The Summoning

I always wanted to write something like this. I feel like I got it JUST how I wanted it. I love writing, but sometimes I have to just make up some cool scenario and hopefully add it to story later on.

            The cloaked figure paced side to side within the small room of his wooden shack. A bright circle enclosing an inverted star made with chalk stamped the middle of the floor. Tall black candles stood outside the circle beside every point of the star. Green and black fire flickered outwards from the candles as they burned. The cloaked man’s black robes fluttered around his ankles as he stood motionless, chanting. A bright yellow flame burst from within the middle of the star, lighting the whole room to appear as daytime, despite being windowless.

            Another man stood in the room. Brave, tall, well-muscled, and motionless, he wore a large Cross across his plated chest. On his back hung a large great sword, extending all the way down his body. Fully armored and standing tall, he was like a statue. His face was expressionless and white as snow. He appeared very calm in this dark and sinister room.

            A crackling sound burst forth from the center of the circle, followed by a stream of yellow smoke and the overwhelming smell of sulfur. “What will it be this time, master?” A voice as slick as oil and sharp as the whip it carried echoed out from within its bindings.

            “Not your usual course of action, I’m afraid. We have some topics to discuss.” The man in black robes spoke softly, his voice resonating with age and terrible knowledge.

            “Oh Eldrith, why must you have such pride? You know this macabre won’t last. I can break these bindings as easily as I broke your sister’s neck. Remember that?” The succubus snickered, glaring hungrily into the wizards eyes. “I killed your pathetic family and your foolish master. What makes you think you can summon me like a dog to your command? I am greater than you. I will break these bindings with a single twist; they’re no more than strands of grass tied about my wrists.”

            “Hold your tongue demon!” The man in black robes bellowed, shaking the walls of the very building. “You know not what you speak! Your voice is of deceit and lies!” He threw off his black cloak to reveal a much brighter color. Long silver robes were uncovered as the black fell to the floor in a pile of dust. “The time has come, Verribis.” The demon flinched at the sound of its name.

            From the corner of the room, the tall man strode forth to stand beside Eldrith. Being just, if not more surprised as the succubus, he didn’t seem to show. His pale complex and features were like hardened stone. The statue of an angel. Lifting the large great sword high into the air, he let it fall straight over the bound succubus. A loud ring of metal mixed with the frantic crackling of fire and brimstone echoed out from the shack and through the surrounding forestry. With a loud shriek of disbelief, the succubus burst into smoke and ash. The candles in the room coughed out immediately, leaving it silent and dark with the smell of sulfur chocking the air. 

Author's Note

How did this make you feel as you read it? I was hoping some fast paced and intense work as well as very descriptive and just overall cool. Was it a vivid scenario?

Reviews

[Emily]

I really liked this. The cloaked guy reminded me of a mixture of Gandalf or Dumbledore but more Gandalf. It had a sort of Lord of the Rings feel at the beginning to me but when you started talking about the sucubus it reminded me of a book I read. It's called Beautiful Creatures. There are 3 books in the series so far. You might want to check them out and read them. They might help your story advance some. But anyways, I really liked this a lot. I guess I'm just gonna have to go and read some more of your writings. c:

[Michael Thrower]

I will definitely check them out! Thank you for the review :)

[Tatiana]

i was there in the room , i felt everything, the smoke , the pain , the shock , the power. so intense , really good. wished you make it into a full fledged novel, just a thought. great good :)

[RachelReaper]

I really like the concept of this, as I'm kind of into this genre. Nicely done, dude

[Michael Thrower]

Thank yeh.

[Pratik]

I usually don't do stories for reviews. But I am glad I did this. It was cool and has a Harry-Potter feel to it. I hope you build something more on this :)

[Michael Thrower]

Over the past month I've edited this, so hopefully it reads better and has a clearer picture than the last time.

[Toni Blackerby]

I loved it the whole time i was reading it faster and faster

[FrancescaX]

Reminds me of Skulduggery Pleasant. Sorry that's just Mortal Coil. But it's good and leaves one asking questions. That's a good thing for any writer. It means people want more...or i do.

[T. Logan]

Kind of Lord of the Rings like. Which is good. They're one of my favorites.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Very nice imagery and intensity to the story! I usually don't read stuff like this, but I enjoyed your story. You could maybe consider making it a short novella so we could get more character background:) Nice work Michael!
God bless
~Mickey

[Michael Thrower]

Thank you so much :) It needs a bit of work done to it, but I'll worry about that later.

[Lost in Wonderland]

No prob:) and if you add more make sure to tell me!

[Michael Thrower]

I will :D Thanks again, you're always so inspiring.

[Lost in Wonderland]

Aw thanks! :D

[Myra]

J.R.R. Tolkien would admire this story you have wonderfully crafted!
And I admire it as well =]

[Michael Thrower]

Well, I would hope some day I'll get to meet him ;) Thanks for the review