p.s. don't let me go

What will you do if the one you love dies. What price are you willing to pay to bring her back. Do all get the second chance? No, but those who get it should praise every moment of it.

P.S. don’t let me go

It was January the third, and it was raining. The unusual weather had left me with no other option but to stay indoors.
My flat was on the 14th floor where I shared it with my two other roommates, Raj and Sara. Though pretty much of a sweet and romantic couple, they did cause me a lot of trouble last night where I could hear the unpleasant noises of their love making all night. Couples really go crazy when it rains, or when the sun shines bright, or when it’s cold… gosh they are always horny… I hate it.
While they were still locked up in their rooms physically, they were omnipresent vocally. And here I was, left with no other option but to plug in my headphones and wait for rain to stop pouring. Then somewhere between Green Day’s ‘21 guns’, the doorbell rang which I pretty much ignored as I thought that this could separate Raj and Sara and I could finally get over their kinky voices, but guess I was wrong. It was 5 minutes until I got sick of another sound, ‘the doorbell’ that was continuously honking.
So, feeling helpless and highly annoyed, I walked up to the door and opened it and guess what I see? A beautiful girl in white top, all wet from top to bottom with a suitcase twice her size, is standing in front of me and I was like… Who the hell are you now?
But before I could utter a word, she pushed me aside leaving her luggage at the door and went straight to the bathroom.
‘Okay, what the hell did just happen?’ I said to myself when I heard Sara’s voice from inside the room.
‘Who’s there at the door Robin?’ she asked from inside.
‘Oh yeah! Why don’t you both come out and check? I think we have an intruder which I just now let into our house,’ I said.
‘Is it a muscular thief or something?’ Raj asked.
‘Well it seems to be having extra flesh on areas where I lack, especially the chest part,’ I commented.
After a minute or two, they both came out half naked, half naked because Raj was out of shirt and Sara was out of pants.
‘Don’t you guys get it, there is someone in our bathroom. It could be any of your parents. Don’t you guys have courtesy to put on proper clothes in front of strangers,’ I taunted.
‘What? It’s all right grandpa. I am in my pajamas and Sara is… in her…night… honey, I think he is right, you should put on some shorts or something. It could be really embarrassing in front of either of our parents someday,’ he said to Sara as he moved to me to say, ‘besides, the person inside is not my mom or dad, is it?’
‘I wanted to say yes, but I am afraid not. Rather, even I don’t know who she is?’ I replied.
‘She? You let a girl sneak into our apartment without even knowing who she is, what are you, a 5 year old schoolboy?’ Raj taunted.
‘Look, before I could ask her details, she pushed me aside and rushed to the bathroom,’ I know it was embarrassing to tell that I got pushed by a slight touch of a girl, but it was the reality. Before I could further say something, I heard her voice from inside the bathroom, ‘do you guys mine to pass my purple bag? I need to change.’
God, what does she think of herself and who the hell was she, giving orders to me?
‘Would you mine telling us who you are?’ I said as I handed her bag through the slightly opened bathroom door.
‘Just wait for a moment,’ she said from inside.
And the door opened, and there she was, standing in front of us. Who was she? Neither Raj nor I had a clue, but there was one more person left, Sara.
As Sara came out of her room, finally in an acceptable attire, she went on to hug her out of joy. They both greeted like the long lost brothers in the movie Karan Arjun met.
We grew curious and turned to Sara to summon for the answers.
‘This is my friend, Priya. And Priya, they are Raj and Robin,’ Sara introduced her.
‘Ah… of course, Priya. Sara told us that you would be staying with us. Nice to meet…’ Raj said as I interrupted, ‘us? You never told me about this.’
‘Ahmm… didn’t I? I am sorry buddy, I should have told you. Would you come with me for a second,’ Raj said and we went to the balcony to talk.
‘Look, I know, I should have told you earlier. Priya and Sara are best friends, more like sisters. So, when Priya told her that she was having a problem in finding an apartment here as she is new here, she offered her to come live with us. But don’t worry, it won’t be for long. She would soon find a place, until then…’
‘Yeah alright! I see where it is going. You two are trying to get me out of here. First, you don’t let me sleep all night and then you put me to this situation. Well, guess what mister? I am leaving this apartment. You do whatever you wish to. I am going to find myself a new place. Good bye!’ I said as I stormed out of the apartment.
Well… I guess finding an apartment in Mumbai was not at all easy and that too when you are single. So, after a whole day of searching for my new dorm, I finally returned to where I belonged.
‘And by the way, why should I leave. I also pay for this apartment,’ I shouted as I entered.
They were having dinner, and seeing me brought a smile on Sara’s face.
‘Oh, poor guy. By the way Raj, you owe me 100 bucks,’ Sara said as she hugged me.
‘My god you are unbelievable, guys! You betted on it,’ I said.
‘Yes we did. Hungry?’ Sara asked.
‘Thought you would never ask. But I am still mad at you.’
So, after the dinner, we had to do some adjustments in my room and the most important part, setting the ground rules.
My room looked like an Indo-Pak border, where on one side, stood everything systematically arranged, the books, the clothes, personal care products etc., and on the other, was a total mess of the same. Not to be confused of, mine was former one.
Though, not much of a work, it left the two of us exhausted and what else could relieve you than some scotch.
So, we both sat on the balcony to share the leisure of a 25 year old scotch. That was when we formally introduced ourselves.
And after a few pegs, we started bonding.
‘So, you a writer? What do you write about?’ she asked.
‘Well, just the usual stuff that the youngsters prefer, love stories filled with emotions and happiness, occasional moments of lust and a happy ending to make them read it again and again,’ I responded.
‘Hmmm… I really feel that all that this love and emotional attachment kind of thing, it’s all fake. It only happens in movies or love stories, it is more like your USP- sell people what they lack in life. Sorry, I mean no offence.’
‘None taken. Well, I don’t mean to judge you but you have never been in love, right?’
‘First thing, that’s a lot of judging and second thing, I don’t believe in all this s**t. I mean every single man that has ever been in my life since I hit puberty, has wanted me to be his toy for pleasure. They don’t say it but I can feel it in their eyes. Where is love in that?’ she said.
‘Well, maybe you were judging them too much, or maybe you haven’t met “the one” till now.’ I replied.
‘That’s another hoax. There is no “the one” kind of thing.’
‘Hmmm… you are adamant! Here’s a deal. During the course of your stay here, we will be living the characters of my story and all you have to do is not to let yourself fall in love with me.’
‘Ah! That’s a piece of cake for me. What do I get if I win?’ she asked.
‘The winner gets a wish which the loser has to fulfil at any cost,’ I said as I extended my hand for “the deal handshake”.
‘It’s a deal then,’ she responded with the same gesture.
‘So, how’s our story going to start? It better be good,’ she said as her eyes glittered.
‘Umm… let’s see, it starts with Robin, a mediocre boy from a small town. He was considered to be a disgrace to his much reputed family name. A family where all his cousins, uncles, even his father, were either at some reputed posts in the ministry or working abroad.
He wanted different things in life but his family wanted him to continue the tradition. He was often subjected to lectures by his father and uncles, lectures that would last for hours, lectures that primarily focused on his decisions gone wrong, lectures that were all the same yet so humiliating. But one day, he couldn’t take it anymore. All these years, he had been thinking of it, but that day he gathered the courage to do it. All he needed was to take the first step out and next he found himself walking out of his miseries. He took the first train from the station which drove him here, in Mumbai.
Maybe it was destiny because in the same city and the same flat, after a year, he found Priya.’
‘Is this your real story?’ she said as her face wore the expressions of her heart. There was sympathy in her eyes and that was certainly not the way I intended to win the bet. So, changing the topic I said, ‘Of course not. I don’t believe you bought that. Where is that girl who, just a few moments ago, was talking how strong was she at heart and how she was never meant to be emotionally attached to anyone?’
‘Well, your story surely moved me. Next time, I will have to be more careful in catching your bluff,’ she said as she took the last sip of her drink. ‘It’s getting late now, plus I am really tired. Would you please carry me in your manly arms to my bed?’ she added.
‘Hey, why should I do that?’
‘Because you are my hero. And if we are going to play it, we are going to play it serious. Now stop acting like a girl and lift me up.’
‘Okay my lady,’ I said as I lifted her. She felt like a baby in my arms - light, soft and adorable. This was all I remembered of that night, the scotch was showing its effect and we both had no idea what was going to come our way the next morning.


