I closed my eyes

I closed my eyes and imagined you close

Imagined your smile, your laugh, your kiss

I dared to think of what life would be

A life with you, with me, for us

 

I closed my eyes and felt you close

So real, so beautiful, so perfect

I dared to touch your perfect hands

Embracing their love and safety

 

I closed my eyes and dreamt of you

But nothingness wrapped my mind in darkness

I dared to face my reality

No dream could ever capture your essence

Author's Note

Please be completely honest! I really want my poetry skills to improve :)

Reviews

[emmajoy]

'But nothingness wrapped my mind in darkness' - such great emotion in so few words; doubt in and of love so often results in the most beautiful poetry.

I write free verse so am hardly expert, but try to find a distinct rhythm line to line, also, words don't have to rhyme but echo a sound. There are so many superb poets in the Cafe, perhaps, when you have time, you could read a few and also see what their reviewers have added

Otherwise I'm pretty sure your obvious ability and sensitivity will find its own way.

[Mia]

Thank you Emma :) There are so many amazing poets on her and I love reading their stuff. I try to learn for all of my favourites. I also think the more I write the better it will become. Thank you for your suggestions, I appreciate them and I will definitely read the reviews of the poems I enjoyed, I never considered that :) I appreciate your time and comments very much!

[Sid]

This is an endearing poem, really like the you bring out the emotions in this piece and I like the ending even more
I closed my eyes and dreamt of you
But nothingness wrapped my mind in darkness
I dared to face my reality
No dream could ever capture your essence
great lines...this is a lovely poem!!

[Mia]

Sid, hello friend :) thank you so much!

[Sid]

It's my pleasure Mia! :)

[DrD]

Mia, I never tell people how to write. It's like telling them how to feel. But I will tell when a work passes its meaning, thought or feeling onto me. That's always what I look for. I sensed in this work the message of memories being far better than reality and the loneliness and loss. When you do that, you have done well and I send you kudos.

[Mia]

Thank you, thank you!

[Aaron]

I love how it sort of twists at the end. The start seems sweet (maybe a tad cliche) but then you take that and saying, not only are dreams not enough, but "nothingness wrapped my mind in darkness." That is a really harsh line that makes this whole poem very unique.

I love it.
Thanks for sharing.

[Mia]

Now that you mention it...maybe more than a tad.
Thank you ever so much, I appreciate it!!

[TheJordBaker]

This is so sweet, moving and endearing. You've penned a great stream of emotive consciousness here and I don't have any critique. The 'I closed my eyes' parts are enticing on their own and then you've followed them up with effortless words and haven't ruined anything by trying to force them. Really nice work :)

[Mia]

Thank you :) this is such a lovely review. You’ve made my night!

[TheJordBaker]

my pleasure!!

[Ahmad Cox]

This was very sweet. I enjoyed it.

[Mia]

You're too kind to me.

[linear]

Honesty.......now there's a word to toy with in a place like this.....however in this instance I am more than prepared to give an honest opinion of this poetic expression of LOVE.......It's very good, it's like my own style of writing, not that I'm saying my own is as good as this piece.......so there you have it.....I'm delighted to read poetry such as this for it conveys emotions that each one of us feel at some point in our lives....

Enjoyed, and thank you :O)

[Mia]

I appreciate your honesty :) and I'm glad you enjoyed this.

[Ama May Cooper]

And completely honest i will be. Another fabolous piece of work, your emotional attachtment to this image of greatness unable to be captured, tehre beauty not before your eyes and to perfect to be tangible.
You are a truely talent indavdual

[Mia]

You are officially my favourite person :) thank you so much for your kind words!

[Southern Cross]

Soft and delicate as love and dream weavers should be

[Mia]

Thanks for your time and the lovely review. I appreciate it.

[Mia]

Thank you for your time and this lovely review. I appreciate it!

[.]

Such a touching poem ^-^ 100/100 Pls Don't give up

[Mia]

Thank you so much! You are too kind :)

[.]

You're welcome! :D