please give me the strength not to love him. Please free me from this hell of his face, his smell his effect on me. I beg you banish the memories forever, wipe him from my mind. And help me to see sense that this love is one sided and will never be the dream i desperately cling on to.
Make me strong enough to forget him, to not contact him and to be happy for his choice - which was not me. For true love means I wish him to be happy, so please make his dreams come true.
A one-sided love affair can never work, but love is love, and you can't turn it off like a tap. I've been there myself. It hurts like hell when the one you love rejects you for someone else. You get over it, in time, but you never forget, and (in my case at least) you never stop loving, even if you meet someone else. A highly poignant write. ~ Robert.
On a personal note, I hope some day you will be someone's true love and he will be yours too. Things can only get better for you.
Coming to the poetry, the thing I like most about it is its message. You express extremely noble sentiments. I must have gone through a gazillion poems about love on WC, but few if any exude this kind of nobility in the face of sorrow.
From a technical point of view, I'd recommend a few changes. First of all, the lines have been organized as a prose passage right now. I'd prefer the layout to be more poem-like. I understand it is a letter to God, but it is more convenient for the reader if it "looks" like a poem. Secondly, you are way too literal and explicit in everything that you want to convey. That somehow takes the charm away. Leave a few gaps for the reader to fill in. Not big gaping holes, but don't say everything. And be a little more concise. When the theme itself is not an extended one, extra words tend to dilute the poem's impact.
But I was truly happy to see the high level of morality shown here. Thank you!
PS: Please take the critical comments in a positive sense. They were only given in the hope that those minor modifications might win you wider appreciation.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Many thanks for taking the time to read and write your review. Of course ill take your comments on b.. read moreMany thanks for taking the time to read and write your review. Of course ill take your comments on board and all in a positive light x
A very sad and beautiful prayer. Some people do have the effect on us. Best to have distance from them. I did like the ending. We must hold on for wishing for happiness for people we had loved. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote
it is really sweet when we fall in love but it hurts when we dont recieve it back. we try to be satisfied with the situation trying to pretend that all what we care for is the good for the beloved although inside of us, e are burning..e prayers..
Something in you is screaming run You should listen to your mind not the heart in this case
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
I think you're right Tate. Thanks for the read x
11 Years Ago
Our instincts quite often are just a collection of lessons long forgotten by the conscious mind.They.. read moreOur instincts quite often are just a collection of lessons long forgotten by the conscious mind.They tell us to run when they deem the circumstances warrant the need. n this case you are recognizing similar circumstances from times gone by that did not turn out well.op the inner self is saying be wary and run for your life. pay heed to them they are relaying truths to you once hidden away till needed .
I stopped and read your words, then sat here breathless... silent... knowing too well of this pain. Wanting so much for your prayers to be answered, and your life to come alive in the beauty and joy and peace you wish for another. May it come and fill you forever. xo