Day 35th

It was an end of the fairy tale I started about a month ago. Last few days had been the best days of my life. But just like everything comes to an end, it ended as well, she was leaving and we had only one night left.
She was standing in the balcony looking at the moon when she said, ‘Robin, do you know what is so special about the moon?’
‘That it is beautiful…’ I replied.
‘No, I mean yes it is beautiful but also it is so much similar to us. It also has its brightest days followed by the darkest ones.’
‘Wow, when did you become so much poetic, miss?’
‘When I fell in love with a poet.’ She replied with her beautiful smile.
‘Really? That means you lost your bet. You fell in love with me.’
‘Who was talking about you? I was referring to Shakespeare.’ She commented.
‘Well… just for the information, Shakespeare is dead and won’t be appearing on the face of this earth anytime sooner. So, instead of waiting for him, you can have me, I even come with a lifetime warranty.’
‘Hmmm… I would definitely consider that. Come here my boy,’ she said and we kissed.
‘Please don’t let me go,’ she said as her face turned gloomy.
‘It’s for your good only. This is your dream, you have to go to New York. If I stop you, then I would feel guilty for being so selfish to take away your dream job. Besides it is just a matter of two years. After that we will be together for a lifetime. Now, cheer up and give me that beautiful smile of yours.’ I was trying to cheer her up but deep inside, I also wanted her to stay.



