Need

Depression pains even the brightest souls

I roll cigarettes out of boredom,
and inhale each lungful hopeful
that that is the one, the cancer .
I don't want to go pissing and shitting sheets;
I just want to go. Up to the roof
of Printemps to swandive to the streets below,
but on the way I might change my mind of the manner
and broken for life outlive my peers.
I would go off Pont des Arts,
but even broken, now, my body would swim
with icy shock of the Seine,
or I would be forced to save some hero
thinking in his Francified blood
that he could ever save me.
I would throw myself in front of a car,
but there there are no guarantees, and already,
I feel the pains of that survival.
I would walk to a friend and borrow a pistol,
but on the way would have a drink,
remember the pain,
and try to stay alive to hold you again.
F*****g technology has removed our easier exits from this life:
not even gas to turn on and go to sleep,
leaving a candle burning with promise.
It's not that I want ti die;
not at all, not I
who knows how beautiful life can be,
but the pain of this love, this mind,
and this now broken body could fracture to dust
even the purest diamond.
Death, at least, is a truth
that love can never be.
We are told that Death is cold,
and
it is
cold.
We are told that love is warm,
and
it is
cold.
We know that
in death there is only death,
but in love
there is deceit,
false promises,
the longing for past strangers,
rejection,
lonliness,
inadequacy,
suffering,
hungers unsatisfied,
needs never addressed,
secrets turning truth to ash.
I have seen love,
and
I have seen death
and death's kiss is permanent and true
unlike that of any lover human.

Reviews

[wagonwheel]

Love IS permanent and true for me. Sounds like not for you.
Both can be perfect if you just believe it.

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

I read your piece with interest.....ths pain is real...this like caught me" I feel the pains of that survival." Listen I am lost for words at the extent of pain you feel...Can I suggest something...You may want to read this article "the child inside of us and our spose". at www.esprit.aegauthorblogs.
regards,
vincent