A Dark Road

wifey got mad.....

The pain your words make.
Are like razor blades and salt.
You pierce my heart.
By you turning and walking away.
I stand here alone.
In the heat of the night.
Trying to comprehend on what…
Actually just happened.
I look at my watch.
And realize the time.
For tomorrow I have to watch my daughter.
And as I walk towards the house.
I glance down the dark long road.
And in disbelief I mumble the words…
"She actually left".

Reviews

[C. Marie Says, "do..]

ok, let me break this down for you. my feedback will be indicated with asteriks.*First-i would be tempted to consider a different title. yours, being profane, may make a reader automatically turn off.The pain your words make. Are like razor blades and salt. *i would change this to the pain of your words, you need to change are to is. it is in reference to pain, which is singular. there should be a comma after make, and you need to make are lower-case.You pierce my heart. By you turning and walking away. *No period after heart, change by to when you, and lower-case it.I stand here alone. In the heat of the night. *you need a comma after alone, and to lower-case in. you need a semi-colon after night.Trying to comprehend on what� Actually just happened. *you need to lower-case the t in trying, you need to take out the on, you need to take the ..., and lower-case actually.I look at my watch. And realize the time. *you need a comma after watch, lower-case and, and put a semi colon after time.For tomorrow I have to watch my daughter. And as I walk towards the house. *you need to lower-case for, put a comma after daughter, lower-case and.I glance down the dark long road. And in disbelief I mumble the words� *you need a comma after road, lower-case and, and take out the ...�She actually left�. this was a very descriptive piece, and i believe that with these minor adjustments, it would be much better-received. i really did take in the feeling you portrayed

[Surreal Wolfchild]

wow, very moving...