i like how you kept it short...it attacks the reader then reluctantly lets go at the end...but we feel the shots...and are left shaking, glad it wasn't we who were shot.
she won't let him grow up like her. and it starts often with animals or birds...and then moves on to humans.
i like this and will want to read more from you...
this is my favorite genre.
you do it well.
jacob
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Hi Jacob, and welcome to my page. I've written rather lengthy ones and do enjoy the genre as well, b.. read moreHi Jacob, and welcome to my page. I've written rather lengthy ones and do enjoy the genre as well, but fear a strict meter might wear on the reader after a few stanzas. Just thought I'd try something short and see if it might work. May gamble and post a long one soon.
Your analysis of the story is spot on.
Thank you for the wonderful comment as well as your time! I'll come visit your page very soon, Jacob.
This gave me goosebumps! I wanna see what's in Willa's special box. ...kinda.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you for the visit, Angi!
11 Years Ago
My pleasure! Just so you know, I really like this. The way it flows and creepily builds, that last.. read moreMy pleasure! Just so you know, I really like this. The way it flows and creepily builds, that last part had the hairs standing up on my neck. Love it!
A lot of times, when poets attempt to tell actual stories, the tempo suffers, and the rhyming seems forced. Not so here. The story was clearly told, the rhythm of the piece flowed naturally, and the rhymes were spot on. Add to that I had chills pretty much through the entire read...exceptionally well done.
-kimmer
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Hello kimmer. To be honest, this isn't my favorite rhyme scheme, but was trying to move it along qui.. read moreHello kimmer. To be honest, this isn't my favorite rhyme scheme, but was trying to move it along quickly, so there was little room to dally with detail and left it pretty simple.
So glad you got a chill, I think. lol.
Thank you very much for your time... reading as well as the thoughtful comment! I'll be visiting your page.
i like how you kept it short...it attacks the reader then reluctantly lets go at the end...but we feel the shots...and are left shaking, glad it wasn't we who were shot.
she won't let him grow up like her. and it starts often with animals or birds...and then moves on to humans.
i like this and will want to read more from you...
this is my favorite genre.
you do it well.
jacob
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Hi Jacob, and welcome to my page. I've written rather lengthy ones and do enjoy the genre as well, b.. read moreHi Jacob, and welcome to my page. I've written rather lengthy ones and do enjoy the genre as well, but fear a strict meter might wear on the reader after a few stanzas. Just thought I'd try something short and see if it might work. May gamble and post a long one soon.
Your analysis of the story is spot on.
Thank you for the wonderful comment as well as your time! I'll come visit your page very soon, Jacob.
This poem uses rhyming perfectly.
It has a consistent flow to it.
You wrote a very good poem.
Thanks for sharing!
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Thank you Aaron. Wasn't really crazy about the structure of this one, but was aiming for brevity.read moreThank you Aaron. Wasn't really crazy about the structure of this one, but was aiming for brevity.
Thanks again for reading as well as the time spent commenting.
Live amongst the beans and rice of NE Arkansas with a chocolate lab that answers to Mr. Wilson. Read, write, draw, and build sculptures from steel when the hands are idle.
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