When Mom passed

The things that took place when Mom passed

Thinking back September 28, 2003 I would never forget. My phone rang a few times in the early hours of the morning. It was my mother’s number. I got up and answered the phone. It was my little sister. She told me that mom had an asthma attack and she was trying to give our mother the inhaler. She was unsuccessful.

Quickly, I jumped up and ran to my mother’s home which was not far because we stayed on the same street. I saw a lot of lights. It was bright and the time was early in the am. I recall seeing the ambulance truck. That is the only vehicle that I was interested in. I was not worrying about the police vehicles or any other vehicles. I remember jumping on the back of the ambulance truck. The visual that I remember is seeing my mom lying on that stretcher. I watched as the medic used the defibrillator on her. When they used it, she seemed as she had no bones. It reminded me of a Muppet. Her body just jumped and it was very sad for me to see. It was unbelievable. As the ambulance rushed her to the hospital, I was behind praying and witnessing the scenery. When we got inside the hospital, there were many doctors around her in the room. It was about eight of them. I remember going in the room and them telling me that I could not be there. I had lost it. I couldn’t keep my composure. Finally, I left the room to be with my family. We stood and waited impatiently for the update. The first statement that I remember was the doctor saying that she was brain dead. I’m not a doctor or anything but in my mind I was thinking “Is it reversible?” That is what I wanted to hear. 

Then, the doctor came out and said she was on life support. I went in the room and they tried to stop me, they couldn’t. Then they called the police and more police. They could do nothing with me and they conceded to let me stay in the room. At this point, I started seeing things that maybe I wasn’t supposed to see. The first thing that I saw was a doctor pull the plug. He came in the room, didn’t say anything and just pulled the plug. I did not know what he was doing and then he left. I felt that he could have said something to me. It might be because I was not supposed to be in there anyway, at least not at that time. The visuals kept coming. They brought in this liquid, and I asked “What is that?” They told me that it was saline. The nurse started putting it over my Mother’s eyes. She told me that it was used to keep her eye lids moist. I never knew the things that go on medically. The next thing came in was the tag. I saw them put the tag on my Mother’s toe. It was unbelievable. I have never gotten these images out of my head. To add to the vision of nightmares, I saw them come in with the body bag. It was wrapped up in plastic. It was new. It was a lifelong photographic memory that would be embedded within me. I wanted something to keep from that night. I saw this medical paper that came out like a receipt from the machine that was reading my Mother’s status. My cousin Stephen snatched the receipt and gave it to me. My new life was just starting without my Mother.   

    Now, the results are in and Mother is gone. I observe the emotional aberration. I never felt anything like this before. It is eight of us. Starting with me, there is Angela, Areesa, Marlon, Jacqueline, Jessica, Jasmine, and Erikka. What am I supposed to do?  The hospital is calling and asking where do I want to send my Mother? I do not know. I never dealt with anything like this before. They are telling me that they will call back in fifteen minutes. The answers that I gave them were not going to change. I never have been solely responsible to oversee a deceased person, let alone the navigation of the remains.  My worry and concern was at an all-time zenith. I knew that I needed help but I did not know where to start. My emotions were all over the place. I really did not have a plan in place, so again, what am I to do?   I’m working and I have to make sure that my sisters get to school too. Besides working, I am attending Nwanis Barber Academy. School for me just started and I was about to take my first long break. So, I called Ann and since we are the adults in Nashville, we would have to work together. It was no problem because we all were close. We shared and ate together.  

I remember the next morning, I called Mother Hawkins and I told her that I would not be at church. She asked me why and I told her that my Mom had passed and she said “Marcus you have to come to church, because that is where you are going to get help.” I said “Ok.” 

Now I am at church and Pastor Hawkins announces the news to the church about my Mom. The church came together for the cause and it was something that I did not expect. They showed so much love to me and I received it well. 

Well, the Medical Examiner would call and give me an update on the autopsy. I remember waiting impatiently to receive the news on cause of death. I remember one conversation that I had with the Medical Examiner. He referred to work as a batch. I asked “Have you done the autopsy on my Mother?” and he said “That it would be in the next batch.” Then, the Medical Examiner asked me what funeral home I want to send my Mother’s body to. I am at a lost because I thought that caring for the body was automatic. I quickly found out that a reliable person had to direct the body’s navigation step by step.  My next course of action is going around to funeral homes to see who would receive my mother. Then I found out that even if a funeral home receives my Mother, there would be a cost associated with it. When I found this out my next step was to find out which funeral home that I could afford. It would be a challenging stage but I had to do it. Then I found a funeral home and I was not done yet. Pastor Hawkins told me to call him and make arrangements to meet with the funeral director. I remember Pastor Hawkins coming in to the meeting with a beautiful burnt orange suit and told the funeral director to give him the bill. He said “We got this.”  What a relief off my shoulders.  At the same time, people are calling me for an update on my Mother. I have so much going on in my mind and still had to be a leader for my siblings. It was a task but I was ready for it.  I went back to school and the owner Uchendi Nwani called me into the office. He gave me his personal cell phone number and told me to call him if I needed him. He reiterated to call him. He was serious. I was about to find out how serious he really was. Now we found the funeral home and we were taking the funeral back to East Saint Louis, Illinois. The navigation was not done yet. The funeral home wanted to know where to fly my Mother’s body from and to. This is really opening my eyes to reality of life insurance because we really could use the money right now. Again, I was clueless.  

Now, we are on our way to East Saint Louis, Illinois. My cousins that were in Nashville also attended the trip. As we prepared to leave, we lined up into formation. We had a couple Deacons that accompanied us.  

Watching the line of cars was exciting. All of a sudden, we noticed white birds that hovered over us as we were on the highway. The birds were white in color. I don’t know the type of birds they were. They could have been doves, but they accompanied us. Meanwhile, Chelsea and I were in my friend Michael’s van. We were just riding along the highway. Man, do I miss her dearly. Well, we got to East St. Louis and the deacons had never seen anything like that city. I had forewarned them that it was not the usual place to visit for someone who knew nothing about poverty and crime. They were supposed to stay for the duration of the time, they didn’t.  My friend Michael stayed but he got a hotel in St. Louis, Mo. It was not in East Saint Louis. They didn’t trust East Saint Louis. Once we got situated, we set up a meeting at the funeral home which was Officer Funeral Home. I was accompanied by my Aunt Rayleen, my Aunt Jean, and a few more relatives. I know me and my sisters were there.  The next phase of events was paying for the funeral. I remember us adding up what we had. Then I thought about the Barber College Owner Chin, he told me to call him if I needed him. I had his number and I was reluctant to call him but I did.  I recall phoning him and the first thing that he said is “LaMarcus, how much do you need?” I said “If you could spare me about fifty dollars that will be fine.” Then with a very agitated and insulted voice Chin said, “How much do you need?” Then he said “Let my speak with the Funeral Director.” I gave the phone to Carl Officer from Officer Funeral Home and a few seconds later he gave me the phone back. Chin said “LaMarcus, I’m paying for the whole funeral, my accountant will handle it, give me about five minutes."

Next thing I knew Chin had called me back and said that it was done. Carl Officer gave me the receipt and then we went into another room to pick out the casket. Again, it was me and my two Aunts that I had mentioned earlier. I remember my Aunt Jean picking the color. After that, Carl said that we had money left and then they added an extra limousine and flowers. I really didn’t care about the small stuff, I had to lead. I had seven more siblings who depended on me. Everything was done and the clueless knowledge that I had about funerals gave me a new understanding of the process. I was lucky and blessed for my network of friends, family, and associates. "Follow My Lead: Questions and Answers to Our Afflictions"