Day 36th

Priya was gone. I had never thought that a mere attraction of few days would turn out to be much more than that. I was in love with her and nobody saw that coming from me, including me.
But I guess I was alone again, at least for the time being.
I was shuffling some of the stuff when I noticed something. It was Priya’s diary. I intended not to open it, but couldn’t control myself.
It read.

January 1st

I don’t want to marry some random stranger. Why don’t they get it? I feel like running off.

‘She indeed did run off,’ I said to myself.

January 3rd

I reached at Sara’s today. Raj and Sara, they are a lovely couple, kind and helpful but I am not quite sure about the third guy. I don’t think he likes me. The way he stormed out of the apartment shows how arrogant he is and he is going to be my roomie, god help me!

January 4th

Guess I was wrong about him. Though his first impression was kind of rude and obnoxious, last night we got along really well.
We made a stupid deal which I don’t think he will remember.


January 5th

Guess I was wrong again. He remembered the deal. This guy is really surprising me.
He cooked breakfast for me, showed me the entire city and ended the evening with a candle light dinner.
Is he doing it all for the sake of that stupid bet or he is really such a nice person?
I might have to check.

January 8th

We kissed. Oh my god! It was so magical. My first kiss, in the moonlight where we were gazed upon by the stars.
I think I am in love with him.
Wait, what am I thinking? He is doing this to win the bet.
I shouldn’t let him win.
Focus Priya focus.

January 22nd

I fucked it all. I feel like a b***h. After all these days I couldn’t recognise his feelings.
When he proposed me, I took it as a joke. A joke as I thought he was doing it all for the sake of that stupid bet.
I don’t know how to sort it out.

January 25th

Today I broke the awkward silence that had been prevailing for the past three days between us.
I feel so much relaxed now. Not because the things have gotten back to normal between us but because they have gone better.
Yes, I proposed him. I know it sounds stupid, but I did. And now I fear nothing.

February 2nd

The job proposal that I send to M n M, New York, it got accepted.
I should have been happy, it is my dream job, but I am not. I don’t want to go. I can’t leave Robin.

February 4th

I had a nightmare and it felt so real.
I was on the flight taking a look at some of Robin’s pics that I had in my phone when there was this heavy jerk that shook the flight.
The pilot requested everyone not to panic and that they should tie their seatbelts.
Just when I thought everything would be back to normal, I saw a giant metal piece tearing apart the left wing of the plane in two pieces.
The plane lost control and fell into the ocean.
I remember every single detail of it as if I was really there.
The seat that I exchanged from some Divya Singh as she had missed the flight, the old lady who was going to see his son, the airhostess whose name was Ritu Sharma, every memory was crystal clear.


February 7th

It’s our last night together. I haven’t been truly honest with you Robin. There are many things that I haven’t told you about myself. That’s why I am leaving this diary for you.
I know that I made you promise not to come see me off as it would be difficult for me to leave then, but I would love if you come.
I still think I am better here with you than in an unknown country.
P.S. don’t let me go.

There was something about the last few pages that was starting to worry me. I closed the diary and reached out for my phone to call Priya.
It had messages from her informing about the delay in flight and how much she was missing me at the airport.
‘Her flight is yet to take off in 30 minutes. If I hurry, I could reach there in time,’ I said to myself.
I was halfway there when my car broke down and to add to the misery I couldn’t find any taxi or any other vehicle.
I was starting to lose hope when I saw a car coming. My faith in god was restored. I asked for a lift and fortunately got one.
‘Hey! You seem tensed. What’s worrying you?’ the girl who offered me lift asked.
‘I was supposed to meet my girlfriend at the airport but don’t know if I would be able to make it,’ I replied.
‘I am sure you will or rather we will. I am also kind of late for my flight and I don’t want to miss it. By the way where is your girlfriend flying to?’ She asked.
‘New York. She got a job there.’ I replied.
‘Well that’s great. I think I am going to meet her, I am also going from the same flight.’ She said.
‘Aren’t you a bit too late for that flight? The flight is already delayed by two hours and here you are still running late,’ I asked.
‘Actually it’s a long story, to cut it short, I have my friend as airhostess in this flight. She told me that the flight was going to be delayed due to some technical reasons. So, I decided why to hurry. But I guess it was one of my many wrong decisions. I should have hurried a little bit.’
‘Same goes for me, I should have hurried a little bit.’ I said.
‘So, here we are. We should hurry before we miss it.’ She said as we arrived at the airport.
‘Sure and thanks for the ride. By the way I am Robin.’
‘It was nice meeting you Robin. I’m Divya.’
‘Divya Singh?’
‘Yes. How do you know it?’ she said when she suddenly shouted, ‘oh s**t! The flight has taken off, just got a message from my friend Ritu.’


