

 

''That’s not why I’m asking you''  she said, jutting out her bottom lip. 

''It's been ages Grace.  You stay in that house all by yourself, you never come out……not that you did much anyway'' she said, rolling her eyes.  

 

''This is just silly. I have space and well… you need company! So come back to the flat, it makes perfect sense right?''  I struggled to find any words.

 

''Look, I’ll even do more tidying, I swear!'' She crossed her heart.  I lowered my head.

 

''Shakey, I can’t.'' I said softly. ''Besides, I’m happy at the house.

''There are loads of people desperate for rooms to rent, so for now, please just put an ad out ok?''  I looked into her watery eyes.

 

''Happy, yeah right'' she muttered and sulked slowly back towards her desk.

 

I sighed a deep sigh.   I didn’t want to leave things like this, not with her of all people, but tomorrow none of this would matter. When she read the letter she would understand, and then she would forgive me…. eventually.

 

I watched the hand point to 5 and quickly flicked off my computer. I grabbed my bag and made a run for it.

 

''Sorry, your request has been denied, please try again later.'' I heard Shakey’s system repeat as I ran past her desk.

 

I flinched as she spotted me.  I could see her twitching to call out, but I hid round the corner before she had any chance to.  I just needed to escape; I needed to get out of there. I peered back around the corner and felt a twinge of sadness.  I sighed as she fumbled with her wires and turned quickly towards the door, banging headfirst into Emily. I stared at her phone as it fell to the floor.

 

''Sorry Em,'' I said, handing it back, ''I’m just in a hurry to get home.''

 

''Do you think?!'' she said rubbing her head ''But I can understand, working in this place'' she smiled. She dug her hand in her handbag searching for her keys and rattled them in front of me.  

 

''So, are you ready to go?'' she asked.

 

Her question hit me like a slap round the face, a confirmation or sign, in case I had any doubt left at all.   I took in a deep breath and sighed.

 

''Yes Emily,'' I said, ''yes I’m ready to go.''

Author's Note

This is a DRAFT version of ‘Sylis’. I am aware that there may be a lot of technical error’s but at this stage I’m trying to get feedback on the story line, character’s etc. Any technical advice will be gratefully received and I will look to edit the whole story with everyone’s suggestions in mind.
Thanks for reading
Michelle :)

Reviews

[WayOath]

I love the imagery you used in her work area. I felt the hurt when she rejected Shakey. Lol. I like Shakey, and she needs to move back in with her. She is apparrently not happy and it would do her some good. Ha ha, sounds like I am trying to get her to do it. Anyway, the seatbelt thing seems to me like something that will contiune to remind her of the wreck. I don't think its the seatbelt personally just the fact that she wasn't bound to the car and Ben was. I mean, in the confusion I don't see him reaching over and undoing her belt, if anything that would take some thought because it could kill her or not kill her. That's just not something I see happening. :P She's going to have to make it through somehow, she needs Shakes :) Keep writing and be sure to let me know when there is more!

WayOath

[An owl on the moon]

Powerful, personal-feeling write that is richly woven in a conversational style... the characters just come to life! There are the shadowed hints that give your work an edge, leaving the reader with that sense of foreboding... Excellent... Looking forward to more!

[Reaching for the clouds]

I like how this ch clears up some items from ch 1 without insulting my intelligence. At this point i am genuinely interested in knowing what happens next! Nice job.
you write like a pro.

[Christie Moses]

You keep me interested here. I like the bit of mystery you throw in to keep the reader holding on.
As a survivor of a very terrible car accident, I can definitely relate to her angst and feelings of reliving it again and again. Sadly that takes years to really go away.
I like your characters and how you develop them. Shakey seems larger than life and like a few friends I have had in my life :)
Going on to read chapter 3

[patricia]

Hi Michelle, sorry I haven't read anymore of your work since over a week ago, I am away at the moment, and so my checking in to writers cafe is in snatched hours here and there.
Your second chapter...well written, I liked the way you put suspense into your flashbacks with the seatbelt questions, and I loved the way you described the change of emotions in how the accident victim felt before her trauma, and how it had altered her feelings towards people afterwards...you write extremely well. I look forward to reading more soon. Thanks.

[Megan S.]

Ha-ha, I have to say I LOVE knowing what’s coming up next, but it’s not ruining a single thing for me in this chapter, I can honestly say that. So, anywho, another awesome chapter!

Things You Should Work On:

You know, you frustrate me because you make it SO hard to do this section when I actually have to search for things to put here, so you know what? I’m not going to put anything here but that this time. You simply aced this chapter!

Things I Really Liked:

You deserve a kiss from some really amazingly hot man for your work on this chapter. Your words, your sentences, your scenes, they all flow so amazingly it’s like you don’t even try. It’s kind of like this: I imagine you sitting down, closing your eyes, and letting your hands just type whatever they feel like typing, but there is some magical being telling your hands what would make the story amazing. Again, I love that I get to know what your FMC is feeling because you do it so well. Some people make it so boringly stated that you’re like, what in the heck is the point of even reading this? It’s so boring! YOU are not that kind of person. Your writing flows seamlessly, and I notice that so far chapter three is your weakest as you said, but in all honesty, that’s not even a bad chapter. I love your writing, your thought process throughout the story, the storyline, the characters, the plot… the question is really what don’t I love, and the best part is, I know I’ll continue to love it.

Favorite Line:
That would have to be, “I had that really uncomfortable feeling, the same one you get when you step out your front door but know you've forgotten something. What was I missing?” This would have to be my favorite because I have that feeling on an almost constant basis. It’s like I’m always missing something, but I’m really just thinking I am. Here, though, it’s a valid point in the story as well as an interesting twist you certainly don’t expect as a reader.

Girl, I honestly have to say I think you could get published, just from the three chapters I’ve read so far. I don’t know how you do it, your writing is seriously that perfect, and I wish that someday I could be like you. I look up to you, and if I remember correctly, this is your first story. You completely and totally rock, and I hope beyond all hope that you’ll get heard above all the noise and make it into the world of all those famous authors because you deserve it, especially with what is simply raw talent at the moment. Keep it up! I wish you all the luck and hope you never stop writing!

--Megan S.

[?]

wow, I love this, so descriptive
Imagery is wonderful, I feel like in the story.
I love courageous Grace
Excellent

[Forest Green]

On my second reading of this chapter I find that I missed so much the first time around. Hidden within each line, even words sometimes, is so much reality it's truly heartrending. I've had acquaintances survive accidents and explain their emotions and frustrations afterward in very similar ways to the details of this chapter. Panics, confusion, urgencies, even the flattening of their personalities as you so clearly described the change in Grace...becoming like an answering machine.
This chapter is so touchingly done...! The reader cannot help but form a bond with Grace. She is courage against odds, the kind we all need from time to time.

Excellent, excellent work.

Daniel

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong chapter. The conversation was interesting. The death still linger in the mind about Ben's death. I like he allow her to stay with him. Even with self-doubt. A excellent chapter. Thank you.
Coyote

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

The trauma at the feeling of being in a car again, the accident still raw in her mind. Good chapter.

[DarkAngelWriter]

I love the Final Destination feeling I got during the car ride. I love every little detail that keeps enforcing the fact that the world doesn't stop, even though Grace can't get out of her own head.

I also appreciate how something as little as a seat belt has her mind whirring like it is. Again, excellent attention to detail.

I (respectfully) disagree with Jim about her not seeming the type to blow off Shakey. Normally, I would agree, but she obviously does not want her best friend involved in whatever is about to go down -- very much like Grace.

No critique. Excellent chapter and I'm headed for the third.