Vampiric Touch

oh god not another vampire poem....oh yeah it seems unfinished.

When I close my eyes.

Theirs this evil dead inside...

A chateau swallowed by time,

only to be seen in the darkness...

As this hate overtakes my soul.

My friends turn to strangers.

As Blood becomes my only love.

This tempation...

Has lead to my destruction.

As this crismon thirst,

fills my eyes.

 Hoping this desire...

 Will never lie.

 

Reviews

[J.Leonard]

Its good. I like it. The only critique I can offer is a spelling one.
Second line: Theirs is an indication of ownership that is not you.
I think it would read much better if it was written "There's" There is this evil inside.

Beyond that; this is awesome.

[Raven Moonchild]

As a fellow writer and lover of vampires,I throughly enjoyed this poem. :)

[francinebc]

This is great, im over all the sappy "im in love with you, lets go run way together and live happily for the rest of my life" That is not how any of that bogus works.
This is great because it depicts the reality of a creature we could only ever know in literature and television.
i really enjoyed this piece. A nice change.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Really like the vampyres.
Blood as an only love... a crimson thirst.. very descriptive, Michael.

Chloe

[Angelic Darkness]

I love the changes you made in this...excellent! I love
this line: As this crismon thirst fills my eyes. AD

[Jessica Benfield]

nice... this one is very dark, and the newer lines show it well. nice redo.
smiles,
jess

[Rambling Prose]

The darker side of poetry & prose doesn't appeal to me, however, it was easy enough to digest.

sending a note addressing a few typos.

[Jessica Benfield]

poems of the darker variety are of my favor, lol, and you have done well here. i like vampires, and you have desribed them well. nice piece.
smiles,
jess