Roads

It’s funny how people can go from place to place without thinking twice. You see a puddle, you step over it. You pass a 120-year-old oak tree, your thoughts don’t fluctuate. All these normal occurrences that will always be there. A constant that can be depended on. That tree was around for my great grandmother and will be there for me in my old age. Puddles will come and go, but there will always be puddles to splash in.

 

A car hit my dog yesterday. He was chasing a rabbit and ran into the street. It’s cheesy to say he was my best friend, but I can’t think of another way to put it. My boyfriend won’t lick my feet, but Stewart was always there. I went for a walk to breathe free air.  Give myself a chance to clear my mind, but that never works out the way it's supposed to. I walk looking at the ground, not because I want scoliosis, but because I don’t want to see the road I’m on. I came upon a puddle that reflected the tree canopy above. It was kind of sparse like Uncle Louie’s balding head. I kept walking, thinking about everything you’re not supposed to when you’re clearing your head. I turned around and headed back when I reached a dead end.  There was the puddle again and it was smaller. Although still reflecting the trees, the canopy looked different. It was more dense. Probably because of the darkening sky. I stopped walking and stood still. Looked forward for the first time in hours and saw what was ahead of me. In front of the little puddle was a long road home. Sure it had some potholes and branches in the way. But I had to follow it nonetheless. It is my road and dinner’s ready.

Reviews

[Amberlynne]

This story has potential, but you're rushing it, and it ends way too abruptly. At it's current stage, it's more of a vignette than a story. Slow it down. Take time to describe and reflect. Especially describe. *Show* the readers everything the character is seeing and feeling. Telling as you currently do leaves the peace fairly emotionless. You want the reader to experience exactly (or almost exactly) what the character is experiencing. I know that the death of a loved dog is tragic, but I don't feel it through your character like I should, like I know you'd like me to. Take your time with this piece. Flesh it out, give it a soul and wings. Give the readers and *experience*. ^__^