The Trip (in progress)

Sometimes things can become more then the first appear

(This is a rewrite of the original story, in progress)

"Well then Stew, ... if they can not meet our price,  we close the doors and are going to part it off,  you know that,.....hold on..ok?"

"Sir,  I  must get to First Bank of America, on High st, before 5:15 ...."
Reaching up and grasping the drivers shoulder Leon  questions the driver "However,  I also must go by 7214 Roosevelt Drive, its downtown, is that possible, ?"

Looking down at his watch the driver replies "Ummm, Yah I can get you to both places" he puts the taxi in drive and pulls out from the terminal.

"Sorry Stew,..."ah ..hun'... "but, Yah I know"..."just  listen"....."Stew, we are loosing money if we pay that price" ....."Yes, its a tax right off, but.." ...."We are selling it,... "63% belongs to me and I have my eye on that..." ....

"Hello?....Stew?" shaking his head, Leon shuts the cellphone and puts it in his pocket.

"Driver," "wouldn't you rather make more  money then make less money?".....  "Doesn't that make sense to you?"....

"Well certainly sir," ... "As a matter of fact,I can tell you what makes the most money"

Leon asks, chuckling ...."And what might that be?"

"Ummmm, ... "come to think of it" .... "Its my idea and I'll just keep it to myself" ... "Maybe someday I can make this happen myself"
The driver then turns up the radio and begins bobbing his head to the music.

Leon talks over the music "I am a business man, of course I want to make money"
Leon chuckles again, "Turn it up louder...  and .... shouldn't you be going faster?"  Looking at his watch.... "We only have 17 minutes."

The driver had already switched lanes and is now waiting for the chance to switch lanes again... "Don't you worry too much about my driving .....  Let me worry about that" the driver boasts.

Soon after the cab turns off the freeway and onto Roosevelt Drive stops in front of the closed gate to the closed tech center, Leon looks out over the huge well maintained property, just making out the buildings off in the horizon.

"Ok, I seen enough... lets go"

The driver puts the cab in gear "Do you plan on reopening the Tech center?" ....  "That would be great if you were", ..."that is" ...... "when it closed,  ...it destroyed a lot of dreams"

"I am not sure what I am going to do with it,.... I know I am buying it though" ... "Now that I seen it"    Leon said confidently.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading

Reviews

[Michael]

Thanks Michelle, yah I am realizing once you set direction to much keep that direction, well unless there is flash backs so to speak.

I am glad I found this site, the last site I was on told me they couldnt follow my stories if I wrote them like this example, they told me you have to put in "he said and she said" every time. I wish to overcome doing that.

My biggest desire is to write a whole story like this example.
:)

[MichelleClay]

I have re read 'the trip' and it's a good work in progress. Just a few pointers from my own personal opinion, It reads a bit more like a screen plan than a story at the moment. For example writing

‘Looking down at his watch the driver replies’ Ummm, Yah I can get you to both places" he puts the taxi in drive and pulls out from the terminal.

So things to consider at this stage are which perspective you want the story to come from. I.e. the main characters, a narrator? This will then need to be consistent with that style throughout. For example again you have put

"Hello?....Stew?" shaking his head, Leon shuts the cell phone and puts it in his pocket.

You could consider re writing this as

"Hello?....Stew?" Leon said shaking his head and shutting the cellphone away in his pocket.

Hope this feedback helps.

[MichelleClay]

I enjoyed this and look forward to the re write (longer version)