A Love Proverb

The story of an old man and his unforgiving past.

And as he stood, a stage appeal;

He only writes, for what is real.

A quill and ink set by his side,

The masterpiece swelled up in pride.

 

A teardrop falls on to the page,

Mixing with ink he writes a phrase;

“Oh to my young and dear and sweet,

I love you so, just hear me, please.”

 

The last words fell into the rhyme,

He took a bow and fell to time.

And as he fell he threw his work,

Into the dark without a smirk.

 

He sits alone, so old and cold,

His love for her, she’ll never know.

And to this day, to his dismay,

No words, no ink; a life so gray.

Author's Note

So, I wrote this out of inspiration of a picture I saw of an old man sitting alone on a bench outside. It said "I've been in love with the same woman for almost 50 years now. I wish she knew." Plus, I wanted to see how well I could write a rhythmic poem with a nice and easy beat to it. tell me how you like it, critisize and so on. Thanks for reading!

Reviews

[Wuji]

This poem has serious merits and a first class title. It feels crafted and polished and the only thing it lacked was a tiny bit of the next level of authenticity-originality. However, it is of a very high order and shows a great deal of poetic potential.

[Michael Thrower]

Why thank you very much! It is one of my best poems.

[Amanda J. S.]

This is really beautiful. Lost love, hmm...

[Crimson_Catastrophe]

Im not usually a fan of this sort of rhyme scheme, but I liked this poem.
I loved the concept and the inspiration. It's surprisingly relatable for me.
All in all, a very good poem.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Nice. You've used a form and meter that appeals to me. A few rewrites and it will be a worthy collection of words, taking syllabic counting and metaphoric integrity into account. Please keep at it.

[Patrick]

third verse was the triumph for me - loved the falling scenario - well written this :)

[Eloha]

I really really enjoyed the first two stanzas, you have a lovely poetic style.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Interesting poem that I was not expecting with the title, Very well written and nice concept! I feel like he, as many others do, was writing to get out the emotion that he cound't dare to express in written words. Nicely done:)
God Bless
-Lost in Wonderland

[Serenity Faith]

Very well penned! Your rhyme and rhythm were perfectly in sync with one another. Too often do we never say or act upon how we truly feel. More often than none it's the cause for regrets. Excellent write ^_^

[Emily Dickinson Jr.]

I actually rly like this! lol
and thats a rly good thing cuz im usually pretty picky on my poetry ^.^

[Veronica Lynn]

I love this poem! Great Job :D ♥♥

[I Shred This Cabbage]

this is pretty good, nothing to criticise at all. it flows well and ordains a wondrous sentiment with passion, well done, dude!