The Suns of our Souls

A description from his window

As the sun rises we take a look at the scenery from our window
Our window represents our soul
The sun represents our lives
We look out to the sun hoping for light.
Let's not let the clouds cover the sun
We only create darkness within ourselves . 
When things happen , let  things happen
If we fight destiny , we will never know what happens next
Living blind and not seeing the beauty of life is a mirage in our minds.
Happiness is within us all , and to pass that on is a gift .

Peace rocks

Reviews

[paul sal.....]

yes it does! beautiful , you painted beautiful pictures and metaphors and similes (as lilith suggested you use" is not real life . your poem tells us how to live in a compelling way. thank you

[Lilith]

Ah, this piece would be so much better if you did not tell us - the readers - what represents what. Provide details, images, metaphors and similes that explain what represents what. That would make your work much better, and longer indeed.

Also, the last line bugs me. It doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. I suggest removing it completely, but then again, this is not my poem, now is it? :]

Anyway, this piece has the possibility of being great, and definitely will be after some revision.