Day 139

I hear knocks at the door. Sometimes from my family, sometimes friends, all asking me to come out and see the world.
But this room is my world. This is where I have spent my life’s most beautiful moments. This room holds her fragrance. I hear her voice here.
It’s the same balcony where we first kissed, where she proposed me and where we fell in love.
The knocks, they started again. ‘Go away. I don’t want any person’s sympathy. I am better off alone.’
‘Maybe you don’t want someone. But I would really appreciate if you could help me,’ a female voice responded.
‘I am of no use to anyone. I am just a shattered person.’
‘Well, why don’t we decide that once you let me in.’ she responded.
I opened the door. It was Divya.
‘Why are you here? I said I don’t want any sympathy.’ I shouted.
‘Look, you are not the only one who lost his loved one that night. I also lost my friend and probably the only family I had. But if you intend to act like this throughout your remaining pathetic life, then I feel sorry for you.’
‘So, what do you want me to do?’ I said.
‘For starters, trust me.’


Day 170

I received a call from Divya, said she was in some kind of emergency and wondering if I could come and pick her up from the airport.
Was she? Or was she lying to get me out in the open, either ways I had to go for the sake of the commitment she showed towards our friendship.
It was the same route I last drove to. Everything was coming back like a déjà vu.
Then something strange happened. An ambulance went past me and its lights, they were so bright that I had to close my eyes. When I opened them, all I could see was a slideshow of red and blue light in front of me.
I stopped the car. My head hurt. I remembered that milestone, this was the same place where my car broke down that day. I started getting those déjà vu again. I saw myself standing there waiting for the taxi.
Ah! The pain was excruciating. And soon I fell on the ground and lost my consciousness.


The next day

I woke up in my bed. My head still hurt.
‘Had some extra scotch last night, did you?’ Raj said as he sat beside me.
‘No, don’t you know what happened to me last night. I fainted on my way to the airport. And who brought me home?’
‘What rubbish are you talking? You were with us the whole night and the headache is all because of hangover. Now get up, its Priya’s last day remember?’
‘Priya’s last day? Priya is de…’ before I could finish my sentence, she was there, standing in front of me. I couldn’t believe my eyes. What the f**k was going on? This can’t be true. Priya is dead, it took me four months to believe it but yes, she is dead.
If this is a dream, why is it so real? And if this is reality, what about the past four months?
‘Would give us a minute Raj?’ she spoke.
‘Sure you may. Carry on lovebirds.’ Raj spoke and left.
I was still trying to figure out what was happening.
‘Hey! You seem tensed. Are you alright’ she spoke.
‘This can’t be true. You can’t be real. Am I dreaming?’
‘You are talking no sense. You better take these medicines. It will cure your headache and then you might be normal.’
‘What date is it?’ I asked.
‘What? Now you even don’t remember the date. It’s seventh February, it’s the day I leave.’
Whatever it was? Dream or reality. I could not let this happen again. I held her hand and said, ‘I know it may sound stupid and I may sound selfish, but please don’t go.’
‘Now you are stopping me. Last night when I was saying the same, you were all about convincing me to go. What made you change your mind?’ she replied.
‘The fear of losing you. I can’t live without you even a single second. I thought about it all night and I guess you also want the same. Don’t you?’
‘I do honey, I do. So, I guess we would have to unpack this stuff. I am not going to do it alone. Come, help me.’
Somewhere in this alternate reality, I found the love of my life. And there was one thing for sure, it was not a dream.
But, there was still one thing to come. Later that night I discovered that the flight to New York had crashed and in the list of dead passengers, was Divya.
My heart filled with sorrow, I could have saved her and everyone on that plane. But I guess this is how it works. You lose some and you get some.
Tears were rolling down my eyes. When Priya asked about her, all I could say, ‘I lost my dearest friend, one whose space can never be filled by anyone.’

Now, after twenty years of successful married life with Priya, I still remember the night when I lost her.
There is no logical explanation to what happened to me that night. The closest being, I might have run into one of the thirteen possible dimensions that could exist in nature. But again, there is no surety in that and that’s a secret I haven’t told anyone.
What about the alternate world, the alter reality that I lived in for about four months?
Well, I occasionally see myself in the mirror standing next to my wife, Divya.
I couldn’t save her in this timeline, but at least she is alive and with me in some other timeline.






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