Soul Brush

This poem is a painting metaphor for life.

The world is an enormous painting.

Our actions be every stroke.

Each of us a humble painter.

To paint the world with our existence.

What kind of world are we to paint?

With tears? With blood? With sweat?

I hope to paint the world with ink,

For that is what I have most to give.

But should a day come,

Where I must fight back,

My paint will be red, not black.

We are painters of many things,

Some things beautiful,

Some things sad.

We are painters of many things,

Some things horrible,

Some things glad.

But these things we will leave behind,

Even after we all are gone.

Do we think about what we do,

Of what's right and of what's wrong?

There is beauty in terrible things,

And beautiful things can be terrible.

Your paintings reflect what you see,

But what you see reflects your paintings.

Is a terrible beauty still beautiful?

Is a beautiful terror still terrible?

Do you paint only what you see?

Do you see only what you paint?

The canvas beckons to all of us,

So long as one beckons the canvas.

Reviews

[William Liston]

Hello Michael,
This is a strong and thought-provoking piece. I like how at the beginning, you use powerful statements and descriptions before finally becoming more philosophical half-way through. The transition between the two parts was nice ... the thoughts flowed into one another without fault. Overall, the extended "canvas" metaphor works well in conveying the theme.

As for critiques, I think this piece could benefit from a few reworks in punctuation, grammar, and word use. Some suggestions:

- I advise you to NOT capitalize every line because doing so unnecessarily breaks the rules of grammar. Also, to me, it tampers the readability.
- I feel like there should be a comma after the first line (not a period). A period feels too abrupt ... it doesn't match the connection and continuity I see between the first two lines. The same goes for the period in line three.
- I think stanzas six and seven would read smoother without the word "things."
- The line "Of what's right and of what's wrong?" felt a bit chunky to me. I suggest saying "of what's right and wrong."
- In the line "There is beauty in terrible things," I suggest making "there is" into a contraction: there's.

Hope this was helpful.
Happy writing.

- William Listom

[Michael Iam Bone]

Hello friend, thank you for both the positive and constructive feedback. The first two pieces of advice are appreciated, but the reason for them being this was was both a stylistic choice as well as, regarding the capitalization, is a format traditionally used in some forms of poetry. the rest of the criticisms I completely agree with. Regardless, I appreciate all of your feedback, thank you! :)